Venting Being alive is embarrassing.

[Okokaykay]

I'm forcing myself to do more, mainly for my girlfriend's sake-
But my years of being agoraphobic mean I don't know how to do much without making a fool of myself.
I'm medicated and less impulsive, but I'm still unbelievably anxious in everything I do. Every day is so daunting and summer will be over soon. Classes will start up and I'll be left trying to keep up with everyone else all over again, only this time, I'll have more people looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm okay.
I should be thankful, but I'm humiliated by it all. I want to die. I'm hitting a point where I selfishly can't stand it anymore. I just want to die and be rid of everyone. I feel so sick of myself

 

[Surai]

having to catch up with people is the worst feeling and having people look over your shoulder can make it harder to focus but Hopefully they are a help if you do need them