Venting Been staring at my bottles of N

[bed]

i've just been sitting here..staring at them. why can't i just drink them. i hate my fucking mind. why is my si so strong when my life is so terribly bad. I just want out...

 

[Darkover]

i wish i was in your position i know i would drink it easily due to this chronic pain caused by a brain injury, i wouldn't do it right now but when the pain is unbearable and that's often i would do it.

 

[bed]

i wish i was in your position i know i would drink it easily due to this chronic pain caused by a brain injury, i wouldn't do it right now but when the pain is unbearable and that's often i would do it.

i have chronic pain as well.

i feel even more worthless.

 

[wereqryan]

Oh you got your N huh!! Massive congrats brother.

Don't worry about SI. It'll get better in time. Did you test your N yet?

 

[bed]

Oh you got your N huh!! Massive congrats brother.

Don't worry about SI. It'll get better in time. Did you test your N yet?

i did not, i trust the source.

 

[Zzzzz]

Try not to feel bad. Even with the most peaceful, painless methods SI is incredibly powerful .

 

[PeacefulTonic]

There's no rush. When you're ready you'll know. You got the golden ticket now, you can leave whenever you want. Is there anything you want to do in this world before you go?

 

[bed]

There's no rush. When you're ready you'll know. You got the golden ticket now, you can leave whenever you want. Is there anything you want to do in this world before you go?

nothing man, besides saying goodbye to one person...and i can't. They hurt me and that's literally the only thing I want to do.

everything else seems so pointless. I have no desires, no goals or ambitions.

 

[Darkover]

i have chronic pain as well.

i feel even more worthless.

it always comes down to the less unpleasant of two poor choices, sometimes the pain is so unbearable it hurts like hell, thats how i know i'd drink it, it's just like someone who would jump out a window of a burning building instead of being burned alive, some days i can't even watch a movie or read anything or listen to music my brain is that stress that all i can think about is the pain, i use to be programmer but i can't work anymore

 

[PeacefulTonic]

nothing man, besides saying goodbye to one person...and i can't. They hurt me and that's literally the only thing I want to do.

everything else seems so pointless. I have no desires, no goals or ambitions.

Damn. That's rough. I would probably still say goodbye to that person, but maybe I'd change my mind if I knew the situation. Sorry life has come to this point for you man. I can feel that you're a good person just by our interactions alone. Shitty things always happen to good people in this world. It fucking sucks

 

[FuneralCry]

N is the best suicide method in my opinion. At least you have the option to leave peacefully at a time of your own choosing. I can imagine it must be frustrating what you are going through, as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive, it is the way we have evolved. I wish you the best. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[xLosthopex]

Same

 

[Beeper]

In a similar situation, I have SN and sufficient medication for my exit. I keep thinking about utilizing it, though I have been pushing back my CTB date for various reasons.

Best wishes to you.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

N is the best suicide method in my opinion. At least you have the option to leave peacefully at a time of your own choosing.

Yeah. OP don't stress too much you have your bus ticket now. All you have to do is wait for the right day to claim the ticket. It could be tomorrow or it could be a year from now. Only you can decide.

I am waiting on delivery atm. The plan is to take a few days to tie up loose ends and then finally leave this prison planet for good. I am so anxious. I hope nothing goes wrong during transit (I have unbelievably bad luck).

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have my N bottles in my closet for 3 months. I am not stressed but I am waiting for the moment when I feel it is finally my time. I feel way overdue too.

 

[bed]

Yeah. OP don't stress too much you have your bus ticket now. All you have to do is wait for the right day to claim the ticket. It could be tomorrow or it could be a year from now. Only you can decide.

I am waiting on delivery atm. The plan is to take a few days to tie up loose ends and then finally leave this prison planet for good. I am so anxious. I hope nothing goes wrong during transit (I have unbelievably bad luck).

I was very anxious as well while it was in transit and had a weird experience while being so. It arrived though nonetheless and very quickly.

 

[no-name9859472882]

i've just been sitting here..staring at them. why can't i just drink them. i hate my fucking mind. why is my si so strong when my life is so terribly bad. I just want out...

Where did you get your N from ?

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I was very anxious as well while it was in transit and had a weird experience while being so. It arrived though nonetheless and very quickly.

How did you feel once you received your N? It must be an odd feeling. Maybe a sense of relief? I guess even with the best methods, SI will still be present. At least it is better than hanging or jumping.

A part of me wishes I was badass enough to walk into a lake holding a big rock or douse myself in gasoline and set myself on fire. It a twisted way I really admire people who ctb with badass methods. Top 1 has to be the viral video of the Chinese steelworker jumping into a large open vat of molten steel. That's how the Terminator died in the movies.

 

[bed]

How did you feel once you received your N? It must be an odd feeling. Maybe a sense of relief? I guess even with the best methods, SI will still be present. At least it is better than hanging or jumping.

A part of me wishes I was badass enough to walk into a lake holding a big rock or douse myself in gasoline and set myself on fire. It a twisted way I really admire people who ctb with badass methods. Top 1 has to be the viral video of the Chinese steelworker jumping into a large open vat of molten steel. That's how the Terminator died in the movies.

I felt overwhelmed at first but soon calmed down. A bit relieved as well I guess.

A week later it just feels unreal to have it in my possession.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I felt overwhelmed at first but soon calmed down. A bit relieved as well I guess.

A week later it just feels unreal to have it in my possession.

I guess with all things in life, nothing really lives up to the expectation. I seriously don't know how people are so satisfied all the time.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

not gonna lie i'm a little jealous..

 

[bed]

not gonna lie i'm a little jealous..

pretty straightforward to get if you have the funds

 

[DontGiveAshiit]

Yeah. OP don't stress too much you have your bus ticket now. All you have to do is wait for the right day to claim the ticket. It could be tomorrow or it could be a year from now. Only you can decide.

I am waiting on delivery atm. The plan is to take a few days to tie up loose ends and then finally leave this prison planet for good. I am so anxious. I hope nothing goes wrong during transit (I have unbelievably bad luck).

believe me I have the worst luck, and I was very worried while my N shipped, I was sure the customs gonna take it, but eventually I got it. So Im sure you dont need to worry.
When I received it I was so happy, easily one of the best days in my life.
currently trying to get the other supplements. I dont think I have strong SI that prevent me from taking it (although I will never know I guess until I actually try to do it) but the one thing that keeps me here is my mother. I have no idea how I can leave her..... without her I would do it in a heartbeat

 

[Snake of Eden]

but the one thing that keeps me here is my mother. I have no idea how I can leave her..... without her I would do it in a heartbeat

i am in same position. My N is here collecting dust while I am unable to get over causing grief for my mother

 

[boc]

This is me. I feel the same way. There will be once a week where I'll just stare at a bottle of N for an hour or so.

I know I want to CTB, and I've prepared everything I can: antiemetics, notes, delayed e-mails. I'm waiting for the day I can get over my SI. Give it time, there's no rush. Open to suggestions by others though who are facing the same dilemma.

I'm sure something will come along one day that will give me the push.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

pretty straightforward to get if you have the funds

Please advise how I can find a good source please - you can message me. Thanks!

 

[bed]

Please advise how I can find a good source please - you can message me. Thanks!

the PPeH has the source. Use source B (D). A is a scammer at this point and has been taken out of the recently updated PPeH.

 

[addressunknown]

pretty straightforward to get if you have the funds

Couldn't find any proper seller despite weeks of research on dw. Only scams