Valentino
Member
- Apr 10, 2023
- 29
i think about Ctb constantly, how amazing it would be for everyone to miss and mourn me. I know i wouldn't be there to see it but just the knowledge that everyone would regret how they treated me makes me happier than anything ever has. If I ever were to commit i would want to hurt as many people as possible with my death. Everyone is so cruel and horrible to me in my life, I'm a borderline social reject who never leaves their room except for classes and my only true friendships are with people online and everyone criticizes me for that. I don't want to participate in society because I just can't keep up with studies (I have ADD) and relationships and everyone just screams at me over it! i want to ctb so they understand how much i was struggling and blame themselves for contributing to my death. I know my reasoning for wanting to die is very selfish but i just want attention so badly, i've given up on wishing people would be nice to me and give me positive attention so pity would be the next best thing, i've been considering attempting and failing on purpose as a cry for help but i feel as if it is too risky. I am too much of a coward to actually ctb or sh because I'm afraid of the pain but i wish i could be euthanized painlessly or something, I'm pretty young still and i want to live longer but peoples mistreatment of me makes it so difficult, i just want attention and to be cared for and maybe that would give me the motivation to get my life together. im really sorry if my rant doesn't make any sense I'm just too upset to think coherently right now.
