Being numb is the only way to endure hell for the time being

[R_N]

Feeling strong empathy. Shut it down.

Attached to someone/something. Detach from the feeling if not the person/object completely.

Everything crumbling around me. Empty my mind or distract myself.

Physical discomfort. Got used to it since pain levels are manageable. Not thinking about it, just feeling it and accepting as new normal if something new pops up.


If I had even 50% of my old self in me now I would completely crumble. Just like any average person would in my situation. They would despair so hard and try to crawl from my hell, but they would never reach the exit.

Not in the way they would like it.



Just my random thoughts again.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This makes a lot of sense. A bit unrelated but I remember my boss at work once saying to me- you need to learn to show your teeth now and again. (Ironic because he hated confrontations.) That really annoyed me though. It's like- the only reason I'd need to do that is because someone else hasn't done their job properly. A job you employed them to do. So- it's up to me to discipline them? (I was only middle management- he was everyone's boss.) Basically- you want me to be the 'bad guy' and do your job for you? Overall though- it upset me because I realised I would need to be someone else to function in this world- and- I don't want to be that person.

Related more to you though- that sounds like being on antidepressants- basically numb to everything. That in itself is so depressing- that the only way to survive in this world is just not to feel. We're not robots/zombies!

 

[Nlis2244]

I feel the exact same way. I'm trying to stay numb for a few months. If i will still be alive by then, i think i'll just go crazy.