Venting Bad dream about self harm

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

Last night i had yet another self harm related nightmare. I dreamed i was sitting next to my best friend on a bench, wearing basketball shorts, and suddenly my shorts were pulled up, exposing all the cuts on my leg. I tried to pull them down and hide em but my friend saw and started yelling at me, saying he wasnt gonna let me eat until i stopped self harming. He then ran away and i sat there crying on the bench. Then i dreamed i had texted pictures of my cut up legs to an ex friend of mine who i havent talked to since last year and used to self harm. She responded that she hated me and i felt like shit for doing something so fucked up. Then i woke up, sorta shaking, and just tried to fall back asleep. I usually don't have dreams with a recurring theme, but my self harm being revealed keeps popping back up and i hate it. I'd be terrified if anyone i knew found out, it's a shitty coping mechanism i know but i don't want to lose it.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi, it's a really big secret to carry round with you I know. I still have scars from over twenty years ago that I hide and would never want a soul to see.

You've hit the nail on the head: it's a coping mechanism. Its not your fault that life has brought you to this way of coping, its circumstances. If your friends saw your scars and thought less of you then they are the ones who have far bigger flaws than you do xx

If you can try and give yourself five minutes by the clock next time you want to harm them reward yourself with something - some people say that helps. I don't know! Or draw the hell over your arms / legs with marker. I know it's not the same. Cutting releases endorphins which help us feel better - and God knows we need that when we feel rubbish sometimes.

Sending you a hug xx

 

[21Neberg]

First off, I've been wanting to tell you that your username is hilarious for quite a while now.

Second, your post is quite relatable. I'm a regular self harmer too - and I know exactly what you're going through. I know the struggle, and it's very hard, in my opinion nearly impossible to stop. So don't blame yourself when you do cut again - I know how good it feels.

But how do you do with these dreams? That's quite hard. Personally, I like to force myself to calm down and think about other things. Whether that's a game I've played that day or a show I've watched, anything but the anxieties.

If that doesn't work, I usually listen to some music. That always calms me down, no matter what.

 

[JustAboutDone]

If that doesn't work, I usually listen to some music. That always calms me down, no matter what.

Totally agree :-) music always reaches me no matter where my head is at

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Last night i had yet another self harm related nightmare. I dreamed i was sitting next to my best friend on a bench, wearing basketball shorts, and suddenly my shorts were pulled up, exposing all the cuts on my leg. I tried to pull them down and hide em but my friend saw and started yelling at me, saying he wasnt gonna let me eat until i stopped self harming. He then ran away and i sat there crying on the bench. Then i dreamed i had texted pictures of my cut up legs to an ex friend of mine who i havent talked to since last year and used to self harm. She responded that she hated me and i felt like shit for doing something so fucked up. Then i woke up, sorta shaking, and just tried to fall back asleep. I usually don't have dreams with a recurring theme, but my self harm being revealed keeps popping back up and i hate it. I'd be terrified if anyone i knew found out, it's a shitty coping mechanism i know but i don't want to lose it.

My last lucid deju vu nightmare was I was somewhere outside somewhere dark or maybe inside where I took the whole pill s of reasoned that I currently have in my container and haven't taken any since I use it sparingly kind of scary because I woke up right after I didn't swallow all the pills but what I did was spit them out I don't believe I can foresee the future but I just hope this isn't a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

Hi, it's a really big secret to carry round with you I know. I still have scars from over twenty years ago that I hide and would never want a soul to see.

You've hit the nail on the head: it's a coping mechanism. Its not your fault that life has brought you to this way of coping, its circumstances. If your friends saw your scars and thought less of you then they are the ones who have far bigger flaws than you do xx

If you can try and give yourself five minutes by the clock next time you want to harm them reward yourself with something - some people say that helps. I don't know! Or draw the hell over your arms / legs with marker. I know it's not the same. Cutting releases endorphins which help us feel better - and God knows we need that when we feel rubbish sometimes.

Sending you a hug xx

Thank you, it's really nice to hear support from people who understand what it's like to self harm

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

First off, I've been wanting to tell you that your username is hilarious for quite a while now.

Second, your post is quite relatable. I'm a regular self harmer too - and I know exactly what you're going through. I know the struggle, and it's very hard, in my opinion nearly impossible to stop. So don't blame yourself when you do cut again - I know how good it feels.

But how do you do with these dreams? That's quite hard. Personally, I like to force myself to calm down and think about other things. Whether that's a game I've played that day or a show I've watched, anything but the anxieties.

If that doesn't work, I usually listen to some music. That always calms me down, no matter what.

Thanks, I stole it from a song by anthem2k lol. The dreams bother me for a bit right after I have em, but it's more of an unsettling feeling that dissipates on its own. I've had friends that constantly have nightmares related to their depression and fucks em up hard, I couldn't imagine what that's like and I'm glad mine aren't as traumatizing. Thanks for responding, means a lot for people to understand what I'm going through instead of it being stuck in my head all the time

 

[Dor]

I haven't self harmed in 10 years but my legs are full of scars, so is my left arm, I actually don't care much about showing them and people don't really care either, been asked a few times about it and I just said I used to self harm and that was the end of it. I've recently been feeling like doing it again but why break a 10 year long streak, feels silly

But I do think people are generally accepting of old scars, active scars I do not think they will be, they'll try to get you help.