Being forced to defer university has put me on the path of sucide and self destruction

[FireFox]

Last year I got into a masters programme into one of the top 20 universities in the UK and getting into that programme was the only good thing that happened to me, 2023 was the worst year of my life.

1 week when I was supposed to collect my student ID and complete the final stages of enrollment late minute issues regarding tuition fees meant I was not able to start my course. I was forced to defer as result it absolutely broke me.

Starting from New Year's Eve in 2023 throughout the year I have had nothing but bad luck and a long line of things going wrong in all areas of my life and so many crazy situations I found myself in. I was determined to make everything work out because I am not a quitter. Getting into that university was my new fresh start and beginning of a better life. Everyone else my age is married and has a career all I had was getting into that programme. All i wanted was 1 bit of happiness 2023 couldn't give me that.

I tried getting a job but constantly I get rejected all the time. My 27th Birthday was in May and I finally had a nervous breakdown. The year I start my course is the year I should have been preparing for final exams and graduation it makes me furious realising everything I have lost out on. I see everyone else my age with a career and a partner while nothing is going right for me in my life

I hate it when people tell me "it's only a year" NO it's more than that it's finally driven me to want to kill myself because life is not worth it anymore. I feel too old now to do anything. 27 is too old to be single, too old to be in a masters programme I will be the oldest in my class and everything is a mess.

Nobody understands and cares. I needed to start that year in 2023 for my life to be perfect.

 

[dinosavr]

Oh dear :(( No, it's a really sad story and I'm really sorry. It's must be a huge loss for you. You deserved much better! Don't let anyone tell you that it wasn't difficult. Your feelings are valid and they MATTER. I hope you find someone who will be able to understand it and give you support.

 

[Kavka]

It sucks, and you have every right to be frustrated. I also totally understand the feeling of being too old now, especially when you start to compare yourself to your peers who are the same age as you. It's just something you do automatically.

I started a bachelor's degree when I was 27 and I was really self-conscious about my age, although other students really don't care as long as you don't make a big deal about it yourself. If you are doing a Master's, the average age will be even older and at that point the difference will matter even less. I'm not sure how it's organised where you live, but if age really matters to you, you might consider doing a part-time Masters. Although in that case you'd probably be the youngest student.

I don't want to trivialise your feelings, because it really sucks to see everyone around you reaching milestones while you're stuck and struggling, but it's okay to do things at your own pace, there's no rush (even if it feels like it) and nothing is lost.

 

[Dot]

Last year I got into a masters programme into one of the top 20 universities in the UK and getting into that programme was the only good thing that happened to me, 2023 was the worst year of my life.

1 week when I was supposed to collect my student ID and complete the final stages of enrollment late minute issues regarding tuition fees meant I was not able to start my course. I was forced to defer as result it absolutely broke me.

Starting from New Year's Eve in 2023 throughout the year I have had nothing but bad luck and a long line of things going wrong in all areas of my life and so many crazy situations I found myself in. I was determined to make everything work out because I am not a quitter. Getting into that university was my new fresh start and beginning of a better life. Everyone else my age is married and has a career all I had was getting into that programme. All i wanted was 1 bit of happiness 2023 couldn't give me that.

I tried getting a job but constantly I get rejected all the time. My 27th Birthday was in May and I finally had a nervous breakdown. The year I start my course is the year I should have been preparing for final exams and graduation it makes me furious realising everything I have lost out on. I see everyone else my age with a career and a partner while nothing is going right for me in my life

I hate it when people tell me "it's only a year" NO it's more than that it's finally driven me to want to kill myself because life is not worth it anymore. I feel too old now to do anything. 27 is too old to be single, too old to be in a masters programme I will be the oldest in my class and everything is a mess.

Nobody understands and cares. I needed to start that year in 2023 for my life to be perfect.

Jst wn2 sy

Oldr ppl r mre commn in Msc prgrmmes - slf startd Msc wh ws 32 & ws prt-tme s/ ws nt 34 untl finshd

Lts of ppl wll b changng creers in 30s & 40s s/ finshng Msc & movng 2wrds creer in l8 20s = stll abslutly fne

Undrstnd u r feelng b-hnd in othr wys bt ppl tke Msc dgrees all thru dffrnt stges in thr lves

 

[Not A Fan]

I hate it when people tell me "it's only a year" NO it's more than that it's finally driven me to want to kill myself because life is not worth it anymore. I feel too old now to do anything. 27 is too old to be single, too old to be in a masters programme I will be the oldest in my class and everything is a mess.

Nobody understands and cares. I needed to start that year in 2023 for my life to be perfect.

27 is definitely not too old to get your Masters. Before I had to drop out of UCLA (couldn't afford it), there were multiple people in my classes in their 30s and 40s even, and this was just undergrad. Marriage and careers sucks anyway, what's the rush. It's not like people who have those things don't still decide to ctb. Some of them may be members of this forum.

For most people, that feeling of incompleteness just transfers onto something else when they get the thing they wanted. Someone who is miserable because they're not married, often finds, after they get a spouse, that something else makes them feel chronically empty. As soon as a desire is fulfilled, a new one takes its place.

Sorry I guess I have a shitty way of trying to be reassuring. Instead of "it's not as bad as it seems," I tend to say, "getting the things you want won't make you happy anyway, so stop worry about not having them." I'm not trying to bring you down though. It actually helps me to look at things this way.

 

[Davey36000]

27 is definitely not too old to get your Masters. Before I had to drop out of UCLA (couldn't afford it), there were multiple people in my classes in their 30s and 40s even, and this was just undergrad. Marriage and careers sucks anyway, what's the rush. It's not like people who have those things don't still decide to ctb. Some of them may be members of this forum.

For most people, that feeling of incompleteness just transfers onto something else when they get the thing they wanted. Someone who is miserable because they're not married, often finds, after they get a spouse, that something else makes them feel chronically empty. As soon as a desire is fulfilled, a new one takes its place.

Sorry I guess I have a shitty way of trying to be reassuring. Instead of "it's not as bad as it seems," I tend to say, "getting the things you want won't make you happy anyway, so stop worry about not having them." I'm not trying to bring you down though. It actually helps me to look at things this way.

Are you into Buddhism/Advaita?

 

[Not A Fan]

I have dabbled in it, in the way Westerners have sometimes been known to do. I'm a pretty big appreciator of a lot of the more philosophical and cerebral aspects. There are also some aspects of Buddhism that I reject:

Naraka (Buddhism) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

The Buddhist description of hell (Naraka) puts the Abrahamic religions to shame!

Why I ditched Buddhism.

For a 2,500-year-old religion, Buddhism seems remarkably compatible with our scientifically oriented culture, which may explain its surging popularity...

slate.com

I feel like in America we tend to focus on certain aspects of Buddhism that suit us. Nothing wrong with that. Those tend to be the parts that I like more.
Edit: I used the word "aspect" like 7 times in the post.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I followed a similar path to you. I was just too late to apply for my second degree (another BA- couldn't find an MA to suit what I wanted.) And it was the year the government hiked up tuition fees astronomically in the UK. It threw me for a loop too. I was 28 when I started. I was nervous about the age thing too but I think I was one of at least five mature students in my class. We tended to hang around together but I was lucky that pretty much everyone else was nice too.

That's not to guarantee that your experience will be the same. It's more that- you simply don't know. This could end up being the best thing you've ever done. It could get your life back on track. Mine did with me- at least for a few years. Alternatively, you could be right, it could all be a complete waste. You just won't know until it begins. September I presume? Only a few months to wait now.

I really hope that when it starts, it will be a good experience for you and draw your attention away from all the bad stuff that's happened recently.

As for everyone having a career and partner. Do you go on social media a lot? I tend to avoid that now because it just makes me feel shit. Not everyone has those things by that age. I certainly didn't. I don't even have a partner now and I'm 44. My so called career is so flimsy too. Not everyone is a success but I suspect most of the ones on social media will at least pretend that they are.

From what you've said about yourself in other posts- that I can recall, I imagine some people would already think you had succeeded in certain things. Didn't you have a job at a law firm? That's pretty intimidating for someone so young. I remember that some shitty things happened there- I'm sorry about that. In a way though, all these things teach us what we want in life and what to watch out for- to avoid. In some ways, I'm grateful for the unpleasant jobs I've had- I've learnt not to do them again!

Anyhow. Sorry if this has all come across as patronising and insensitive. It's not meant to diminish how you feel. I suppose I just hope that this course will give you the reason/ motivation to feel hopeful again and to maybe start to forget some of the recent shitty experiences you've had.

 

[pumpkins334234]

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely disgusting of the university. I can't believe how horrible and money hungry they are.
I have a similar experience. My education is really delayed and I had to repeat several years because I wasn't allowed to attend public school. I'm going to be one of the oldest ones in my year. I really do know how you feel, it's such a horrible feeling to be behind all your peers, but eventually you realise that not a lot of people care about your age, and having more experience can even help you more. My brother never went to public school, he had to start his bachelor's at 26. He has since graduated and works in the NHS. If you stick it out, I know that it will get better. It's horrible, it sucks, but it's just something you have to grit your teeth and get over with. I'm so so sorry though, nasty trick from the university.

 

[FireFox]

I followed a similar path to you. I was just too late to apply for my second degree (another BA- couldn't find an MA to suit what I wanted.) And it was the year the government hiked up tuition fees astronomically in the UK. It threw me for a loop too. I was 28 when I started. I was nervous about the age thing too but I think I was one of at least five mature students in my class. We tended to hang around together but I was lucky that pretty much everyone else was nice too.

That's not to guarantee that your experience will be the same. It's more that- you simply don't know. This could end up being the best thing you've ever done. It could get your life back on track. Mine did with me- at least for a few years. Alternatively, you could be right, it could all be a complete waste. You just won't know until it begins. September I presume? Only a few months to wait now.

I really hope that when it starts, it will be a good experience for you and draw your attention away from all the bad stuff that's happened recently.

As for everyone having a career and partner. Do you go on social media a lot? I tend to avoid that now because it just makes me feel shit. Not everyone has those things by that age. I certainly didn't. I don't even have a partner now and I'm 44. My so called career is so flimsy too. Not everyone is a success but I suspect most of the ones on social media will at least pretend that they are.

From what you've said about yourself in other posts- that I can recall, I imagine some people would already think you had succeeded in certain things. Didn't you have a job at a law firm? That's pretty intimidating for someone so young. I remember that some shitty things happened there- I'm sorry about that. In a way though, all these things teach us what we want in life and what to watch out for- to avoid. In some ways, I'm grateful for the unpleasant jobs I've had- I've learnt not to do them again!

Anyhow. Sorry if this has all come across as patronising and insensitive. It's not meant to diminish how you feel. I suppose I just hope that this course will give you the reason/ motivation to feel hopeful again and to maybe start to forget some of the recent shitty experiences you've had.

@Forever Sleep I see the people I went to school with because they attend the same church as me in my neighbourhood.

These women I grew up with now have husbands, children and others have successful careers. I have a family where relatives show off and I am not allowed to be open about any mistakes in my life because my relatives will finding it hilarious I am failing. When I got fired a couple of days after my firing my mum said " If auntie X asks about how is work don't mention you got fired she will be gloating and telling everyone"

I have relatives who enjoy seeing others fail because they hate the fact my family moved to the west and they didn't. In African immigrant families living in western jealously is rampant amoungst relatives. I actually hate my relatives they are the worst relatives in the world. My family keep forgiving them and tolerating their behaviour and expect me to do the same.

What have I got ?

I can't get over the man I love, this heartbreak feels impossible. I feel in love with a 55 year old man because he made me feel so special in a way no other man has done. All life guys my own age ignore me and never care to know me. I have the confidence to talk to guys, ask guys out and always show genuine interest in the things happening to them

My life I have been the invisible girl now woman it was wonderful having a man finally see me.

He messed with my head so much. I will never meet another man who noticed me.

I never worked in a law firm, I worked for a large housing corporation with a well paying salary and I got fired from it. One of the worst things about getting fired is I never even got to show what I was even good at.

Getting into that university was the only good thing I had in my life. I am so upset right now because this is the year I should have been graduating. I have been robbed of so much. It's painful realising this now.

 

[RoadBLOCK]

28 is not to old Look at the celebrities around you, they are fighting aging and love life very much Cosmetic surgeries, laser make-up, etc

You are not 50 years old. You can join a university at any time. Choose a university. You can graduate from it in three years. If you do not have money, you can work for a year or two. You will graduate at the age of 32/33. You have a long life.

 

[FireFox]

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely disgusting of the university. I can't believe how horrible and money hungry they are.
I have a similar experience. My education is really delayed and I had to repeat several years because I wasn't allowed to attend public school. I'm going to be one of the oldest ones in my year. I really do know how you feel, it's such a horrible feeling to be behind all your peers, but eventually you realise that not a lot of people care about your age, and having more experience can even help you more. My brother never went to public school, he had to start his bachelor's at 26. He has since graduated and works in the NHS. If you stick it out, I know that it will get better. It's horrible, it sucks, but it's just something you have to grit your teeth and get over with. I'm so so sorry though, nasty trick from the university.

My family constantly dismissed my sadness over being forced to defer saying "it's only a year" and how "everything happens for a reason"

It's makes me so angry because everyday I am crying for everything I have missed out on. I don't cry over things but this whole situation has broken me in so many ways. People think I am being dramatic.

Right now I should have been attending lectures and preparing for exams. Winter season was meant to be the year I graduate had I started on time last year.

it's makes me so angry how last year I had constabtly had a string of things constantly go wrong for me at the last minute. Sometimes I can't believe this has actually happened to me. It stared to go wrong from New Year's day.

New Year's day I was so upset at Heathrow Airport because I was forced to see my relatives overseas. I loved the Covid 19 pandemic because its was pure bliss freedom never seeing these relatives again due to travel restrictions. Growing up in a immigrant family my life has been spent visiting relatives in my parents home country ( African country)and I have always hated the trips since my teens. They were the worst summers of my life being stuck with relatives who dont care about me and constantly being forced to be something I am not. I grew to hate summer holidays because of these trips.

I can't even share my real feelings with my mother and grandmother.

During the stay we had a long line of things going wrong.

● National Power cuts the week we arrive
● The same week we arrived we are forced to move from our regular holiday accommodation due to the housing not being safe. Every trip we use this accommodation provider with NO problems

● My relatives as usual were just being so fake nice and entilted as hell. When we are in the UK these relatives show my family no respect but the minute we arrive in the country relatives are all interested in playing happy families. They do it because they want something they think because we are from the UK we have money and gifts.

● All I wanted was to go home and looking forward to the plane journey. Mid air our flight gets cancelled due to damage detected. I was so upset why out of ALL the planes the flight I am on gets to have problems.

● I regualrly sought comfort in an older man who I knew in the UK to escape all the feelings of being trapped .

February
● Heartbroken
● Fired from my job. Before I got fired I was struggling at work. So much went wrong at work.

My confidence was absolutely destroyed. because all I became known as the colleague who messed up all the time and I never got to show what I was good at.

Even simple things I was good at I messed up.

April
● Eating disorder gets exposed after my mother decided to open my parcels and found the new diet pills I ordered.

● May
I get accepted into the university

June- August
● looking forward to going to university I was so ready to start and had all these plans

September
● Forced to defer

November
● House gets damaged due to repairmen not fixing things properly. It was simple repair job.

December
● Planned trip to go to Brussels which I was looking forward too got cancelled.

 

[pumpkins334234]

My family constantly dismissed my sadness over being forced to defer saying "it's only a year" and how "everything happens for a reason"

It's makes me so angry because everyday I am crying for everything I have missed out on. I don't cry over things but this whole situation has broken me in so many ways. People think I am being dramatic.

Right now I should have been attending lectures and preparing for exams. Winter season was meant to be the year I graduate had I started on time last year.

it's makes me so angry how last year I had constabtly had a string of things constantly go wrong for me at the last minute. Sometimes I can't believe this has actually happened to me. It stared to go wrong from New Year's day.

New Year's day I was so upset at Heathrow Airport because I was forced to see my relatives overseas. I loved the Covid 19 pandemic because its was pure bliss freedom never seeing these relatives again due to travel restrictions. Growing up in a immigrant family my life has been spent visiting relatives in my parents home country ( African country)and I have always hated the trips since my teens. They were the worst summers of my life being stuck with relatives who dont care about me and constantly being forced to be something I am not. I grew to hate summer holidays because of these trips.

I can't even share my real feelings with my mother and grandmother.

During the stay we had a long line of things going wrong.

● National Power cuts the week we arrive
● The same week we arrived we are forced to move from our regular holiday accommodation due to the housing not being safe. Every trip we use this accommodation provider with NO problems

● My relatives as usual were just being so fake nice and entilted as hell. When we are in the UK these relatives show my family no respect but the minute we arrive in the country relatives are all interested in playing happy families. They do it because they want something they think because we are from the UK we have money and gifts.

● All I wanted was to go home and looking forward to the plane journey. Mid air our flight gets cancelled due to damage detected. I was so upset why out of ALL the planes the flight I am on gets to have problems.

● I regualrly sought comfort in an older man who I knew in the UK to escape all the feelings of being trapped .

February
● Heartbroken
● Fired from my job. Before I got fired I was struggling at work. So much went wrong at work.

My confidence was absolutely destroyed. because all I became known as the colleague who messed up all the time and I never got to show what I was good at.

Even simple things I was good at I messed up.

April
● Eating disorder gets exposed after my mother decided to open my parcels and found the new diet pills I ordered.

● May
I get accepted into the university

June- August
● looking forward to going to university I was so ready to start and had all these plans

September
● Forced to defer

November
● House gets damaged due to repairmen not fixing things properly. It was simple repair job.

December
● Planned trip to go to Brussels which I was looking forward too got cancelled.

I don't think you're being dramatic at all. I would be so incredibly upset if I were you, and I do know the feeling of being so upset and frustrated that things are spiralling completely out of your control, I know how horrible it feels for things to go wrong even though you yourself had nothing to do with it. It's circumstances completely out of your control, and it's awful how even your family refuses to empathise with you.

Your family sounds incredibly invasive and insensitive. I'm very sorry you have to deal with them. I hope one day you can move far away from them and see them only on your terms.

At the end of the day I really do know the feeling of being older than all of your classmates and peers and feeling "stupid" and like you haven't done enough, that you're a failure, even though the reason for that wasn't in your control at all. I know how horrible it is and when it happened to me I literally couldn't get out of bed for a month. I don't want to say that you'll get over it because it feels like dismissing your feelings. I just want you to know I, and most of my family members, were forced to defer their university education due to similar circumstances, and it sucks but we made it through okay. But it doesn't justify it or make it okay for you, and I'm very very sorry.

Fuck that older guy btw. He seems like he took advantage of a vulnerable person who needed help. Then refused to offer any actual help