seeker
Member
- Aug 26, 2021
- 17
I have arrhythmia since I was 12. I don't know if it started because I was being bullied at school, but since that age I feel like I'm going to die. I can feel my heartbeat every second. I feel like I'm too close to death, at the same time I feel bad for not being dead already. I started smoking last year but I got some other diseases related to my blood. Now I'm drinking alcohol. I never heard of anybody that was so fucked up in terms of healthy and heart disease in such an early age, at least not in my social bubble. I know that maybe this heart disease could have been triggered by the stress I had when I was being bullied, but I'm not sure of it.
After smoking for around 6 months I started feeling some pain in my legs and I went to the doctor, but nothing was diagnosed, although he noted a dilated vein in my left leg. So I'm taking some meds for now waiting it to get better. Not only my leg, but some other veins in my arms were affected in those months where I was smoking . I'm 20 now , but I feel like I'm 90 just waiting to be dead in some years or even months. I'm feeling really trapped with all these things, the death of my father and the suicide attempts of my brother fucked me up in a bad way. And now, not even cigarettes can be my distractions anymore...
I'll not ask what you folks would do in my situation. It's just a venting. I wish y'all never experience this...
After smoking for around 6 months I started feeling some pain in my legs and I went to the doctor, but nothing was diagnosed, although he noted a dilated vein in my left leg. So I'm taking some meds for now waiting it to get better. Not only my leg, but some other veins in my arms were affected in those months where I was smoking . I'm 20 now , but I feel like I'm 90 just waiting to be dead in some years or even months. I'm feeling really trapped with all these things, the death of my father and the suicide attempts of my brother fucked me up in a bad way. And now, not even cigarettes can be my distractions anymore...
I'll not ask what you folks would do in my situation. It's just a venting. I wish y'all never experience this...