Been purging for 2 days

[FireFox]

Yesterday was Christmas day and my Christmas dinner ended up in the toilet by the evening.

For Christmas dinner i had lamb, potatoes , tenderstem broccoli and cake.

I ended up going to the toilet and i stuck a toothbrush down my throat until i threw up.

It was discomforting at first the chucks of food trying to exit my mouth but it felt so good when the food all came out.

Today i purged again this time my family where asleep ( mum and sister) , stepdad was too busy watching tv and my nan was in the living room phoning her sister. Before i purged i turned on the bathtub tap so drown out the vomiting noises. I then had a bath. I opened the bathroom windows and cleaned the toliet.

After having a bath i had a chocolate cake but then i ended up throwing up naturally. The chocolate cake was my favourite i wanted it to stay in my stomach.

No one in my family suspects anything they all believe i was having a bath the entire time.

Purging is so much better than crying.

After purging I feel better and relaxed . My throat is burning and hurts when i shallow.

My stomach is flat and feels perfect.

2 days in a row i have been purging

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh dear, I'm sorry you're doing this but if it really makes you feel better, I think it somehow is helping.

In my case, my help is alcohol. It's the only thing which turns off my brain and brings only the happiness!

Then, hangover comes and ruins everything up!

 

[Nymph]

Sorry that you have fallen into this trap, I'm sure you know of all the dangers that purging causes. I really hope you find an alternative way to cope with your issues because purging is really terrible. Sending hugs

 

[JackTheStripper]

I'm sorry that you're going down this awful rabbit hole :/ I know how it is to binge and purge regularly and even though you may feel like you're in control at first, you aren't. Trust me, purging will really fuck your body up. I hope you find another way to cope with things...
Sending hugs and lots of support

 

[Isadeth]

I'm sorry you're stuck in this vicious cycle. I'm not a recovering bulimic but I am recovering from anorexia and this time of year is so hard. It's taking everything I have to not restrict in an extreme sense and lose my progress just to feel in control during this time of year. I hope you find an alternative way to cope, but if not, I understand.

 

[Ghost2211]

If you are doing this for self harm there are much better way to do so. If you're doing this to lose weight anorexia is preferable to bulimia medically. I hope you find a better coping tool as this will destroy your esophagus, and teeth.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm sorry you're going through this but I can understand the feeling you get after purging. I used to do it all the time for every meal and it felt amazing. It can become addictive, binging and purging was a continuous cycle for me.

 

[Canon1]

I know what you feel. I am purging too because it gives me a feeling of relief and I know that I don't gain fat or anything. Have done it for years exactly like you with toothbrush.

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry you're going through this but I can understand the feeling you get after purging. I used to do it all the time for every meal and it felt amazing. It can become addictive, binging and purging was a continuous cycle for me.

sadgirl2002
Feeling after purging is amazing . All the feelings of feeling like a failure are gone after purging. I can relax and feel relieved.
My thoart is sore especially when i shallow .

I know what you feel. I am purging too because it gives me a feeling of relief and I know that I don't gain fat or anything. Have done it for years exactly like you with toothbrush.

Canon1

Yes you get it. It is the relief that is amazing that how i feel.
All the feelings of being a failure which cause me distress and misery no longer exist after purging
It is so much better than crying.

As time went on more and more I feel alone and i dont belong in this world. I cant share my feelings with my family and friends.
My stepfather is a lovely guy and has treated me as if i was own his child. He has been a father figure to me but he really doesn't get it .
He can't see how miserable i am
He thinks i will overcome what ever issue i am facing

This week we were having a discussion about life in the kitchen
I said " whether life is worth living it is really depends on the perspective of the individual. I personally don't think life is worth living "

He thought i was joking and being ridiculous.

My mum and nan dont really listen at all or want to listen at all. I told my nan the future scares me she
said" The only person who should be worrying about the future is the homeless man"
My mum tell me " Dont worry about not finding a job when there people on welfare that are doing nothing there is no rush to work
I want to scream " i am 23 mum i want my own income and my own place and independence "

They dont understand at all. Nobody wants to listen.

In the end purging became my best friend.

 

[sadgirl2002]

sadgirl2002
Feeling after purging is amazing . All the feelings of feeling like a failure are gone after purging. I can relax and feel relieved.
My thoart is sore especially when i shallow .

I do miss purging since I can't do it anymore. I remember I used to binge on cakes, biscuits and any foods I loved to eat and I could just get it all out afterwards. It gives a feeling of relief afterwards, I would throw up to the point of heart burn sometimes :(

 

[Uzera]

Oh dear, I'm sorry you're doing this but if it really makes you feel better, I think it somehow is helping.

In my case, my help is alcohol. It's the only thing which turns off my brain and brings only the happiness!

Then, hangover comes and ruins everything up!

you just gotta start drinking when you wake up in the morning bruh. always drunk=no hangover problem solv3d bruh. cant u like do maths?

 

[WornOutLife]

you just gotta start drinking when you wake up in the morning bruh. always drunk=no hangover problem solv3d bruh. cant u like do maths?

haha there's an argentinian song that suggests that but my belly won't allowe it I think.
I might try it, though! LOL

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

sorry you are going through this. i purge on occasion sometimes vomiting sometimes laxatives. sad thing is it doesn't even make a fucking difference in my weight. i only can feel ok if i am doing something self destructive

 

[restforeternity]

I just purged today too. Its seems as though it's becoming out of hand. Its a shitty cycle that I am hoping to break free from. Id go on a binge when I've been feeling empty and then guilt follows. The next thing I'll do is run to the toilet. The release feels great but I know that it's temporary. I have more control of myself when I much more active especially when it's much warmer out. I am very disappointed in myself.

 

[justpeachy]

I am sorry you are dealing with this but can you at the very least put a trigger warning? It feels like you are glorifying purging... and I can't be the only one in here that is in recovery from an eating disorder and it is super unhelpful to read this.... you aren't really asking for advice or anything just talking about how great purging makes you feel which I don't really see how it has a place here but that's up to the mods. If you could at least put a warning and trigger for ppl who are in recovery that would be appreciated.

 

[signifying nothing]

My binging/purging behaviour stopped when I started to talk with someone I could trust about things I had been keeping bottled inside of me for too long.

I see it now as like a part of me trying to tell myself - you are stuffed full of things you need to get out of you into the open, or something like that.