hikki
Member
- Mar 21, 2023
- 9
Sorry for my bad English.
I wish I could give this life to someone that actually wants to live. I still don't know why I wake up every morning. I can't feel anything, nothing gives me joy anymore, and has been like this for almost 4 years now. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't have anyone, no one cares, no one ever would. I tried giving my best, but it's so difficult for me. People can't understand that, and I'm tired of trying to make them do. I always smiled even if I know I look stupid doing so. I always tried to look forwards. Nothing helps. I always shake, I always feel uncomfortable, but I always tried my best. I always tried to socialize, to do something with my life. Nothing. I'm a scum, I'm useless, a nuisance, liar. The people I hurt would finally be happy if I die
Memories haunt me, mistakes haunt me, the future haunts me, everything feels so wrong with me. And I did pretty bad things, and nothing can fix that. I'm a horrible person. I just feel trapped.
I tried to talk this. But nothing works. I opened my heart to the person I appreciated and loved the most, I gave pieces of my soul, just trying to write what I feel, trying to be the most understandable possible, because even now fucking hurts to think something to write. And that person got angry at me. Told me to stop being friends. I just know that no matter what I'll never be good enough. This isn't the first time that happens. It's obviously my problem. I am. I hate myself. I'm a horrible person. I don't feel like I deserve happiness, nor I think I'll ever be fixed. It's all so tiring. I can't properly sleep. I can't no more. Sorry if this is a mess, I'm trying my best right now, I'm just typing my thoughts in real time.
I should have killed myself when I could. I shouldn't have listened. I'm even more miserable than a year ago
I wish I could give this life to someone that actually wants to live. I still don't know why I wake up every morning. I can't feel anything, nothing gives me joy anymore, and has been like this for almost 4 years now. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't have anyone, no one cares, no one ever would. I tried giving my best, but it's so difficult for me. People can't understand that, and I'm tired of trying to make them do. I always smiled even if I know I look stupid doing so. I always tried to look forwards. Nothing helps. I always shake, I always feel uncomfortable, but I always tried my best. I always tried to socialize, to do something with my life. Nothing. I'm a scum, I'm useless, a nuisance, liar. The people I hurt would finally be happy if I die
Memories haunt me, mistakes haunt me, the future haunts me, everything feels so wrong with me. And I did pretty bad things, and nothing can fix that. I'm a horrible person. I just feel trapped.
I tried to talk this. But nothing works. I opened my heart to the person I appreciated and loved the most, I gave pieces of my soul, just trying to write what I feel, trying to be the most understandable possible, because even now fucking hurts to think something to write. And that person got angry at me. Told me to stop being friends. I just know that no matter what I'll never be good enough. This isn't the first time that happens. It's obviously my problem. I am. I hate myself. I'm a horrible person. I don't feel like I deserve happiness, nor I think I'll ever be fixed. It's all so tiring. I can't properly sleep. I can't no more. Sorry if this is a mess, I'm trying my best right now, I'm just typing my thoughts in real time.
I should have killed myself when I could. I shouldn't have listened. I'm even more miserable than a year ago
