Being a "safe place" vs being a place for discussion

[Futile]

Hi everyone, despite having a new account here, I actually lurk this community since the reddit days and I've been noticing a lot of changes since those days.

In particular, since reddit is an open site, every day would come loads of pro-lifers vomiting their usual shit, this would cause always a lot of discussion, but took much space to the various personal stories which got quickly buried under the "battlefield"

On the other hand here people can share their personal stories freely and I've been noticing the forum taking a more "personal" form which, between the other things, made possible to form stricter connections between the users. While this is certainly great, it has brought a sense of complete disproval of any kind of discussion which seems to be considered a drect attack to whoever made the post.

Now, I admit being the first to have started "wars" over various things, especially a couple sensible topics for me. I realize it was wrong to do and I apologize, I still think what I think, but maybe there's no need to make a crusade every time

But I swear there are people here who crumble at first sign of criticism or even a different opinion, it surely can't be healthy to live like that. Too much coddling does not protect an user and instead creates a sense of fakeness, as in people are just saying the same made up sentences without any meaning behind it (which ironically is what pro-lifers are accused of doing)

This is also why I don't like the reactions, they go against the purpose of a forum making it more like a social media, and that's the last thing I'd want

Of course this is just my opinion, feel free to tell me what you think about it

 

[Sprite_Geist]

You make a good point. It is a difficult balancing act to have an environment were everyone tries to care for one another and shows empathy, but a at the same time gives people the ability to speak how they think; those two values can conflict. Sometimes a piece of genuine criticism that is not intended to be hostile is wrongly intepreted as an attack, and contrariwise a comment that is actually intended to hurt or insult is given a pass, and the recipient is unfairly dismissed... The problem is where do we draw the line?

 

[cii]

I have lurked since the reddit days too, and god it is so good that the battlefields are gone. No prolifers here who can just join the forum anytime and act like they care and they'll be there for me then leave me on read the next day. No one trying to convince me to live or die. There's less bitterness here too. Back on r/ss I used to see posts on the regular just dissing prolifers, here people are busy expressing their pain and supporting each other instead, which is very nice. The moderation is very good, versus reddit which literally didn't have any lol.

Honestly, it goes both ways regarding your sensitivity issue. People here have been hurt a lot in their lives (obvs) and as a result they are more sensitive, especially since this is basically a space for support, they are rarely seeking criticism in their posts. Yes, it's not healthy to live like that, but that's why we all wanna die lol. So we have to exercise some caution with how we address others and their thoughts so they can get the support that they need.

I feel similarly to you. I also tend to "wage wars" about topics that are sensitive for me, I have a lot of anger and it's hard to keep it in when someone says/does something I don't like. This is a personal problem and it's not healthy to do things like that, and that's why I want to die. So others have to understand that I might go off on someone far more than I needed to, and forgive me (provided I watch myself next time of course).

So it's a two way street really. We're all in pain, and we all have to be kind to each other and try to be in harmony even if we are struggling in ways that conflict with each other.

I understand what you mean by fakeness, and while there are virtue signalers, I didn't feel like the prolifers on r/ss were very fake.

There was this one woman who contacted me after I made a post there telling me not to kill myself because her mom had just killed herself a few days before I posted. She told me about how horribly her mother died in front of her and her dad choking on her own vomit and how she didn't want anyone to die again, which is why she went on r/ss. There was another very sensitive, empathetic girl who was downvoted to oblivion on r/ss for trying to convince me to live but even then she went through all my posts to understand my story and stayed in contact with me for 2 years because she thought I was a good person and she didn't want me to die. I stopped messaging her because I decided to ctb anways, but many prolifers are prolifers just because they really care about your life. Not all of them, maybe not most of them, but some of them at least.

Similarly, here I doubt most people are being fake. Yes, some of them are probably just saying things to keep the peace. But many others are saying it because they mean it. So yeah.

I like the emojis because it allows me to express how I feel without typing a whole comment. I wish there were more emoji options tbh, so I could express myself even better. Yes it's like facebook, but that doesn't really make it a bad feature, I still like it.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I get what you say, buddy.

I didn't plan to spend a significant amount of time on this forum, courtesy of the fact I didn't think my CTB plan is dumb and isn't going to work. But I did stick for a while, and the longer I stay, the more discouraged I feel to post anything at all, and the way people react to fairly harmless posts (not even mine, I haven't posted anything really meaningful in a while) depresses me.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It can sometimes be difficult for people to distinguish between a different view and a direct attack. People can be vulnerable and have their own agenda and triggers. Sometimes a genuine difference of opinion can be construed as an attack and sometimes personal attacks can be subtly hidden in a clever argument.
So yes, it can be tough, from whichever perspective you look at it.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Just be polite and learn to agree to disagree. You can give your opinion on things without necessarily arguing against someone else's. Also have to consider where the discussion is; if someone opened a thread venting or talking about their personal life it is probably not really appropriate to start a debate about your own opinions there.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Just be polite and learn to agree to disagree. You can give your opinion on things without necessarily arguing against someone else's. Also have to consider where the discussion is; if someone opened a thread venting or talking about their personal life it is probably not really appropriate to start a debate about your own opinions there.

Fair point.
So basically as long as I (or anyone else, but let's take me for example) refrain from questioning other's point of view too much to prevent prolonged arguments and don't post in threads that talk about someone's personal life unless I have something helpful or encouraging to say, I am not causing drama and am not a horrible person for posting?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Fair point.
So basically as long as I (or anyone else, but let's take me for example) refrain from questioning other's point of view too much to prevent prolonged arguments and don't post in threads that talk about someone's personal life unless I have something helpful or encouraging to say, I am not causing drama and am not a horrible person for posting?

I wouldn't even think about it that hard ngl. I would say if you want to share an opinion share it politely and if it seems like it could be interpreted as a criticism of the OP state clearly that that's not your intention. In general most posts are gonna be fine, and if you feel like it's turning into an argument when that wasn't the point in the post just leave it there and don't push the topic.