... bad omen?

[ctbcat]

... so i got really sick these past two days. this is extremely rare for me - the last time i projectile puked the same way, i literally overdosed, and that was two years ago...

my suicide date is only in just over a week.

i was thinking about how elliot rodger delayed his 'day of retribution' due to a bad cold he got, by a month. i wondered about superstition like that... i'm probably still going to try to ctb anyways - this is only a bug, it should be gone before i have to carry out all the prep. but... ah, it doesn't make anything feel more certain. i thought i'd finally be able to cut things short.

i don't like elliot rodger, duh. i'm just a bit of a true crime fanatic's all (due to autism) so i got reminded of that fact of the case.

everything seems to be going wrong... you could be superstitious, say that means maybe i need to live, et cetera, but i'm so... tired, so hopeless, so everything, and none of these feelings are new. i just want to die. i just want to pass on, not have to deal with all the lifely worries i have, be a spirit or nothing at all. i need to go. i want to cry.

 

[Worndown]

Welcome to the stomach flu. It is going around.

 

[kotonearisato]

Ugh, I'm sorry. This time of year is really the worst for so many reasons, but especially the bugs that go around. Do what feels best for you. I hope you get over the flu soon.