Discussion Being Glad you did it and still failed

[Spectre]

There's always this narrative that after you attempt, you will regret doing it in the last few moments before you die. When I tried with SN, I felt none of this and was quite at peace knowing I was going to die. It failed for reasons I won't go into, but do you have any stories of how you felt with the knowledge of death incoming?

 

[_Gollum_]

I relate, I've never felt any regrets about attempting, just for failing. It's been a year and a half since my last attempt and while some things have gotten better, and I'm not suffering now nearly as much as I was then, I still have such a deep, deep regret in my bones for failing. I wish I had succeeded. I wish I had been long gone.

 

[58Alice85]

Same, i attempted once with a different method.
Instant regret that i was still alive when i woke up in that ICU!

 

[sadgirlallonherownn]

There's always this narrative that after you attempt, you will regret doing it in the last few moments before you die. When I tried with SN, I felt none of this and was quite at peace knowing I was going to die. It failed for reasons I won't go into, but do you have any stories of how you felt with the knowledge of death incoming?

I can relate to that, during one of my most recent attempts in may I was nearly successful and the knowledge that I was going to die just felt so nice, I have never before felt so peaceful and at ease as when I felt my body shutting down and pass out but then I woke up in the hospital having been brought back from clinical death (if only I had been found 5 minutes later I would have been beyond saving) and I never hated myself more and had so many regrets for failing, the knowledge that I was still here despite how close I was to not being was so dreadful and every day I miss the feeling of my body shutting down and dying