Discussion Being told if I really wanted to die I would have done it by now

[BloodyNobody]

Has anyone been told "if you really wanted to die you would have done it by now". People that aren't in this suffering don't understands what it's like. Infuriates me they have no clue

 

[bed]

SI can be way more powerful than people realize.

I'm sorry people have said those things to you. They'll never understand what it's like to want to take your own life.

 

[Rayzieka]

I sometimes hear that and wonder if they're really saying it to themselves.

 

[littlelungs]

Yep, my dad said this to me. As if killing yourself is really just as easy as simply leaving a restaurant because you don't like what's on the menu.

Lots of people seem to not only be completely ignorant to, and/or grossly underestimate just how strong SI is and how deeply ingrained it is within all of us – regardless of logic or degree of suffering – but also insist on being total assholes about it.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It stings because there is some truth in it. It is super hard to overcome your SI and CTB, but so many people manage to do it...why can't I?

Being trapped in this purgatory of not really living but unable to die is pure agony. These people have no idea what it feels like to be actively suicidal and no idea how strong your SI really is.

 

[Pluto]

Surely that belongs on a list of the top 10 worst things to say to a suicidal person. Is it issuing a challenge to prove that one is suicidal by dying? Or is the intention to depress them further by insinuating that there's no way out?

 

[ClownMe]

My mum says it to me all the time, she says im not really depressed and it's just "all in my head", whatever the hell that means.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

This statement implicitly assumes that willpower alone is sufficient to achieve a goal.
"If you really wanted to become a billionaire, you'd be one by now."
Comes the objection: "Well, other people have managed to kill themselves!"
True. Other people also became billionaires, so why haven't you yet?
Every person is different and lives in different circumstances, and what is easy for one person is impossible for another.

My mum says it to me all the time, she says im not really depressed and it's just "all in my head", whatever the hell that means.

Mr. Clown, I regret to inform you that your mother is severely retarded.

 

[BabyFears]

As if it wasn't already hard enough to struggle with those thoughts, I already feel super guilty about wanting to kill myself. If anyone told me that, I'd jump from the first bridge just to laugh at their faces from wherever I'd be. Makes me so mad to hear people like that exist...

 

[xLosthopex]

I seem to get told that every day by fellow members of this site lol

 

[marinekiwi]

Most people just don't understand. It's always a black/white situation: Either someone ctb's and everyone is all "oh we didn't know they were suffering so much, how sad!" or someone attempts ctb and is all "hah, what an attention seeker! Get it together loser!"

There is no inbetween. And that's just what makes people even more depressed.

 

[ClownMe]

Mr. Clown, I regret to inform you that your mother is severely retarded.

I already knew that

 

[art]

"if you really wanted to die you would have done it by now".

I repeat it to myself everyday, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed.

My fears about ctb are bigger than my desire.
It is the same that happens to me in life when my traumatics memories paralyze me to try new goals

 

[LittleJem]

Yes - by my dad. It's not true though, just because I am still holding out doesn't mean I won't exit at some point. It depends on how desperate and depressed I get. Right now, I'm just trying to tidy up my stuff so I can move house or exit.

 

[littlelungs]

Is it issuing a challenge to prove that one is suicidal by dying?

It sure feels like it. My dad said said to me (among other things) that if I really wanted to die I would have already done it, asked me why I hadn't been successful in doing so yet, insinuated that it was for attention, said things like, "just fucking kill yourself already" and "don't TRY, just fucking do it", etc. To make it even more confusing, he said that he was saying this because he loved me, and then proceeded to guilt me about not having my degree yet, despite the fact that I was badly struggling with my physical and mental health, was being neglected by the health"care" and social systems and was trying to hold down a job on top of it all.

I rarely brought up the topic of suicide before he said all of that – the only times I can recall doing so before he said then was: 1) when I was a teenager and told him that I didn't want to live anymore after a childhood abuser threatened to make my life (even more of) a living hell; 2) when I was 20 and had to tell him that I had been advised to drop out of university classes for the semester because I'd been hospitalized, and I was telling him because he had been helping me with my tuition costs and I wanted to be transparent about where his money was going; and finally 3) when I was in my early 20s, having a really hard time and just wanted to talk to him because I (apparently mistakenly) thought that I could.

When he said those things to me it almost felt like he was challenging me and trying to "call my bluff". Whenever I work on my notes I have to strongly resist the urge to say something like, "I did it, dad." or "You didn't think I could do it, did you?"

 

[BloodyNobody]

Surely that belongs on a list of the top 10 worst things to say to a suicidal person. Is it issuing a challenge to prove that one is suicidal by dying? Or is the intention to depress them further by insinuating that there's no way out?

My thoughts exactly

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i get that a lot too. the thing is its not as simple as people think. for one thing i refuse to do it in a way that would give my abusers pleasure, also timing is pretty important in my case.

 

[willitpass]

i was told my someone in a psych ward that if i was really depressed i would have tried harder in my attempt, god damn did i want to go and off myself right then and there to prove to her that i "really wanted to die"

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course those people have no idea. Suicide is very difficult as we are programmed to survive, we want to die but it goes against our instinct to survive. Methods can also fail, and the society denies us access to peaceful methods. Those types of people are not worth listening too. Non suicidal people will never be able to comprehend what it is like. It is very insensitive to say things like that. If it was easier to ctb, I would already be gone.

 

[TheColdestBreeze]

got told that by a "professional". She kept going on about it too and i just felt like absolute shit and got a huge urge to kill myself. After I told her about it she said she "couldn't help me if that's how it made me feel".

 

[Zzzzz]

got told that by a "professional". She kept going on about it too and i just felt like absolute shit and got a huge urge to kill myself. After I told her about it she said she "couldn't help me if that's how it made me feel".

What a bitch. The arrogance of people is absolutely disgusting. They think they know everything. How wrong they are.