Being a failure and regretting impact on others as big part of ctb reasons?

[LonelyKitten]

Not much of a special thought.
Just wondered if anyone else felt similar.

The more I've been reviewing my life, the more I feel like it's actually better for others if I go. If we "factually" look at the record, y'know.
I did so much dumb, irresponsible, and hurtful (emotional/financial, never physical) stuff that it's like. What do I really offer? Some kind of promise?
Well, what did I offer when I had a real chance at life? Yeah, that's right. Maybe I'm all alone and miserable for a reason right now.

Could just be another way to try and ease the impact of a likely impending doom. I don't know.
A few moments ago I was crying, but then I realized how kind of bad I've been, and now I'm just laughing.

Maybe I'm considering finally doing something morally correct for once? Not that it's a big deal or impact.
Just the tiniest, teensiest improvement, for a tiny group of people.

 

[ChampagneSupernova]

Not much of a special thought.
Just wondered if anyone else felt similar.

The more I've been reviewing my life, the more I feel like it's actually better for others if I go. If we "factually" look at the record, y'know.
I did so much dumb, irresponsible, and hurtful (emotional/financial, never physical) stuff that it's like. What do I really offer? Some kind of promise?
Well, what did I offer when I had a real chance at life? Yeah, that's right. Maybe I'm all alone and miserable for a reason right now.

Could just be another way to try and ease the impact of a likely impending doom. I don't know.
A few moments ago I was crying, but then I realized how kind of bad I've been, and now I'm just laughing.

Maybe I'm considering finally doing something morally correct for once? Not that it's a big deal or impact.
Just the tiniest, teensiest improvement, for a tiny group of people.

Not trying to invalidate how you feel. But something to keep in mind: Just about everyone around you has done or thought terrible things. Most just won't be honest with themselves. I think most of the folks here are honest with themselves and that's part of why we're here. It's a self defense mechanism our brains do to keep us going. We pretend to be more educated than we are, same for morality. But that part doesn't work quite the same for us. I don't know your story, so I can't speak to what you have done, just know nobody is a saint. We're all human.