Being cruel to your children in order to prepare them for the harsh world

[noname223]

This is such a fucking stupid idea. I think this was one of the main reasons why my mom abused me. Who in the world is so stupid to think that this was a healthy way to raise your kid Most people just develop very unhealthy mechanisms how to cope with life and stress. I think many children rather become dysfunctional adults, drug addicts, mentally ill, suicidal etc.

In most cases it does not make your kids stronger. Rather quite the opposite. I assume that there are many people here in this forum with parents with a similar attitude. My mom was also beaten by her grandparents. I am glad I will break that vicious cycle and don't procreate. I don't think I could become a responsible parents. I cannot even handle my own problems. Moreover I think for people like me who never were raised properly it is more difficult to have a healthy notion how one can raise a child. This is something I fear will happen with my sister. She has a lot of problems, mentally etc, horrible genes just like me. I really hope she won't propcreate but she wants to. If this child is 5 % per cent similar to me the child is already FUCKED.

 

[Julgran]

This is such a fucking stupid idea. I think this was one of the main reasons why my mom abused me. Who in the world is so stupid to think that this was a healthy way to raise your kid Most people just develop very unhealthy mechanisms how to cope with life and stress. I think many children rather become dysfuctional adults, drug addicts, mentally ill, suicidal etc.

In most cases it does not make your kids stronger. Rather quite the opposite. I assume that there are many people here in this forum with parents with a similar attitude. My mom was also beaten by her grandparents. I am glad I will break that vicious cycle and don't procreate. I don't think I could become a responsible parents. I cannot even handle my own problems. Moreover I think for people like me who never were raised properly it is more difficult to have a healthy notion how one can raise a child. This is something I fear will happen with my sister. She has a lot of problems, mentally etc, horrible genes just like me. I really hope she won't propcreate but she wants to. If this child is 5 % per cent similar to me the child is already FUCKED.

Cruel parents have no right to be parenst in the first place.

However - in contrast - I did read about very strict parents in Japan and elsewhere in the Far East, who discipline their children into becoming doctors, engineers and such - sometimes against the will of the children. I always thought that this was cruel, as well, but knowing what I know now about how competitive society is, those parents most probably did it for the benefit of their children.

Having said the above, if someone sees a parent scream at their child in an abusive manner outdoors, there should be nothing stopping anyone from recording that parent and calling child protective services.

In my personal opinion, having children should not be a right, but a privilege that one may have if one has a fairly functional life and a sound mind.

Do you have a good relationship with your sister? Perhaps you could keep a close eye on how her potential child grows up, and give it useful pointers later on, when it's older.

 

[noname223]

Cruel parents have no right to be parenst in the first place.

However - in contrast - I did read about very strict parents in Japan and elsewhere in the Far East, who discipline their children into becoming doctors, engineers and such - sometimes against the will of the children. I always thought that this was cruel, as well, but knowing what I know now about how competitive society is, those parents most probably did it for the benefit of their children.

Having said the above, if someone sees a parent scream at their child in an abusive manner outdoors, there should be nothing stopping anyone from recording that parent and calling child protective services.

In my personal opinion, having children should not be a right, but a privilege that one may have if one has a fairly functional life and a sound mind.

Do you have a good relationship with your sister? Perhaps you could keep a close eye on how her potential child grows up, and give it useful pointers later on, when it's older.

I am not that close with my sister. In case she procreates I try not to be too close to that child I don't want that my potential suicide traumatizes the child.

 

[Julgran]

I am not that close with my sister. In case she procreates I try not to be too close to that child I don't want that my potential suicide traumatizes the child.

It's good of you to think about the people in your surroundings, but think about yourself, too. Do you think that a potential nephew could bring you and your sister closer?

 

[noname223]

It's good of you to think about the people in your surroundings, but think about yourself, too. Do you think that a potential nephew could bring you and your sister closer?

I am not sure. I am glad this will still have some time (the child). We talked about the abuse which we experienced this united us. But we are quite different humans. For example she does not really understand why someone wants to ctb. It is difficult relationship. She hurt me with some statements. I think sometimes she is no that empathetic. And I am scared to get hurt by her again.

 

[Julgran]

I am not sure. I am glad this will still have some time (the child). We talked about the abuse which we experienced this united us. But we are quite different humans. For example she does not really understand why someone wants to ctb. It is difficult relationship. She hurt me with some statements. I think sometimes she is no that empathetic. And I am scared to get hurt by her again.

I'm not really following along here - is there some kind of a trauma that you and your sister share - such as abusive parents...?

Have you talked to your sister about your personal CTB plans, or just in general?

 

[noname223]

I'm not really following along here - is there some kind of a trauma that you and your sister share - such as abusive parents...?

Have you talked to your sister about your personal CTB plans, or just in general?

Yeah our parents abused us. And I have talked quite openly about my suicidal thoughts with her. I don't know I think many people in my family are rather ignorant. They don't take it seriously, live in their fairy tale world instead. I am not exactly sure what my sister thinks but I suspect she forgot most things I have told her. Just like my dad.

 

[Julgran]

Yeah our paretns abused us. And I have talked quite openly about my suicidal thoughts with her. I don't know I think many people in my family are rather ignorant. They don't take it seriously, live in their fairy tale world instead. I am not exactly sure what my sister thinks but I suspect she forgot most things I have told her. Just like my dad.

I'm truly sorry for your abusive history.

If your parents have abused you in any way, I wouldn't count on them to be understanding of anything.

Does your sister seem to have a busy life? Perhaps that could be the reason for her seeming lack of understanding of your CTB plans. Is she also younger than you? That could be an explanation if she seems to not fully understand that you two were abused as children.

In comparison, I, too, have a sister, who's three years older than me, and when we were younger, our parents abused alcohol, which my sister took great offence at, and it has colored her whole adult life, whereas I was never affected by our parents' alcohol abuse, since I was too young and ignorant when it happened, so I have barely been affected by it.