Venting Being socially inept is lonely and confusing

[DynamicDepression]

When I try talking to people, they act as if I'm not there. All throughout my life, I have tried speaking to people (strangers, classmates, coworkers, even family) and getting back a look of disapproval most of the time. It's not that I say anything weird or rude, just regular small talk like the weather or a simple "hello".

Then when someone answers once in a blue moon, it seems that no matter what I say they stop replying a few minutes in. I don't think I say anything outrageous or rude. Maybe I'm just so dull that no one wants to be bothered with me? I don't think I am, but I might just be. I just wish I could know what it is I'm doing wrong. It's so confusing seeing other people do nearly the exact thing as I do and being accepted with open arms while I'm consistently rejected and left behind.

Even here, I feel as if all I'm doing is wasting server space. I feel so invisible. It's not that I want to be the center of attention, but just being seen every now and then would be nice.

 

[Someone123]

When I try talking to people, they act as if I'm not there. All throughout my life, I have tried speaking to people (strangers, classmates, coworkers, even family) and getting back a look of disapproval most of the time. It's not that I say anything weird or rude, just regular small talk like the weather or a simple "hello".

Then when someone answers once in a blue moon, it seems that no matter what I say they stop replying a few minutes in. I don't think I say anything outrageous or rude. Maybe I'm just so dull that no one wants to be bothered with me? I don't think I am, but I might just be. I just wish I could know what it is I'm doing wrong. It's so confusing seeing other people do nearly the exact thing as I do and being accepted with open arms while I'm consistently rejected and left behind.

Even here, I feel as if all I'm doing is wasting server space. I feel so invisible. It's not that I want to be the center of attention, but just being seen every now and then would be nice.

I struggled with something similar for a long time, and I started working in the hotel business and this helped me to overcome this. If you make mistakes in interacting with customers co-workers or managers will often tell you, and then you get to start over with a new customer. Getting into some type of job with regular customer interaction could be helpful for overcoming this, though it will take time. There may be liuttle mistakes that you are making without realizing it- in my case this was do to not learning social things at home, where it was mostly yelling or being ignored. Working in a job with a lot of customer contact could really help over time.

 

[DynamicDepression]

I struggled with something similar for a long time, and I started working in the hotel business and this helped me to overcome this. If you make mistakes in interacting with customers co-workers or managers will often tell you, and then you get to start over with a new customer. Getting into some type of job with regular customer interaction could be helpful for overcoming this, though it will take time. There may be liuttle mistakes that you are making without realizing it- in my case this was do to not learning social things at home, where it was mostly yelling or being ignored. Working in a job with a lot of customer contact could really help over time.

I actually worked in customer service for a month last year (summer job). None of the customers nor the managers had any complaints with me. In fact, I was one of the most diligent summer workers they had and even got a five-star customer review (which apparently was an oddity). For some odd reason, whatever it is that's causing people to reject me didn't interfere with my work.

Thanks for the tip, anyway. It's a great idea and I'm glad it helped you. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I'm in the same boat.

 

[Someone123]

I actually worked in customer service for a month last year (summer job). None of the customers nor the managers had any complaints with me. In fact, I was one of the most diligent summer workers they had and even got a five-star customer review (which apparently was an oddity). For some odd reason, whatever it is that's causing people to reject me didn't interfere with my work.

Thanks for the tip, anyway. It's a great idea and I'm glad it helped you. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I'm in the same boat.

This can still help, because the next step would be to be in a customer service situation where co-workers are hanging out togther- you need to find the right situation. I worked at a big hotel where a lot of the co-workers hung out together after work. A month may not be long enough to develop relationships like this. Just chatting more with your co-workers over time and seeing what they are like, taking lunch breaks together could eventually lead to hanging out together. Years in customer service would help, a month is not likely long enough. If you're in fast food interactions with customers are short, you don't get into extended conversations with customers. But in jobs where there are longer conversations with customers it can help more.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I can sympathise. I'm massively socially awkward. It's more nerves with me though. I'm frightened of people and especially groups of people that I have to interact with. Not so much random groups of people- like on transport, out shopping etc- although I don't like crowds. It's the social interaction bit.

Once gave blood and my hand was shaking- the nurse was really sympathetic and asked whether I was scared of needles. Felt too embarrassed to say needles were fine, it was the people I had trouble with!

It's so hard isn't it? Because I think we all know that we probably DO need to interact with people- we are social animals afterall. For me though, the fear of doing it outweighs the loneliness.

I really hope you can overcome your social issues. One piece of advice someone gave me was to ask people about themselves- people love to talk about themselves! I wish you all the best.

 

[Pluto]

I go through this too, every day. End up feeling worse after a social encounter, where normal people tend to be energised by them. Similarly, I notice people are happier being alone than around me. There's no energy, no satisfaction, no connection.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like in general, people can be very disappointing. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, I can imagine that it must be really frustrating. I know that loneliness can be painful for many. I hope that you find relief from suffering.

 

[HappyForever?]

Same here. I didn't fit in with other kids in primary school, only having a few good friends who bonded through video games and goofing around. In middle school I was socially awkward and mentally unstable. That resulted in me having no friends except the ones who play the same video games as me. I believe those experiences stunted the growth of my social abilities, and to this day I still have trouble forming deep relationships.

 

[whatevs]

This sometimes happens to me in GROUP conversations. Try one on one convos, the fuckers are forced to listen and respond!

This is probably just a side effect of being depressed, if you think it through. You're 'lame', 'grey', 'serious', 'insecure', not enthusiastic, not engaging. To me there's also a component of actually loathing what normies like and viceversa, which logically doesn't make interactions any more pleasant.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think you're cool!

 

[DynamicDepression]

I think you're cool!

Likewise, fellow corporate mascot.

To me there's also a component of actually loathing what normies like and viceversa, which logically doesn't make interactions any more pleasant.

I feel you on that. There are so many topics of conversation that bore me to tears or actively pisses me off yet the majority of people find them interesting enough to talk about all year round.

 

[CTBgenuine]

When I try talking to people, they act as if I'm not there. All throughout my life, I have tried speaking to people (strangers, classmates, coworkers, even family) and getting back a look of disapproval most of the time. It's not that I say anything weird or rude, just regular small talk like the weather or a simple "hello".

Then when someone answers once in a blue moon, it seems that no matter what I say they stop replying a few minutes in. I don't think I say anything outrageous or rude. Maybe I'm just so dull that no one wants to be bothered with me? I don't think I am, but I might just be. I just wish I could know what it is I'm doing wrong. It's so confusing seeing other people do nearly the exact thing as I do and being accepted with open arms while I'm consistently rejected and left behind.

Even here, I feel as if all I'm doing is wasting server space. I feel so invisible. It's not that I want to be the center of attention, but just being seen every now and then would be nice.

How old are you? If you're a teenager it could be a lack of learned social skills. I was an anxious teenager with NO social skills whatsoever. I've learned a few as I've grown. What are your hobbies? It could be different interests. Try finding people who share the same hobbies as you, this way you'll always have at Least one thing in common.

 

[ineverlived]

same. i don't feel like im a human