Venting Becoming addicted to alcohol

[ThanatopicFugue]

I think alcohol is pretty much the only thing keeping me sane right now. I've been drinking on an almost daily basis for awhile now, and without it I feel awful every night. I even started lying to my friends and family about how much I drink.
Im usually a lot happier when I'm drunk, but all my friends are offline right now, so it's actually really bad right now despite me usually being very giddy when I'm drink. I think if I had a readily accessible way to end my life right now I'd probably do it impulsively tonight.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I've been on that boat. It took me going a bit too far to stop it. It's hard to say what to do because even for me, at the time, I can't see what other option I could have taken.
I only stopped afterwards due to fear of badly hurting my body.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

In a similar boat. But for me I would say drinking does not make me happy. Its just numbing. And makes it a lot easier to pretend I'm happy. When I'm drinking (which is basically every day now) I turn into a clown. Like its clearly an act. As soon as I'm alone I am usually in tears. I want to stop relying on alcohol but I don't want to have to face that my life is a dead end and that I have to be the person that I am. Which is a garbage person. With too much baggage and no redeeming qualities. So I just get drunk and deny reality for a few hours until I'm buzzed enough to cry myself to sleep. Its a terrible cycle. But at the same time like I said I don't want to be sober because then I have to accept that this is my life and this is who I am and its mainly my fault. So. Shots lol. I hate myself. I don't ever see the possibility of digging myself out of this hole