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Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,161
My therapist pointed out that being away from my toxic home has revealed aspects of myself that require healing. And many more emotions will continue to pop, which means the work I have to do is on going.

While I don't have to do everything in one day, this is the life when yuo have experienced severe trauma and abuse

Constant work that never ends. Its a constant cycle constantly of work, work, and just more fucking work

And you're supposed to keep on living no matter what

It's unfair, and cruel

Nobody wants the guilt of someone dying, but not everyone has the space to keep being around a traumatized person

By the weight of my trauma alone, I don't think this world will be too kind to me
Sometimes your problems are just too much

I wish I had simpler normal trauma. Mine is too complex

I put on a face in social settings and people like me for that alone

But if I show them who I am, I'll lose everyone
 
Naked Weapon

Naked Weapon

Watch another angel die
Jan 7, 2024
104
I really feel for you, as I'm in a similar position. Fixing things that seem almost innate at this point is overwhelming, unfair, and painful, to be sure. I do think it's worth at least an effort in terms of trying to heal. What I did for myself was I said "I'll give myself until this date to fix X,Y, and Z, and if things haven't worked out by then, I'll reconsider my options". You can start with one thing at a time to see if there are any improvements to your life, and it's up to you if you want to keep going. You deserve peace of mind, and I'm so sorry that you're not in a position to receive it due to factors out of your control.
 
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