i can empathize with that. I think the possessive spirit of alcohol gives that predatory vibe that you can pick on even if you dont know what sex is. It is like molestation when you are too young to know what it is but it feels instinctively wrong.
sometimes I wonder if the fear is enough to confide to a mental health professional or to call the cops.
when I was a teen, I litterally didn't sleep at night most a lot of nights because I was terrified. I'd lock myself up and have panic attacks after panic attacks.
many times, I have wanted to tell someone but I also felt like it was wrong because he never actually sexually assaulted or molested me. I think my fear and high state of alertness protected me. he did physically assault me multiple times while drunk and used to beat me up and sometimes tried to kill me while drunk, but it felt like he was doing that to take out his sexual frustration in that way so I never called the cops on him for that. I was rather grateful that at least, he didn't do anything sexual. I'd rather get murdered than raped honestly.
picking the wrong post secondary education and career.
I'm in the same boat. what did you pick?
I pick communication & marketing and I feel like it was a waste of time. but I feel like I should've been more disciplined during my college years instead of watching anime and reading manga all day
