リンさん
Rina • she/her, lesbian
- Sep 9, 2023
- 323
Just to preface: if you have any opinions regarding Russian people, what they should and shouldn't do, what they believe or don't believe in, keep it to yourself in this thread.
I respect and value all SaSu members, but, and I mean it in the nicest way possible, very few of you can actually conceptualize just how difficult of a situation we are all in. Let's not derail this into a political discussion thread. Thank you.
—
Today the news came out of Alexey Navalny passing away. I'm not keeping up with the news, because existing is depressing enough on its own, but this piece of information was loud enough for me to notice.
Disregarding all the criticism he has received during his life as a political activist, he was certainly the most prominent (younger) figure of Russian opposition. Honestly, I know that his existence alone gave hope to many of my peers that things could still change - even though most of us knew he wouldn't live for long. That's just how it is here.
Simply disagreeing with the government and being loud enough to express it is either punished by death or jail time.
My existence as a queer person in this country is something that can earn me a sentence just by the virtue of me being alive. It's sickening, it's suffocating, and I'm tired. I'm so tired that I want to never wake up.
Years spent building plans and pursuing dreams have all been shattered. My life has officially stopped on February 24th 2022 and I haven't felt alive since. It just keeps getting worse - never better.
I can't express myself without fear of being detained or questioned. I have to be careful about my appearance not to seem "lesbian" enough for people to pick up on. You are not an autonomous person in Russia, unless you play by P*tin's rules and act like a good law-abiding puppy.
Forget about freedom of speech. Forget about safety online or offline - I mean, there are literal war murderers walking the street who are living off of a fat paycheck thanks to participating in the war. Forget about building a family and falling in love - unless, of course, you are straight and cisgender.
Oh, and gender affirming care isn't a thing now by the way. So send your well wishes to trans people in Russia - they can no longer transition, be it socially, medically or legally. My heart shatters for every trans person who has to live in this country.
I honestly don't know what to do with my life at this point. The only logical solution seems to finally end it and hope for finding myself in a better place - Russia is my personal hell already, so how much worse can it get realistically?
I genuinely like and sympathize with my fellow Russian people. I feel happy and relieved for those who manage to leave. I wish I could do this too. But unfortunately, my prospects aren't that bright, as someone who is jobless, mentally ill, with zero connections made throughout my lifetime and barely any energy to shower every day.
I'm glad that it's not like this everywhere in this world. I'm happy for those who are able to receive quality care, opportunities or even basic human rights.
But I won't lie, I feel really jealous too. Especially of those who are naive enough to believe the only reason why things aren't changing is because people "don't want them to". ("Why aren't Russian people overthrowing their criminal, propaganda-ridden dictatorship? Are they dumb?" lol).
Anyway, I think I'll end it here (pun intended). Thank you for reading this lengthy rant. I could go on forever about all the atrocities happening in Russia of today, but I don't feel like reminding myself of all the horrible things happening whether it be inside or outside of this country.
Have a nice day and please take care. Do something nice for yourself and remember to be kind.
I respect and value all SaSu members, but, and I mean it in the nicest way possible, very few of you can actually conceptualize just how difficult of a situation we are all in. Let's not derail this into a political discussion thread. Thank you.
—
Today the news came out of Alexey Navalny passing away. I'm not keeping up with the news, because existing is depressing enough on its own, but this piece of information was loud enough for me to notice.
Disregarding all the criticism he has received during his life as a political activist, he was certainly the most prominent (younger) figure of Russian opposition. Honestly, I know that his existence alone gave hope to many of my peers that things could still change - even though most of us knew he wouldn't live for long. That's just how it is here.
Simply disagreeing with the government and being loud enough to express it is either punished by death or jail time.
My existence as a queer person in this country is something that can earn me a sentence just by the virtue of me being alive. It's sickening, it's suffocating, and I'm tired. I'm so tired that I want to never wake up.
Years spent building plans and pursuing dreams have all been shattered. My life has officially stopped on February 24th 2022 and I haven't felt alive since. It just keeps getting worse - never better.
I can't express myself without fear of being detained or questioned. I have to be careful about my appearance not to seem "lesbian" enough for people to pick up on. You are not an autonomous person in Russia, unless you play by P*tin's rules and act like a good law-abiding puppy.
Forget about freedom of speech. Forget about safety online or offline - I mean, there are literal war murderers walking the street who are living off of a fat paycheck thanks to participating in the war. Forget about building a family and falling in love - unless, of course, you are straight and cisgender.
Oh, and gender affirming care isn't a thing now by the way. So send your well wishes to trans people in Russia - they can no longer transition, be it socially, medically or legally. My heart shatters for every trans person who has to live in this country.
I honestly don't know what to do with my life at this point. The only logical solution seems to finally end it and hope for finding myself in a better place - Russia is my personal hell already, so how much worse can it get realistically?
I genuinely like and sympathize with my fellow Russian people. I feel happy and relieved for those who manage to leave. I wish I could do this too. But unfortunately, my prospects aren't that bright, as someone who is jobless, mentally ill, with zero connections made throughout my lifetime and barely any energy to shower every day.
I'm glad that it's not like this everywhere in this world. I'm happy for those who are able to receive quality care, opportunities or even basic human rights.
But I won't lie, I feel really jealous too. Especially of those who are naive enough to believe the only reason why things aren't changing is because people "don't want them to". ("Why aren't Russian people overthrowing their criminal, propaganda-ridden dictatorship? Are they dumb?" lol).
Anyway, I think I'll end it here (pun intended). Thank you for reading this lengthy rant. I could go on forever about all the atrocities happening in Russia of today, but I don't feel like reminding myself of all the horrible things happening whether it be inside or outside of this country.
Have a nice day and please take care. Do something nice for yourself and remember to be kind.
