Venting Barely holding on, might as well go without saying any goodbyes

[the_path_of_sorrows]

On my way to the gym had an accident that made me feel dumb to the extent of wanting to hang myself right in the woods nearby. Been sobbing my eyes out before working out, then had been trying to hold the tears back during the 2 hour workout session while daydreaming abt ctb with gym equipment and right after that I can't even control myself anymore.

Straight up praying even when not a believer myself.

I'm trying to hold on for others but it seems like someday my decision will not be based on the exact date that I've decided on 7 years ago. I can barely control the insane urge since I've got all the needed info for full suspension and I've had 7 years to get comfortable with the idea of ctb.

Oh gods, be merciful.

 

[fleetingnight]

I understand you. Acting impulsively feels so much easier than being patient. It's probably worth the wait for the sake of preparing, but that's easiuer said than done. I'm sorry you're suffering so much

 

[letmyheartcollapse]

I understand how you feel. Its CTB is probably worth the way especially so you can prepare yourself for everything, but I understand it's easier to type out here than to actually practice this. But I truly feel sorry that you're suffering so much