bedridden. i want to share my story.

[suicidalpushpop]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

 

[Sick of it all]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Parnate]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

I feel sad for you

 

[theboy]

Oh, so sad Dana
I hope you feel better soon
Hugs!

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

You sound like you're in a lot of pain. If you really want to go through with it, do what ever you need to. If you really want to live I think you can hold on. It's possible there may be hope. I'm not sure about the details of your condition, but it reminds me of a man who survived an axe to the head while out in Afghanistan. He suffered what a should have been lethal blow, and ended up with supposedly irreversible brain damage. But with the love from his wife and a ton of physio in 5 years he was mostly back to normal. His name was Charles Trevor Greene. The conditions may be different but I hope stories of people like him can help ease you. I hope you find you're solution, and I hope you'll be able to walk again some day. But if you want to CTB that's okay too.

 

[Sourdough]

If you miss socializing with people I'd be happy to chat with you over some sort of voice chat! It helps me a little bit socializing. That being said I'm still suicidal as fuck lol! Let me know and I can add you on Skype/phone/discord or whatever you like

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's really impossible for anyone not in your situation to understand what it must be like to be bedridden and in pain on a continuous basis. My heart goes out to you. Making the decision to ctb is a difficult one for anyone. I don't presume to know what anyone is thinking or feeling, but I suspect most of us here really don't want to die. We just reach a point in our lives where the reasons for living become non-existent, and the reasons for dying, profound. We all have our breaking points and arrive at them in different ways, through different means, and at different times. Let's face it, some people are just stronger than others. Whatever you decide you need to do has to be the right decision for you based on a multitude of factors. Only you can make that decision, and rightfully so. Give it the thoughtfulness it deserves, as it's probably the biggest decision anyone could ever make. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you reach a place of solace in that decision, knowing it was the best decision you could make for yourself considering the totality of your own unique circumstances. In the meantime, while you're contemplating what is best for you, know that this community is here for you in whatever way needed.

 

[eternal_life]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

I'm so sorry, Dana. I think that in this forum many members are the same in the sense that we do not want CTB, we are simply suffering living with our problems and we contemplate CTB as a way out, but nobody or almost nobody really wants to die, just to stop suffering.

You are a young person, although you have been fighting your disease for 7 years, but 26 almost 27 years is very young. If you have a strong desire to live, you can keep fighting, maybe when you least expect it, your health will improve, it appears some medicine that makes you feel better, etc. You don't have to CTB if you want to live, you never know what life may bring in the future.

I send you the biggest of the hugs, you are a very strong person.

 

[suicidalpushpop]

You sound like you're in a lot of pain. If you really want to go through with it, do what ever you need to. If you really want to live I think you can hold on. It's possible there may be hope. I'm not sure about the details of your condition, but it reminds me of a man who survived an axe to the head while out in Afghanistan. He suffered what a should have been lethal blow, and ended up with supposedly irreversible brain damage. But with the love from his wife and a ton of physio in 5 years he was mostly back to normal. His name was Charles Trevor Greene. The conditions may be different but I hope stories of people like him can help ease you. I hope you find you're solution, and I hope you'll be able to walk again some day. But if you want to CTB that's okay too.

i am in horrendous daily torment pain. there is no hope for me in this life. i have to go

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

i am in horrendous daily torment pain. there is no hope for me in this life. i have to go

It's okay, what ever choice you make is your own. If you no longer want to suffer that's okay. The choice is yours. You're still a good person either way.
Edit: It takes a lot of strength to get to where you are now as well. Don't forget that.

 

[freevoid]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

That's heartbreaking and I'm so sorry. I can relate. I have chronic health issues, not nearly as bad as you though, since my early teens. I too wanted to live and enjoy. All my efforts and treatments got me nowhere close to good mental or physical health. Exactly what you say, I don't want to CTB, I have to CTB. No hope left for change anymore.

Giving you the biggest hug. I hope all your pain goes away.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is horrifying how life can torture people in so many ways and cause such extreme amounts of suffering. It's why I believe existence itself to be a cruel mistake. The human body can be prison like so it's understandable desperately needing to escape. I wish you freedom.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Maybe I'm being too idealistic but i believe you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do. Please do your best to make sure whatever you're doing is right for you.

I get a name wouldn't be much to go on but do be aware that these posts are public, you don't need an account or anything to see them.

 

[Rational man]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

sorry to read your situation. It's hard and lonely being sick. The world's seems so detached. Even the medics seem to be in their own world.

 

[Sad_Sack]

my name is dana. i don't even use my name online.. but i trust the people here. i want to share my story and why i have to CTB to be free of being bedridden sick and in pain. when i was 19 i became home bound and i've been bedridden the last 7 years. i turn 27 soon which means i'll likely be in the 27 club. i have been very sick with a genetic disease and other ailments that have made getting out of bed impossible. i haven't seen the inside of a grocery store in 5 years. i lay alone in the dark secluded from the world. it's just me and my thoughts. what sucks is… i don't want to die. i desperately want to live. i cry and weep and sob over the life i've lost. i've tried numerous treatments and fought so hard but it's clear now that the only way out is to CTB. i don't want to. i HAVE to. fuck. thanks for reading

I'm so sorry you are suffering this way. Being trapped in an ill body is true torture. I can relate entirely. I feel the same way about not wanting to die but feeling there is no other choice. I hope you somehow have a breakthrough with your health and it turns around for you.