Being honest with ‘ friends’

[loopylou]

About 6 months ago I had a pretty bad mental health breakdown that I'm still riding now. At that moment I decided to remove every single friend from my social media account. I still use the groups and pages so I didn't want to delete my account altogether.

At the time I had a few ' friends ' ask why , they took it deeply personal but it wasn't really like that. I just wanted to distance myself from them so I guess when I go, it won't be so painful?

One friend this evening got upset with me and I explained that I'm actively suicidal and why and her response was ' you just have to keep going '

but .. why do I? For others? For the slim chance I will get over this? I won't, I know I won't. I tried, really really tried.

I'm tired to be honest.

can anyone relate?

 

[booray]

I can relate. Sometimes, things just don't get better...ever. Normies don't want to hear that, and why would they? They have hope for the future, and unfortunately we do not.

 

[wordsonscreen]

About 6 months ago I had a pretty bad mental health breakdown that I'm still riding now. At that moment I decided to remove every single friend from my social media account. I still use the groups and pages so I didn't want to delete my account altogether.

At the time I had a few ' friends ' ask why , they took it deeply personal but it wasn't really like that. I just wanted to distance myself from them so I guess when I go, it won't be so painful?

One friend this evening got upset with me and I explained that I'm actively suicidal and why and her response was ' you just have to keep going '

but .. why do I? For others? For the slim chance I will get over this? I won't, I know I won't. I tried, really really tried.

I'm tired to be honest.

can anyone relate?

I've really tried too. I am in a similar place. I do still talk to people who dont try to "fix" me or "change" me. Everyone wanted to. I told one friend who loves me a lot to stop because I will have to cut him off if he cannot stop. And he did!! Now I can just tell him things and feel loved and supported without him trying to give me hope or make me feel better. Have you tried telling people exactly what you want? It helped me. It may be worth it.

 

[loopylou]

I've really tried too. I am in a similar place. I do still talk to people who dont try to "fix" me or "change" me. Everyone wanted to. I told one friend who loves me a lot to stop because I will have to cut him off if he cannot stop. And he did!! Now I can just tell him things and feel loved and supported without him trying to give me hope or make me feel better. Have you tried telling people exactly what you want? It helped me. It may be worth it.

This friend this evening said ' you should of just said if you wanted a break from contact'
Told her it wasn't that just didn't wanna bring anyone down by being negative and suicidal all the time .
Before covid I would make plans then let them down they were getting fed up with me. Luckily covid has given me a good excuse to hermit it up

 

[WornOutLife]

I can kinda relate. Last year I stopped talking to my friends and people in general and became a NEET who didn't have any conversations with anybody. I just talked to people here on SS and a japanese forum.

Then, I started to feel better and got some of my friends back and now I'm actually meeting new people but I'm always honest. I tend to say:

"Look, I'm a depressed guy with bipolar disorder. There are days in which I'll text you lots and then I might disappear for a few days or even weeks. If you can deal with it, let us become great friends! "

 

[wordsonscreen]

This friend this evening said ' you should of just said if you wanted a break from contact'
Told her it wasn't that just didn't wanna bring anyone down by being negative and suicidal all the time .
Before covid I would make plans then let them down they were getting fed up with me. Luckily covid has given me a good excuse to hermit it up

Maybe you can say you dont want to feel like a burden. I had to learn to directly ask "am I a burden?" "do you care about me?" "do you love me?" "do you want to talk to me?". I found that asking directly got me clearer responses. Like I isolate because I assume people dont want to talk but maybe they do and maybe they think that -I- want to be alone when I can be around them if they make me feel comfy. You know? Feel free to ask your friend for exactly what you want :) Wanting to be hermit-y is totally okay!

I can kinda relate. Last year I stopped talking to my friends and people in general and became a NEET who didn't have any conversations with anybody. I just talked to people here on SS and a japanese forum.

Then, I started to feel better and got some of my friends back and now I'm actually meeting new people but I'm always honest. I tend to say:

"Look, I'm a depressed guy with bipolar disorder. There are days in which I'll text you lots and then I might disappear for a few days or even weeks. If you can deal with it, let us become great friends! "

yes! Setting expectations is great!

 

[Silver]

I have distanced myself from my friends and ignore their attempts at communication. Hopefully this will lessen their future hurt.

 

[Kotochan]

I wish I knew how to talk to my friends, but I worry so much about burdening them! It seems so easy to become a burden.

I also don't want to start talking honestly to some friends and start to feel better and continue to be stuck here just because I'm feeling some minor relief that will give me false hope. I'd like to write them a note on twitter when I go, but I worry that I might be doing the wrong thing and that it might be more damaging to them!

I was actually just about to post about this haha

 

[ashedout]

I don't have any social media tied to my actual self as a rule - I just find it so damaging all together. It might make your friends less offended/upset if you frame it like that? I definitely have a hard time talking about depression and suicide with those close to me. I even dread my therapist sometimes. My life feels like one big waiting game with just an endless cycle of depressed with suicidal intent waiting to feel better, and then feeling better but waiting for when I am inevitably depressed again. It's hard to put that on someone else and expect them to deal with it so boundaries are key.

 

[stygal]

If a "friend" gives you such run-off-the-mill advice like to "keep going" I don't think they are the right person to further confide in when it comes to such sensitive topics like depression and/or suicidal tendencies. The extent of those things is hard to grasp for (as others call them) "normies". How - when you're in that situation - you're whole worldview is shaped by this notion and from then on differs completely from theirs (e.g. life being worth it).

I'd say you might try to keep the conversation light or casual with people you feel like couldn't understand or grasp your thought processes.

The way I handle it: I only really go into detail or discuss anything in places like this.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I wish I knew how to talk to my friends, but I worry so much about burdening them! It seems so easy to become a burden.

I also don't want to start talking honestly to some friends and start to feel better and continue to be stuck here just because I'm feeling some minor relief that will give me false hope. I'd like to write them a note on twitter when I go, but I worry that I might be doing the wrong thing and that it might be more damaging to them!

I was actually just about to post about this haha

You are never a burden!! I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel this way.