Venting being groomed ruined my life

[aeri]

been groomed for the first time when I was 11.then 15. now im almost 20 and I feel like i still haven't healed from that and never will. it makes me feel so disgusting when I think of it

I feel like a horrible person even though it wasn't my fault. I'll take with me to the grave these stories. no one irl know about what I went through. they couldn't understand nevertheless... they would blame me

I feel like i dont deserve to be loved

 

[Rayzieka]

Unfortunately, I can relate. But remember that the rest of your life isn't dictated by their manipulation anymore and you don't have to do anything for anyone in that sense if you don't want to. And even if something unfortunate happens again try to apply it to the future because the rest of your life should be up to you.

 

[WaitForSleep]

I am so sorry. I very much relate to this, as the same thing happened to me (except I was 14 when it started). Guilt and shame are really difficult emotions to work through. The only people who know are my parents but we never talk about it, just act as if it's never happened.
Just remember, that absolutely none of that was your fault (although I know how easy it is to direct the blame inwards). You deserve to heal from your wounds, you deserve kindness and respect, and you deserve love.

 

[whywere]

My entire everything broke to pieces, not just my heart, when I read your post. I am so sorry and sad that something of this nature happened to you. You ARE a global family member here with all of us and YES YOU DO deserve to be loved. I love and care about you AND I have lots of empathy, understanding and SUPPORT for you. I want you to know that you are NEVER EVER alone and you have a family here that cares so much about and for you. Sending you lots of hugs, smiles and relaxing sunny days. Walter

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I was abused for a while from a leader in my church and he was able to use his authority to do it. I can't say it is easy or the shame ever goes away but I hope one day you can try to leave behind the manipulation and disgust for yourself. It wasn't your fault that it happened, you were a child. What helped me was therapy at times but I know it's easy to say what to do here for you

 

[Bat 17]

I am really disgusted about what some people feel they can do to those who are younger, vulnerable, in their care. You've done the right thing coming here for support and I give you the biggest hug I can aeri. Nothing can take away the damage that was done to you but I can only hope that sunnier, happier days are ahead of you.

 

[aeri]

thank you all, this is so sweet

I just had a little breakdown about it yesterday. usually I can live without caring about that. I just do as if it was all forgotten, and I know it wasn't my fault. but there are nights where I just keep remembering and can't stop thinking it was my fault. but now im okay. thank you all, it really warmed my heart to read you all

 

[FuneralCry]

People really can be cruel, and can ruin our lives. The worst part is we cannot erase past events and our minds like to torture us by replaying them. No human deserves to go through something like that. We do have the tendency to blame ourselves, I guess it is a coping mechanism. I hope you can find some relief and I wish you the best.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry to hear this. Life can be really unfair.

I can do nothing but send you lots of peace and hope things getter for you somehow.

If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

Hugs,

Matt