Being compared to a parent

[honeytea]

Does anyone else struggle a lot with being compared to your parents?
My mom is a very unstable woman and not always the kindest especially not when I was growing up, and I cant stand when people tell me that I look like her, I mean I know I cant escape that but I would like to believe I look like my own person and have no ties to her. Its especially noticeable when I gain any weight whatsoever then I'll def hear ''wow you look just like her'' which has caused me to be extra strict about staying fit, and I always bleach my hair to look less like her etc etc..
one of my favorite compliments is when someone says that I look and act nothing like her hah, does anyone have any similar issues and how do I heal from this

 

[InversedShadow]

I have got a similar issue, but about a chance of becoming a failure like my parents, that is being doomed to repeat their wrong doings, i have been gaslighted like it for much time and so certain someone in my family used this argument against me many times just to prove her point of doing good things for me, that she without a doubt does, but she is being all mean and way too confident trying to make me dependant like this possibly thinking that leaving me to myself is the worst of choices - Little does she know that i totally hate those comparions and i always tried my best not to dissapoint and not to reach the lows they reached...
You are yourself and you have to proving wrong those that say otherwise, its hard to ignore when someone foolishly pushes you their vision on u how u are similar to ur parent in that how u look ( even i couldnt stand it when im always said to look physically in one or another way to my Dad or Mom... its annoying! )

 

[Valky]

Breaking generational trauma is a very, very hard task, especially if your parents gaslight you into believing things that are not true. @InversedShadow I am glad that you can see what is going on and that it is wrong, I wish you all the best with ending that cycle, I believe in you!!


I get that no matter what happens, you will still always be your parents child and that to some, that is simply the most terrifying fact. But you are not your parents and you will never have to be. As insensitive as it sounds, life goes on, our parents will die and with them, those that remember them. They will age and look differently and at one point no one will compare you to them anymore. Don't feel bad for embracing your own personality, even if it has similarities to your parents. This is very cheesy but allow yourself to grow!