So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?
