Venting Being looked down on for my illnesses

[Kokonoe]

Had a mental health crisis over this weekend while on a trip with friends, ended in my entire social life being destroyed because they all abandoned me. The most painful part has been how differently they started treating me when they realized I am ill, and they wouldn't focus on anything else. They wouldn't listen to me at all, won't tell me anything, keep their distance, pretend I'm not there, tell me "You need help from a professional, I can't do anything for you." It all feels so dehumanizing and it hurts so much, I'm sick of it. And the doubt they have over everything I say even makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel more ill than I know I am. It makes me want to cry.

I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get my thoughts somewhere? Maybe others can relate to how much it hurts to be treated like this. I don't know.

Had a mental health crisis over this weekend while on a trip with friends, ended in my entire social life being destroyed because they all abandoned me. The most painful part has been how differently they started treating me when they realized I am ill, and they wouldn't focus on anything else. They wouldn't listen to me at all, won't tell me anything, keep their distance, pretend I'm not there, tell me "You need help from a professional, I can't do anything for you." It all feels so dehumanizing and it hurts so much, I'm sick of it. And the doubt they have over everything I say even makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel more ill than I know I am. It makes me want to cry.

I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get my thoughts somewhere? Maybe others can relate to how much it hurts to be treated like this. I don't know.

To explain more of what's been happening to me, at least for my own sake..
My former best friend has distanced herself from me greatly after witnessing me in crisis. Went from supporting me in desperate times, insisting that I'm too important of a part of her life for her to lose me. To keeping so much distance, not acknowledging me, treating me almost with disgust, and no issues with losing me at all anymore. It hurts a lot. She even had the audacity to somehow slip a note to my parents when dropping me off back at home..? I don't even know when she found the chance and I'm still so confused, she never answered me when I asked. But she did this behind my back, knowing full well my parents treat my poorly, and that this could end up hurting me more (and it did). But essentially she told them everything that happened, and is now in contact with my (somewhat abusive) parents, and they're all treating me like I'm some sick child...it hurts so much, and I'm not being told anything so I'm extremely confused, and I'm being treated like I have to be taken care of, it's so reluctant, it's not like they care and want to support me because they care at all. It feels so strange. I told her everything I've been struggling with for the last 6 months, all my struggles I couldn't talk about out of fear, because I trusted her, and she just didn't believe me, brushed it all of it aside, just used it to treat me like I'm insane..it really hurt.
I'm still remembering so much of what happened that weekend and it felt so confusing, it hurt a lot. I couldn't remember that she had been to my house before, and she was very alarmed by that, and that's immediately when she started to treat me so differently. It felt like I didn't know her at all, I felt very uncomfortable. She kept telling me it's not my fault, it's out of my control, that there's just something "chemically wrong" with me and that I need to seek professional help. She kept saying that a lot and it upsets me so much. I have professional help, I don't like being told there's something "chemically wrong" with me..and why is she so insist it's something that needs medicine? What does she know that I don't?? Anyways, I remember her taking the time to bandage up some of my wounds that were still bleeding, and saying things to me like, "I know you don't know me now, but in better times we're very close." All of it made me very uncomfortable. It does feel like I never had known her very well? So having her say all these confusing things, and act so friendly with me like she knew me made me feel very uncomfortable. She has been treating me differently like that since, but she's been more cold and distant, which hurts a lot. The fact that she ignored me telling her to not involve my parents because they would cause problems for me if they knew, and talked to them anyways, hurt a lot. It hurt that she would betray me like that, treating me like I don't know any better...being treated like that is so frustrating. None of this feels real still. I really want to go back to how things used to be with everyone. I miss everyone. Please. This hurts too much.

 

[Griever]

 

[Happy Gilmore]

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. It definitely sounds like your friend needs to be more empathetic as well. You're feelings are valid.

I don't know what your parents are like, but it sounds like your friend still cares about you by trying to notify them. Maybe she's unsure of how to handle your situation/help you, so she wants to try to help you by getting them involved.

 

[Kokonoe]

Had a mental health crisis over this weekend while on a trip with friends, ended in my entire social life being destroyed because they all abandoned me. The most painful part has been how differently they started treating me when they realized I am ill, and they wouldn't focus on anything else. They wouldn't listen to me at all, won't tell me anything, keep their distance, pretend I'm not there, tell me "You need help from a professional, I can't do anything for you." It all feels so dehumanizing and it hurts so much, I'm sick of it. And the doubt they have over everything I say even makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel more ill than I know I am. It makes me want to cry.

I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get my thoughts somewhere? Maybe others can relate to how much it hurts to be treated like this. I don't know.

To explain more of what's been happening to me, at least for my own sake..
My former best friend has distanced herself from me greatly after witnessing me in crisis. Went from supporting me in desperate times, insisting that I'm too important of a part of her life for her to lose me. To keeping so much distance, not acknowledging me, treating me almost with disgust, and no issues with losing me at all anymore. It hurts a lot. She even had the audacity to somehow slip a note to my parents when dropping me off back at home..? I don't even know when she found the chance and I'm still so confused, she never answered me when I asked. But she did this behind my back, knowing full well my parents treat my poorly, and that this could end up hurting me more (and it did). But essentially she told them everything that happened, and is now in contact with my (somewhat abusive) parents, and they're all treating me like I'm some sick child...it hurts so much, and I'm not being told anything so I'm extremely confused, and I'm being treated like I have to be taken care of, it's so reluctant, it's not like they care and want to support me because they care at all. It feels so strange. I told her everything I've been struggling with for the last 6 months, all my struggles I couldn't talk about out of fear, because I trusted her, and she just didn't believe me, brushed it all of it aside, just used it to treat me like I'm insane..it really hurt.
I'm still remembering so much of what happened that weekend and it felt so confusing, it hurt a lot. I couldn't remember that she had been to my house before, and she was very alarmed by that, and that's immediately when she started to treat me so differently. It felt like I didn't know her at all, I felt very uncomfortable. She kept telling me it's not my fault, it's out of my control, that there's just something "chemically wrong" with me and that I need to seek professional help. She kept saying that a lot and it upsets me so much. I have professional help, I don't like being told there's something "chemically wrong" with me..and why is she so insist it's something that needs medicine? What does she know that I don't?? Anyways, I remember her taking the time to bandage up some of my wounds that were still bleeding, and saying things to me like, "I know you don't know me now, but in better times we're very close." All of it made me very uncomfortable. It does feel like I never had known her very well? So having her say all these confusing things, and act so friendly with me like she knew me made me feel very uncomfortable. She has been treating me differently like that since, but she's been more cold and distant, which hurts a lot. The fact that she ignored me telling her to not involve my parents because they would cause problems for me if they knew, and talked to them anyways, hurt a lot. It hurt that she would betray me like that, treating me like I don't know any better...being treated like that is so frustrating. None of this feels real still. I really want to go back to how things used to be with everyone. I miss everyone. Please. This hurts too much.

She's gone for good. So is everyone else. I tried to kill myself. It didn't work. I'm freaking out. I can't live to tomorrow. I can't. I have nothing left. I can't keep living. I'm terrified. I'm alone. I'm scared.

 

[Lily6759]

My former best friend has distanced herself from me greatly after witnessing me in crisis. Went from supporting me in desperate times, insisting that I'm too important of a part of her life for her to lose me. To keeping so much distance, not acknowledging me, treating me almost with disgust, and no issues with losing me at all anymore.

I've found that people in my life who have not gone through similar mental illnesses will distance themselves when you start to talk about your issues. It can effect them a lot more mentally than people who have lived with it for a long time. People get scared of us, they don't know how to deal with someone who wants death, or someone who struggles so much with wanting to live. Finding someone who is able to actually understand your problems and help you with them is incredibly difficult. I'm lucky enough to have met a single person in all of my life who I have recently been able to talk to about my issues in full. It's why this forum is so useful, it helps to find people who understand or can talk about those issues.

She's gone for good. So is everyone else. I tried to kill myself. It didn't work. I'm freaking out. I can't live to tomorrow. I can't. I have nothing left. I can't keep living. I'm terrified. I'm alone. I'm scared.

I'm sorry to hear how this has turned out. I have failed a lot in the recent past as well. I hope you find peace, one way or another.

 

[22yearsbroken]

My illnesses are very much looked down on as if im something that you find stuck under your shoe after walking through a field ... my illness was indeed self inflicted ..alcohol has left me seriously broken and dying slowly frkm all the tbings that come along with a failing liver.. trying to explain to people that the underlying cause was were my problems began ..it was used a coping .ethod to deal with my life.. too much loss too much grief and hurt..left me hollow and empty just a sack for of depression anxiety and anger..so the drinking got heavier as my life spiraled like a small snowball rolling down a hill it got biggwr and bigger and know i no longer have the strength or will to move this huge mountain of snow that sits before me...

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's just really sad that I think people don't know quite how to cope sometimes with the bare truth.

From what you've said, it sounds like she's been witness to self harm or at least, the aftermath of it. Plus, I imagine you have now mentioned suicide to them. If they haven't considered those things themselves or, been witness to them, I guess they may be very shocking.

I tend to agree with other people that, I think she does care but, she's panicking. The note to your parents does seem like an action out of not knowing what else to do. It's not to say it would help but I suppose her hope is that getting outside help would help you. Asides from calling the authorities to get you sectioned- which would be even worse I imagine, she may have felt like she didn't know what else to do.

I suppose logically speaking, she may see it like this. If you have been friends for a reasonable amount of time, she may be questioning what more she can do for you. If you seem to be getting worse- that may be the perception she has if you haven't revealed the details before, she may feel like she can't do more. She obviously likely doesn't want you to keep hurting yourself or worse, kill yourself so, I suppose it would make a sort of sense to her that she hopes you would be refered on to someone who could help.

It's got to feel awful that she's distanced herself or, that people are treating you like your crazy though. I'm sorry.

I suppose sometimes I wonder what people can do in a way though. What would you want her to say? Could she stop you self harming or wanting to CTB? Would you want her to simply be there for you until you do (possibly) CTB? I'm not sure many people do have the strength for that- sadly. I'm sorry.

 

[CynicalCyanide]

Wow it must feel terrible. I cant imagineto lose someone this way. Your post and some replies make me scared to tell my friends or relatives about my suicidality. I thought it is unhealthy to keep it inside, but telling it apparently has its downsides too. I do really think she was just very shocked and didnt know what to do. I dont think she gave that letter to your parents to spite you. It still sucks. I wish the best for you