Venting Becoming more hateful (anti-natalist rant.)

[Forever Sleep]

Is anyone else experiencing this? I think I used to be so much more empathetic/ sympathetic towards people. My resentment has grown specifically in terms of anti-natilism though. My Dad continually complains about something or other. Health problems, never ending domestic chores, formerly his job, friends dying etc.

I suppose on a level, I still feel bad for him but, there's always this bitter aftertaste there now- as in- sure- life's shit and unfair. And you've inflicted all of that on me! Do you really expect very sincere sympathy when I am and likely will go through all what you are and, it was your choice to do that to me?

Why would you do that to someone and then think it's ok to complain about it to them? Life isn't passive for humans. It doesn't just materialise. Two people made the decision to create it. It's like them being smashed on the head with a sledge hammer then, smashing the hammer on our heads and then whining about how much it hurts. Sure- you must have worked out how much it hurts so, why then inflict that on us?

I just wish I'd died already, back when I found it easier to be pleasant. I try not to express all this resentment openly but, it's starting to leak out here and there. Especially when I receive criticism. I'm really not that willing to hear criticism on how I'm effectively failing in life when I don't want that life to begin with!

 

[nobeertonight]

Is anyone else experiencing this? I think I used to be so much more empathetic/ sympathetic towards people. My resentment has grown specifically in terms of anti-natilism though. My Dad continually complains about something or other. Health problems, never ending domestic chores, formerly his job, friends dying etc.

I suppose on a level, I still feel bad for him but, there's always this bitter aftertaste there now- as in- sure- life's shit and unfair. And you've inflicted all of that on me! Do you really expect very sincere sympathy when I am and likely will go through all what you are and, it was your choice to do that to me?

Why would you do that to someone and then think it's ok to complain about it to them? Life isn't passive for humans. It doesn't just materialise. Two people made the decision to create it. It's like them being smashed on the head with a sledge hammer then, smashing the hammer on our heads and then whining about how much it hurts. Sure- you must have worked out how much it hurts so, why then inflict that on us?

I just wish I'd died already, back when I found it easier to be pleasant. I try not to express all this resentment openly but, it's starting to leak out here and there. Especially when I receive criticism. I'm really not that willing to hear criticism on how I'm effectively failing in life when I don't want that life to begin with!

Through the years I became progressively more apathetic and bitter, I'm not anti-natalism at all but I am bitter and resentful towards others. I don't think there's a real reason, I've been lucky in my life, I have a very good job and could get money very early, still I'm envious because I never really had much choices in my life, think I'd prefer being poor and jobless but more able to express myself. I did have some serious mental and familiar issues though and I feel resentful that no one was there when I craved help.

In the end the world can turn you bad, it's somewhat a deal between you and the universe. I think being like this made me better as a person, less naive and stuff, but I still miss being able to feel deeply and connect with others.

You can't expect the pain you keep inside of you to stay there forever, eventually it turns you, it's always a battle with yourself though, and there's choices you make, sometimes you let it slide and sometimes you keep your ground.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Scythe]

Yeah, same here, I used to be just passively uncaring towards people. I didn't care about all the depressing news because I didn't feel accepted by general society so I saw no reason to care if bad things happened. But I wouldn't want them to suffer either because I don't even know them and they don't matter.
Then there was a horrible half year and I came out of it to be in a better place but now all the negativity built up and changed me.
Not in a way I care either, which I gets that makes it worse? Cause like if I really want to, I can go back to the state I was before. But I felt abandoned and still do, so now instead of simply not caring I want people to look into despair as I did.

PS.yeah life got better for me hooray whatever, it wasn't and isn't fucking worth it.

 

[quietwoods]

Is anyone else experiencing this? I think I used to be so much more empathetic/ sympathetic towards people. My resentment has grown specifically in terms of anti-natilism though. My Dad continually complains about something or other. Health problems, never ending domestic chores, formerly his job, friends dying etc.

I suppose on a level, I still feel bad for him but, there's always this bitter aftertaste there now- as in- sure- life's shit and unfair. And you've inflicted all of that on me! Do you really expect very sincere sympathy when I am and likely will go through all what you are and, it was your choice to do that to me?

Why would you do that to someone and then think it's ok to complain about it to them? Life isn't passive for humans. It doesn't just materialise. Two people made the decision to create it. It's like them being smashed on the head with a sledge hammer then, smashing the hammer on our heads and then whining about how much it hurts. Sure- you must have worked out how much it hurts so, why then inflict that on us?

I just wish I'd died already, back when I found it easier to be pleasant. I try not to express all this resentment openly but, it's starting to leak out here and there. Especially when I receive criticism. I'm really not that willing to hear criticism on how I'm effectively failing in life when I don't want that life to begin with!

Society at large likes to think that empathy is a "choice" and that some people are therefore better people because they choose to be empathetic.

The reality is empathy is an automatic biological process, some people have better automatic equipment than others. There's a reason why, on average, the maternal bond is one of the strongest bonds in nature. The amount of processes that go on in a mother's body and mind to essentially force the mother to feel empathy for her child is insane if you've ever looked into it.

Not to say you can't choose to be empathetic, it just takes effort. For those without good automatic equipment, it takes a lot more effort, and can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

I feel similar to what you feel, and largely believe it is the mind protecting itself from burnout. You can only watch so many instances of people:

- Sleepwalking into the same problems over and over again and not noticing or making any changes to improve.
- Knowingly making the same problems and willfully refusing to improve.
- Abusing or treating you poorly, refusing or choosing not to acknowledge it, then coming to you for support.
- Using you for empathy but giving little in return.
- Ignoring or downplaying your issues.

It's natural at some point to withdraw.