Below average in everything

[platypusfan]

Why wouldn't I ctb if I am like this? I would complain about society not being made for people like me, but do they even owe me that? If I were living idk like 5000 years ago I would've just been killed off. I think I mentioned in a post that the next few months will determine whether I ctb or not but I already feel like the odds aren't for me living. However I'm not sure how to ctb here with people everywhere, especially since I'm already being watched for this. I feel like me living is just so unnecessary, I am extremely below average in looks and I try to ignore it but no one wants to have anything to do with an ugly person. I would try to make up for this with intelligence but I am starting to realize I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was, in classes now I am so far behind compared to everyone else, what's the point? I thought I could have a purpose by contributing to the world with my intelligence but that isn't working out. And I am so far behind on communication, I cannot enjoy friendships ever and I'm not sure how to fix that.. I'm just venting again but now I am annoyed because I don't know what to do. Choosing a method will be extremely difficult in my situation so I am stuck living with my miserable self. If I couldn't be happy myself I thought I could at least help others but I suck too much to even do that. Yet I still have to live. Why is this so unfair??

 

[Mxverick]

Toto Riina ex Cosa Nostra boss become the boss of bosses having 3rd grade education (who had studied in prison), even being 158cm tall.
He was the first born, at age of at the age of 13, he lost his father and brother, to help his family he was looking for work as a laborer but could not find it, and entered into crime by accident.

He died on November 17, 2017 at the age of 87, while serving 26 life sentences.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself and it has brought you to this point. When I joined SaSu the day before you did, I was on the same quest - decide whether to ctb or not. I'm old, many physical and mental health concerns, no friends, dead-end relationship, etc., and no purpose in life.

It sounds like you are in a similar situation, with your own set of reasons. While I haven't seen you IRL, your posts don't sound like their coming from an ugly person. They also don't sound like someone who is unintelligent. Your posts sound like someone who is frustrated with themselves and those around them.

Schools / universities aren't for everyone and maybe you just haven't found what where you fit in yet.

I can't say whether your frustration is enough to make you decide to ctb. Only you can make that choice. I can suggest not giving up on yourself so quickly. The SaSu community has been wonderfully open and caring, ironically giving me pause over my own decision. Maybe give yourself a little slack today and focus on the beauty of being here.

 

[platypusfan]

Toto Riina ex Cosa Nostra boss become the boss of bosses having 3rd grade education (who had studied in prison), even being 158cm tall.
He was the first born, at age of at the age of 13, he lost his father and brother, to help his family he was looking for work as a laborer but could not find it, and entered into crime by accident.

He died on November 17, 2017 at the age of 87, while serving 26 life sentences.

Looked him up, that's definitely an interesting story. I guess you can never really know where life will take you no matter the cards you're dealt.

I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself and it has brought you to this point. When I joined SaSu the day before you did, I was on the same quest - decide whether to ctb or not. I'm old, many physical and mental health concerns, no friends, dead-end relationship, etc., and no purpose in life.

It sounds like you are in a similar situation, with your own set of reasons. While I haven't seen you IRL, your posts don't sound like their coming from an ugly person. They also don't sound like someone who is unintelligent. Your posts sound like someone who is frustrated with themselves and those around them.

Schools / universities aren't for everyone and maybe you just haven't found what where you fit in yet.

I can't say whether your frustration is enough to make you decide to ctb. Only you can make that choice. I can suggest not giving up on yourself so quickly. The SaSu community has been wonderfully open and caring, ironically giving me pause over my own decision. Maybe give yourself a little slack today and focus on the beauty of being here.

Thank you so much for the kind comment. I'm glad you have been given a pause, SaSu has also been very kind to me too. Even though I struggle with finding the beauty I have kept going and will be able to another day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it really can be so dreadful feeling trapped here, I hate how it's so difficult to finally cease existing, those who wish to leave deserve the option to just escape from all the suffering in peace. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Gaga786]

I really relate to this. I am below average in everything(speech impediment, low intelligence (IQ in 80s), unattractive and ugly, failed throughout school)I'm exhausted living like this, and there needs to be a way out for me. Even planning using my method is tiring and overwhelming.I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much, and I hope that we all eventually gain the inner peace that we desire

 

[platypusfan]

I really relate to this. I am below average in everything(speech impediment, low intelligence (IQ in 80s), unattractive and ugly, failed throughout school)I'm exhausted living like this, and there needs to be a way out for me. Even planning using my method is tiring and overwhelming.I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much, and I hope that we all eventually gain the inner peace that we desire

I'm sorry you also feel that way. It's horrible to feel so tired like that. I also have a speech impediment, it's pretty bad but I'm actually in speech therapy even though I'm an adult I finally got myself to go if that's ever an option for you, but either way I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone on that. Wishing you peace.