Venting Barely functional

[mertvets]

First time poster here..

It is amazing how destructive work, specifically 9-5 has been to me. I was diagnosed with dysthymia years beforehand but it was at least bearable being younger, occasional thoughts to ctb. Therapy and medication have done nothing for me except waste money. I have nobody else to talk to.

For years now, there's just been so much pressure building up on me every single day that I can't relieve, to the point where pretty much every night I'm seriously considering just hopping in my car, driving out to the woods and ctb by firearm. Currently I've been chainsmoking continuously trying to keep myself calm but I just can't. It's unbearable.

I'm constantly sick and struggle with basic activities... everything hurts, I always feel like shit. Quitting work is not an option for at least 10 months from now, but even then, what's next? I'm just barely scraping by. I'm imprisoned. I want out.

I'm sorry for my confused venting, I just had to get it off my chest...

 

[Foreverix]

Not confused at all. I think a lot of us feel like caged animals looking for a way out. You're not alone.

And welcome to the forum.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering existing brings, it must be tiring what you have to go through. But anyway best wishes.