Venting Being the dance monkey isn’t fun anymore

[saringceiling]

the thought of ctb is being particularly strong these days. I know I already made a post here when I first joined but last night just gave me the axe straight through the "recovery" part through my brains. After having a conversation with my partner I just laid there and felt nothing anymore, like something just shut down inside of me. This felt a lot like back then when I had ctb tries. It was about our intimate life and I won't elaborate on it but I felt so useless. I have not been in the mood for a while because my brain is busy picking up pieces and trying to accept life but no matter if it's my mother, family or now my partner somehow I am not enough for anything and saying that I simply can not do something is not worthy of respect. I feel like I am a dance monkey that gets no freedom and has to work 25/8 while I am a rotting corpse zombified. Dance, dance, dance. But I can't dance anymore, my head is buzzing and I hear everyone laugh above my rotting body, it's muffled and they just continue laughing until they are far away living their life and letting me die here and that's okay. I am a wasted life, I have no job, no future and I only exist for others. I really look forward to when I can finally prepare my ctb again, I can't do that stuff anymore I really tried but it doesn't work.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be torture, of course there is no relief from suffering to be found in this hellish world and it must be really tiring feeling trapped in that situation. I understand why you would be looking forward to leaving this world, I wish you the best.

 

[saringceiling]

Existing certainly can be torture, of course there is no relief from suffering to be found in this hellish world and it must be really tiring feeling trapped in that situation. I understand why you would be looking forward to leaving this world, I wish you the best.

Thank you for your nice words <3

 

[Galileo3630]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so low right now. It sounds like you're struggling with feelings of worthlessness and being overwhelmed by the demands of others. It's important to remember that you are not alone in feeling this way, and that there is help available for you.

It's understandable that you may feel like you're not enough for those around you, but it's important to remember that you are valuable and deserving of love and respect. It's okay to set boundaries and say no to things that don't feel right for you. You don't have to be a "dance monkey" for anyone else.

It sounds like you're also dealing with feelings of hopelessness and a lack of purpose. It's important to remember that your life has value, and that there is hope for the future. There are many resources available that can help you explore your interests and potential career paths. It's never too late to pursue your dreams and find fulfillment in life.

It's okay to take things one day at a time, and to focus on taking care of yourself in the present moment. This might include engaging in activities that bring you joy or comfort, reaching out to loved ones for support, or practicing self-care techniques like meditation or exercise.

But yet again, I'm not here to stop you from committing CTB, after all, it's your life and it can be cruel at times, I myself wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy. But think about what I've said here, you don't have to be a dance monkey for anyone, no one has control over you but yourself. You're the boss of yourself and your own life, act like it and don't take shit from anyone.