Becoming the world's biggest asshole to save my own life

[yellowraincoat225]

Well, at least the biggest asshole in my parents' lives. They gave me everything but also expected a lot from me, and I couldn't deliver. I've been lying to them about my grades in college, and they don't know I've been suspended. Going to college was the worst thing to happen to me.

I can't connect with anyone at my school and the loneliness ate me up, I also never developed the skills I needed to succeed in school, I never got diagnosed with adhd even though the signs should've been obvious since I was a kid. But these are all excuses, I gave up on my grades and tanked my gpa, I'm done for academically and I'm getting kicked out in 4 days. I already have my bottle of SN, I could die tonight or I could run away. I already have an apartment ready and hopefully a job lined up. All I have to do is make the move, cut off my parents, and my life is saved.

But I'll break my parents' hearts and I've wasted so much of their money. Hopefully the only money they've used on my college is the money they already had saved up in their tuition account. But I bet if they'd known I'd turn out like this, they wouldn't have saved for my college at all and could've spent that money on nicer vacations. Or they could've adopted another kid who wouldn't have turned out so rotten. I'm so sorry, I know if I never lied and just came clean to them, I wouldn't be in this mess, but there's no point in stewing in regrets, what happened happened, and now I either die or run away.

I don't know if I'm looking for validation or if I'm still looking for people to tell me not to do this, maybe you'll agree I'm an asshole and encourage me to come clean to my parents. But I'm sorry, I'm a coward and I'd rather disappear.

 

[needthebus]

So a few things...

This is not a great reason to kill yourself, and what I mean by that is many people flunk college, go get a job, and have a happy life after. Many successful people fail at things in life. Among many successful business people, they say "fail early and fail often" and the idea is you want to fuck up and fail when you are young and try lots of things so you get good fast. Perhaps you are not meant for college?

This situation is not the end of the world, you can get past this, please don't take SN for something like this.

You now need to look at the practical aspects of the situation. You said you are getting kicked out in 4 days. Can you take a medical leave of absence or withdraw from classes instead of getting kicked out? It's better, if possible, to just take a leave from school. Then, you just put on a resume you did some college, go to a technical school, and you have a career. If you can't do that, and are going to actually flunk out, that's okay too. Many people flunk out of college and still do well.

The truth is college is often boring unless you are interested in particular thing. ADHD brains are really bad at dealing with boring, or bad at dealing with stuff they don't find interesting. Lots of people with ADHD or ADD start companies or get jobs in things they like and do well.

I'm going to keep writing, but am posting this now... do not use SN over this. Please refresh the page if you want to read the rest, I'm adding to this post.

This next thing is, you need to figure out how you will deal with food and housing. You say you may have an apartment lined up and a job lined up. If you do, great, take that, no need to talk with your parents, problem solved. You can, in fact, run away. You can keep lying to them for another month, telling them you are in school. Lying is better than SN. You can tell them eventually, "Hey, I didn't want to talk about this before." These are all not reasons to take SN.

The bigger concern is if the job and apartment falls through. Clearly, you're upset. You have SN apparently and impulsively using it because your housing or job didn't come through is a risk, even though that's a bad idea. So you should be prepared to possibly speak with your parents about this if you need to rely on them for housing.

You should also call homeless shelters and tell them about your situation. You should call churches. You should call different organizations in your area. You have ADHD, so this is a hard task, so just spend 20 minutes calling homeless shelters and churches each day. Just 20 minutes, that's it. The reason you need to do this is so you can have that conversation with your parents more easily, and, if it goes poorly, you have a place to go until you find a job.

Many people have been briefly homeless. It's not a reason to die or freak out. You have hands that work, legs that work, eyes that work, you are in a much better position than many, many, many people.

I am in favor of you getting the job and apartment and running away, then telling your parents later if you feel cool with it, but this all sounds a little bit uncertain, so I just don't want SN to be your backup plan. Fs in college are not a good reason to ctb, sorry, they just aren't. People fail classes all the time, some people hate school, it's boring, and they go on to do great things and have nice lives. You're reacting to this out of emotion, which is okay, but please understand, everyone fails at things, it's normal, just start planning, reaching out to some people even if not your parents, you'll be okay even if it's rough for a bit.
So, I read your post again. My reading comprehension is bad.

When you say you get kicked out in 4 days, do you mean out of the school? Out of a dorm?

Right now, prioritize food, housing, and a job. Do you have these lined up?

Please forgive me if it sounded like I was disregarding your pain. I know you are upset about not doing well in school, but there are other things in life other than school. If you start working early, have low expenses, and save properly, you can do well.

There have been some comparisons of people who save early and don't go to school.

Here are some articles about how this is a common trend:

52 Statistics & Reasons Not to Go to College: 2024 Data & Analysis - Financesonline.com

In this article, we will delve into the statistics that will shed some light on why there are students who choose not to attend college at all, as well as those who did but did not graduate.

financesonline.com

Why more Americans are skipping college

Colleges nationwide saw undergraduate enrollments drop 8 percent from 2019 to 2022, with continued declines even after the return to in-person classes, according to data from the National Student Clearinghouse. Economists say the impact could be dire.

www.pbs.org

5 Signs College May Be a Bad Financial Decision

Read this before you rack up educational debt.

www.gobankingrates.com

What College Should You Go To? Avoiding the Traps of Higher Education

In this episode of the Borrowed Future podcast, you’ll hear from thought leaders like Mike Rowe, Dave Ramsey, Mark Cuban, Seth Godin, Rachel Cruze, Anthony ONeal and more on how college FOMO is real—and dangerous.

www.ramseysolutions.com

Just make sure to try to figure out the practical aspects of housing and food and the job and apartment. If you can get that taken care of, you're good, This should be okay. I would not be concerned about being an asshole. Lying doesn't make you an asshole... or even running away. Your parents hopefully just want you to be happy.

You can also work for a while and complete your degree later at a different school or the same school if you want.


Well, i hope you are okay and that this post didn't make you feel worse.

 

[OTanerd]

I don't really know if it's specifically allowed in this "suicide discussion" forum to talk about not ending your life, but as the response above mentions, I don't think this is a situation to take your own life. In fact, many situations shared in this forum don't seem to warrant suicide. It's just that we sink into depression and don't want to see a way out—we prefer to stay where we are. You still have many opportunities for improvement.

I understand that you might feel guilty about your parents, and I don't know what your relationship with them is like, but if they love you, believe me, the last thing they would want is for you to disappear or take your own life.

I have a friend who also failed all his classes and got kicked out of university. According to him, he has a terrible relationship with his parents (who, by the way, are divorced), but what they did was get him into therapy with a psychiatrist, support him, and even encourage him to exercise. Believe me, many times our parents would give everything for us, even if we don't see it that way (though, of course, this may not be the case for everyone).

I really recommend that you think twice about your situation and do what you consider to be the most sensible choice. I wish you the best.

 

[identity0]

> maybe you'll agree I'm an asshole and encourage me to come clean to my parents

I don't think you're an asshole at all. You're being too hard on yourself. I think you're catastrophizing and see your situation as much worse than it really is. A lot of people dont make it through college and it's not their fault and doesnt doom their life. I think that college isnt nearly as important as you think and that's what you need to realise. Spending money on college is always a gamble. I dont know what your parents are like; most likely if you come clean then they will support you, so i do think that is probably the best course of action. If I were a parent I am sure that I would forgive you easily (or not even see anything to forgive) and just want to do my best to make you feel better.

 

[tyopeak]

I'd make sure you take your time to figure out whats actually happening in your life. Its easy to panic about what could happen and assume its all over, but reality is almost never as bad as your brain makes it out to be. Just take a little bit of time to think about what you actually want to do. I'm guessing first thing is preparing to move into your apartment. That's it for now. Don't overwhelm yourself, that's how you get into a bad spot. Then see if you can get this job. If not, can you get another job? Even something temporary while you find something you're more keen on. After that, then you can worry about if you want to tell your parents or not. I'm currently failing my course and I was lying to my parents and friends about how I was doing, but I realised if I didn't do anything different then I would just CTB. I told my parents. I cried when I told them even though I didn't go into details because it was bottled up from years of not telling anyone. Even if your parents aren't the most supportive people when it comes to this stuff, they almost certainly want to see you happy and succeed in life.

Make sure you try to think about what you actually want. Do you just want to spare your parents the pain of knowing you're stuggling? Because I can assure you that they will be much more heartbroken if you end your life. Ending your life should be your final solution. When it can't get any better. But to me at least, I think it can get better. You don't even need to come clean to your parents if you don't want to. Obviously lying is going to make things more mentally straining, but if you can't then you can't.

Ultimatly its your choice. You could just escape all this and not have to deal with it. But from the sounds of it, its not over yet. Focus on what you can do right now to improve.

 

[CatLvr]

You are not an asshole. You are a kid who did what he thought was the right thing, got in over his head and now is in a pickle.

Let me tell you a story.

I have a 2-year degree. I tried 3 more times to get my BA but flunked out every time. I spent my early 20s sleeping around and drinking. Accidentally wound up pregnant. Who knew I was one of the 4% that the Pill fails??

So, now I am a single mom working 2 jobs. Met a decent fella and got married. Now things will go like they are supposed to and I can relax and be happy, right?? Sigh. No. Not even a little bit. 2 more babies in 13 months BUT that wasn't the problem. Problem was he was a raging alcoholic. (Love is truly blind, and I am basically just an idiot.) Doctors thought I had cancer with my 3rd pregnancy. Husband up and left. Job fired me. (There weren't the same protections in place that their are now.)

Wound up back at my parents with 2 babies and 1 on the way. I never heard the end of if I had just been a better wife none of this would have happened to me.

No cancer, but it took me a couple of years but I finally got out of that mess. Now I am raising 3 babies and working 2 and 3 jobs at a time because no child support and no help from anywhere. This goes on until all the babies are teenagers and about to get out on there own. I got a REALLY good job in my field and was able to get by with one job for the first time in my life. Bought my house. FINALLY got to take a breath after close to 20 years of being "this" close to winding up homeless with 3 kids, living in a 2-door car.

I never did get a chance to finish school. My parents never failed to tell me what a failure I was every chance they got. They saw what I didn't do, not what I did accomplish.

I am very much pro-choice but I feel compelled to ask you to NOT be hasty. Talk to your parents. Apologize and tell them you are sorry because you know how much they wanted THAT dream for you. Move into your apartment, go to work and live your life for you.

What I have learned is we rarely get what we think we want and if we do get it often we find it wasn't what we really wanted anyway. I never wanted to be a mother. I love each of my kids more than life itself. Those babies saved me.

I would have NEVER guessed I would wind up accomplished in the field I wound up in. It was a complete accident -- a handy job because I didn't care WHERE I worked as long as I DID work.

Nobody ever thought my kids would turn out fine. All I heard was how they were gonna be failures because I was a single mom. They have their problems (don't we all) but they are decent people. Who thought I would ever actually own a house?? Not me. Or anybody else. Until I did.

You got this. This is just a bump is a REALLY long road we all travel. Hang in there. You got this. Really.