KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,692
In light of recent events, it becomes clear to me that there is still an enormous stigma against suicidal people, even with the upsurgence of "mental health awareness" messaging becoming more mainstream and prevelant.

I think the caricature of what a suicidal person is meant to look, think, and act like must contribute to this judgement in a substantial way. When I was a child in the 2000s, there was a pernicious perception of people who engaged in self harm or committed suicide in net culture, often being depicted as attention seeking teenagers who post angsty black and white photo edits and proclamations of pain for manipulative purposes. I can't even begin to count how many memes there were back then about "barcode wrists" or how being suicidal is a first world problem for tumblrinas.

While the Overton window has shifted towards having a modicum of sympathy for suicidal people at least, the underlying accusations of attention seeking seem to prevail no matter what. I think most people have an idea of how all suicidal people behave, and when one deviates from this script, all patience and compassion gets thrown out the window. If someone spams you with hotline numbers, and you don't get anything helpful from that call (or God forbid, the person on the other end of the line makes things worse for you) your reliability as a narrator is called into question.

Plus, people seem to think that you should be grateful for any crumbs they throw at you, even if whatever help or support they think they're providing actually does the opposite. I think there is an underlying assumption that during these interactions, we should feel ashamed and mortified to be struggling to the point of suicidality. Hence why there is such a huge emphasis on "think about how others would feel if you went through with it" rather than, "how do YOU feel and what do you believe would help YOU".

From my personal experience, people do treat you differently when you open up to them about these things. Despite there being so much insistence out there to talk about these things and open up to someone, no one really wants to hear it. It feels like they especially do not want to hear it if the problem which is causing you to be suicidal in the first place does not improve (which many people do not believe that there is an underlying problem in the first place, they think suicidality exists in a vacuum) They reduce it to nothing more than a symptom of extreme depressive mental illness which exists in nebulous isolation.

What I have learned from being suicidal for 10+ years is that I am meant to feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way, I am meant to hate my dispostion and use that shame as a motivator for change- a punitive quasi wake up call. Yet, when you've been through the fucking wringer trying to improve your life, no one seems to believe you ever made any sort of effort in the first place. Or they will insist that you do the same things over and over again, because once again you're treated as an unreliable narrator with 0 insight into your life. Why do people think one chooses to be miserable?

It doesn't matter how many times I bring up the laundry lists of physical and "mental" health problems that I have, or how many medications and types of therapy I can list off that didn't help me, or how many supplements I wasted my time and money experimenting with, my multitude of experiences dabbling with psychedelic drugs or moving across the fucking planet... They do not want to believe anything except that I am lazy, not trying, and should feel ashamed of myself for the pain I cause people by being suicidal and "refusing to change."

Before she severed our relationship completely, my bf's mother was threatening to section me or shove drugs down my throat herself, advocating for violence, restraint, and forced drugging against my will so that I could be "straightened out". She unironically thought that violence should be used against me to carry out a forced section, that I needed to be sectioned for months (which would cause me to be dropped out of my degree permanently and ruin everything worse) and that I should not be allowed to talk to her son until I am in her words, fixed. All this taught me is that I can't tell anyone how I feel or they will make threats against me and make me feel worse.

Yes, I do feel ashamed, but the hatred which other people have forced me to internalise has only made me MORE suicidal. I have deep seated self hatred because I have been abused so much for being sad, negative, physically inactive, a downer, and not being able to mold myself into what is normal. Yet no one questions whether I am physically capable of doing that in the first place, they magically believe I can because some quack on TV says all suicidal thoughts are temporary no matter the situation.

When that NYT article dropped, I remember there was an interview with one of the investigative journalists that wrote the piece which released shortly after. Here is a quote from that follow-up piece which really drove home for me how much of a pariah I am to people like this: ".. she and Dance met almost daily with suicide experts, who advised them to make sure they weren't glamorizing anything, that stories included true messages of hope instead of only despair, and that people usually pull out of suicidal thoughts."

How the fuck is that meant to make a person like me who has been suicidal for over a decade meant to feel? My life is fucking ruinous, and ever since childhood I have been forced to grapple with neglect and abuse from my family, developmental disabilities, exposure to death and loss, bullying, sexual abuse, grooming, abusive romantic relationships, prolonged isolation, being called ugly and treated like less of a woman because I am an autistic freak, abandonment, incurable health problems that I have been told have no treatment, health problems that required invasive interventions which have spawned more issues.. but I am meant to feel ashamed and despise myself because I cannot be happy carrying the weight of all of this or convince myself that this is a life worth living.

I've got to get out of here at some point. I don't know how anyone is meant to last like this. I am so scared of slipping up and being sent to a ward where I would no doubt be treated horribly. Just let me out of here.
 
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Judah

Judah

Enlightened
Oct 1, 2020
1,544
there was a pernicious perception of people who engaged in self harm or committed suicide in net culture, often being depicted as attention seeking teenagers who post angsty black and white photo edits and proclamations of pain for manipulative purposes.
I also remember this time, many of us were labeled "emo" due to resorting to self-harm things, God! If I self-harmed in those years, it was due to the unbearable bullying that made me hate myself more for not being able to fit in with others, not for following some trend.

My family and people close to me will never understand my suicide wishes, never put themselves in my shoes and hardly see it that way, I already tried once and they only used my arguments to make fun of me in the following days, so he stigma is there, and still exists
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,951
To me it really is so awful the way that many suicidal people get treated in this world, I believe that many non suicidal people are in denial of the fact that life really can get that horrible for people, they don't want to accept that fact as it would shatter their worldview so as a result they invalidate the suffering of others.
But anyway this world is already a horrible enough place without other people making things worse. People should just accept the fact that life is simply not worth it for everyone as that is the reality of this existence and nobody should be expected to stay here any longer than they wish to.
 
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Citruscine

Citruscine

dead in the head
Mar 8, 2022
53
This sums up my thoughts towards this. I remember after many fruitless attempts to seek help from helplines and 'resources' because I didn't want to bother anyone I knew, when I finally told some people that I was suicidal they dismissed me, brushed me off, and told me I was attention seeking. Around the time of some of my attempts, school counsellors and the police were contacted before anyone even reached out to me and my parents didn't want to acknowledge my mental health issues. Stigma contributes so much to the difficulties that suicidal people face and after they manage to go through with ctb, everyone suddenly wishes they could have done something and views it as a tragedy

FnA2F kakAARqD9
 
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Kualk

Kualk

May we all find peace
Jan 10, 2023
43
Incredible, you were able to express something I've been feeling for ages and haven't been able to express properly.
Truth is while most like to pretend they have sympathy for us, they often use us for their virtue signaling. They routinely shame and not debate these kind of thoughts.
There was a time where I wanted to get better and be "normal", told my friends how it felt and they merely laughed, told my family how it felt and somehow they were the victim ("How could this happen to ME", "How dare you say that kind of thing knowing YOUR brother had a medical condition", etc.), talked with the suicide hotline in my country and they told me to think about just how worse my life could have been, went to a therapist and they kept prescribing antidepressants that never did much. Personally feel like there is no real help for us, you either become happy and normal by yourself or you find yourself on this forum.
It seems like you have tried to seek help at one point, it is a great shame that you were not able to find it. Hopefully when the time comes you are able to go quickly and peacefully my friend.
 
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S

suisuiforum

Experienced
Jul 4, 2021
237
Absolutely spot on. The recent events that have occurred really brought this issue to the forefront again, reminding us that most people have no idea what it means to be suicidal. Mainstream society's misconceptions of suicidal people range from "attention seekers" to "death cultists," which can be blatantly disproven by just a little more introspection and observation. How many of us have never said a word to others about being suicidal because of the backlash we know we would receive? How many of us even here on this website have encouraged others to seek help if there is an inkling that people are uncertain in their decision to die? Of course, they don't realize that not all suicidal people are the same, and that we are all unique individuals who became suicidal for our own reasons. They think that the panacea for suicidal thoughts is all too easy to come by via hotlines and empty platitudes, without even considering that many people here have tried so many different types of therapy and medication to no avail, to the point where they are traumatized by the mental health system for good reason because of its propensity for mistreatment.

I'm so tired, and I also can't keep living like this. Best wishes to you 🤗
 
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punkarmadillo

punkarmadillo

Member
Jan 18, 2023
50
A group I am in today/ last night ended in panic mode and chaos as a member apparently spoke of intent to harm themselves, they seemingly tracked the member down and sent professionals to 'help' the group is now saying it should be a rule that no one is to express such thoughts or feelings and folk are saying how triggered they are and how traumatized THEY are. F society.
 
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