Being autistic is worse than having cancer.

[Sadbanana]

You have to constantly mask. But some days you just can't. Because autistic burn out is a thing, you depleted all your willpower and it's no longer possible. Of course people will judge you based on your bad days not all the good ones. So many people that I spent a lot of effort to build friendship with lost respect towards me overnight. Because I was acting too wierd once.

You feel all negative emotions on three times intensity. But you are supposed to regulate them as if you didn't. People will think you are bad at coping and immature, because they can't imagine what it's like.

You are constantly rejected by others, for anything that is above a shallow friendship. Getting a partner is impossible. People think they are doing you a service for tolerating you around. You are extremely connection starved. Witch is amplified by feeling lesser than others.

You have been bullied at some point and it never fully stops, unless you isolate yourself.

You can't talk with people about complex ideas. Others don't think deeply about things. So even when you manage to have social life talking to others not only requires constantly accommodating for them by masking, but also never getting any intelectual satisfaction out of it. Not to mention masking kills all connection.

 

[CrowsFeather]

And then NTs often behave like shit themselves and can't regulate anything at all, but somehow for them it's perfectly acceptable.

I relate a lot to all of what you say about connection. I've been bullied to an extreme extend, been beaten and kicked regularly, spat at, shoved to the ground, threatened and made fun of and worse. For the horrible crime of existing in the same room as others and doing absolutely nothing at all.

So many people that I spent a lot of effort to build friendship with lost respect towards me overnight. Because I was acting too wierd once.

Yes, same. It became so frightening to me to form any new connections because this will always happen. Without a fault. And most often it's just really minor things. A little misunderstanding or something. And even apologising doesn't help.

You are constantly rejected by others, for anything that is above a shallow friendship. Getting a partner is impossible. People think they are doing you a service for tolerating you around. You are extremely connection starved. Witch is amplified by feeling lesser than others.

Story of my life too. Being tolerated is the best I ever managed to achieve. And it always comes with a caveat. I'm accepted because I do some service for them, because I give them sex or money or be their ear for all their problems. Or I'm that friend you ask out because no one else has time and you are better than nothing, but replaceable the very second someone else comes along.

And there is no cure.
You can spend a lifetime learning about social clues and psychology and human behaviour and how to mask all symptoms and appear human. And none of it will work.

 

[Sadbanana]

And there is no cure.
You can spend a lifetime learning about social clues and psychology and human behaviour and how to mask all symptoms and appear human. And none of it will work.

Don't even get me started on this one. There is literally zero help and zero (non useless) resources on social skill.

Every major breakthrough on how neurotipical communication works was from trial and error. All these social skills trainings and resources teach you nothing. Like I understand eye contact, or how to say hello. I need to learn how to pass 100% as neurotipical, not elemental level stuff.

When you go on youtube, you just find all those scammy pickup artists and coaches trying to leach off of your misery, while teaching you bs.

I can learn foreign language, because there are good books about it. If there were similar resources for social skills I would already know them.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Have you had cancer before?

 

[Sadbanana]

Have you had cancer before?

Nah, I'm just being hyperbolic. I don't know which one is worse.

I personally would like to have terminal illness. At least I wouldn't have to be here. But some types of cancer are extremely painful.

 

[itsgone2]

And there is no cure.
You can spend a lifetime learning about social clues and psychology and human behaviour and how to mask all symptoms and appear human. And none of it will work.

This is so painfully accurate.
We're not human. And it doesn't work.

So what are we here for?

 

[booplesnoot34]

I pray for cancer every day. At least I wouldn't get harassed and bullied for having cancer. And it would kill me! I'd do anything for a cure to autism. I guess the only cure is death.