Venting Bad childhood memories

[Smilla]

I remember when my ex-stepfather (Mom remarried after my Dad died when I was four and this man was my Dad until I was 9/10 when they divorced and I never saw him or my stepsister again).

During the marriage his beloved dog Gindy died of old age—she was a magnificent black lab and whenever I had nightmares I would join her in sleep under the coffee table where she slept. I loved her.

After she died I remember my stepfather sobbing hysterically in the garage and my Mother commenting "Jesus Christ, its "just a dog".

Does anyone else want to vent about bad childhood memories? This is just one of many.

 

[JustAboutDone]

"Just a dog"

:-( :-( :-(

 

[Smilla]

"Just a dog"

:-( :-( :-(

Burned in my brain. My Mother was not a nice lady...

 

[JustAboutDone]

Being 7 and watching my sister who was 18 months older cowering in the corner of the bedroom as my father beat her for some nefarious misdemeanour such as not putting her school uniform away. I was paralysed between wanted to beg him to stop and being terrified he's start hitting me so I just shut my eyes as tight as I could and listened to her scream. To this day I wish I'd stopped him even if it meant he'd hurt me instead.

 

[Smilla]

It was also fucked up that I lost my stepsister and was forced to take sides during the divorce, as a 9 year old. Who does this to a child?

My Stepdad, while a flawed man—alcoholic on weekends—was incredibly kind to me, and I adored my sister. She visited every other weekend and we always had a great time together.

I lost her too. This was so fucked up on so many levels...

 

[Smilla]

Being 7 and watching my sister who was 18 months older cowering in the corner of the bedroom as my father beat her for some nefarious misdemeanour such as not putting her school uniform away. I was paralysed between wanted to beg him to stop and being terrified he's start hitting me so I just shut my eyes as tight as I could and listened to her scream. To this day I wish I'd stopped him even if it meant he'd hurt me instead.

And they wonder how we are suicidal...

This is so horrible...I am so sorry.

No words, just hugs.

 

[JustAboutDone]

It was also fucked up that I lost my stepsister and was forced to take sides during the divorce, as a 9 year old. Who does this to a child?

My Stepdad, while a flawed man—alcoholic on weekends—was incredibly kind to me, and I adored my sister. She visited every other weekend and we always had a great time together.

I lost her too. This was so fucked up on so many levels...

That was so wrong to rob you of your sister. I don't know why 'adults' have to be so vindictive towards children.

 

[Final Escape]

Being 7 and watching my sister who was 18 months older cowering in the corner of the bedroom as my father beat her for some nefarious misdemeanour such as not putting her school uniform away. I was paralysed between wanted to beg him to stop and being terrified he's start hitting me so I just shut my eyes as tight as I could and listened to her scream. To this day I wish I'd stopped him even if it meant he'd hurt me instead.

Poor girl, dad was a real bully it sounds like.

 

[JustAboutDone]

And they wonder how we are suicidal...

This is so horrible...I am so sorry.

No words, just hugs.

Right back at you ''Twas a regular occurrence.. mother was worse in that being beaten was easier than her emotional blackmail and manipulation! But through them I learned how not to be - so I guess that's something :-)

 

[Final Escape]

My mother called me a whore when I was about 10 or 11. She was mad at me for something and screamed this. I remember I had trouble with homework and she would lose her patience and scream insults and right in my face as I cried. She often insulted my intelligence and I believed her. I totally acted dumb for a long time. There's so many of these for me :("

 

[Firecaste]

=( *hugs all round*

 

[Smilla]

Another piece of worldly wisdom my Mother bestowed on me:

"find a man who loves you more than you love them".

"Your father loved me more than I loved him".

Who says things like this to a child who lost her father, or ever? Who believes this nonsense?

Then I was told that my father was having an affair with one of his students (possibly), and I wonder why? Geez.

The truth hurts.

 

[Smilla]

My mother called me a whore when I was about 10 or 11. She was mad at me for something and screamed this. I remember I had trouble with homework and she would lose her patience and scream insults and right in my face as I cried. She often insulted my intelligence and I believed her. I totally acted dumb for a long time. There's so many of these for me :("

This is horrible, Final. You aren't a whore.

You don't owe your Mother anything if she is still alive and breathing—be assured of that.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Poor girl, dad was a real bully it sounds like.

He was just an angry man who believed in severe punishment for minor deviations from the rules. Very Victorian.

 

[15dec]

On Boxing Day when I was 3 my dad got in a mood about something, hit my mum, punched a hole through the kitchen door and stormed out. I remember sitting on the stairs with my arm around her trying to tell her it was okay when we waited for the police to come, just for them to give my dad a warning that if he did it again in the next seven years they'd arrest him, so surprise surprise he waited seven years till he hit her again.

More recently I've had a lot of interrogations about my mental state -most of the time in this accusatory tone like I've done something wrong or like there's a right or wrong answer and they'll be mad if I say something wrong. Because I'm trying to buy my own phone contract both my parents are telling me I'll lose my job soon and won't be able to afford it -no doubt so I'll carry on being dependent on them. I know they're just trying to scare me out of it but it hurts anyway.

 

[ReadyasEver]

I was leaving school as an 8th grader, and came around the corner to walk home. I saw both my 6th grade brothers crying picking up their books. Bloody nose on one, big welt on the cheek of the other. I heard the other boys down the block laughing, " you'll never be anything, go back to the projects." I tore after them and they stayed there waiting for me. I went crazy.
I came home, my hands all cut and covered with blood. I beat them up real bad. The police came by the house. I had to go with my dad. After it was all over, I did not have to go juvenile hall. They saw the evidence on brothers.
I realized then that as many instances in life you can find kindness, compassion, and goodness in people, you also find cruelty, harshness, and evil.
I never apologized for what I did and was labeled a "dangerous" person in school. I grew up as an adult never living up to the "dangerous" label.

 

[Smilla]

He was just an angry man who believed in severe punishment for minor deviations from the rules. Very Victorian.

I recall my Mom telling me a story about her grandmom from Ireland who helped raise her.

So every summer the kids would get new shoes/sneakers.

My Mom complained after the fact that her shoes were too tight. Grandma cut a hole in the shoe and said "that will teach you next time"

My Mom spent the whole summer with her big toe sticking out of the shoe...

Victorian.

 

[Smilla]

I was leaving school as an 8th grader, and came around the corner to walk home. I saw both my 6th grade brothers crying picking up their books. Bloody nose on one, big welt on the cheek of the other. I heard the other boys down the block laughing, " you'll never be anything, go back to the projects." I tore after them and they stayed there waiting for me. I went crazy.
I came home, my hands all cut and covered with blood. I beat them up real bad. The police came by the house. I had to go with my dad. After it was all over, I did not have to go juvenile hall. They saw the evidence on brothers.
I realized then that as many instances in life you can find kindness, compassion, and goodness in people, you also find cruelty, harshness, and evil.
I never apologized for what I did and was labeled a "dangerous" person in school. I grew up as an adult never living up to the "dangerous" label.

Not only are you not a dangerous person but you did the right thing imo.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Thank you Smilla, my brothers grew up too and both turned out to be good, decent men. They used to look up to me, now I look up to them. I'd take a bullet for them in an instant and I know they will do everything in their power to look after my family.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

There was lots of abuse in my household when I was a kid in the 80's. My father was a raging drunk and often out of control. He would beat my mother in more or less plain sight. She escaped with us kids whenever she could, and we often stayed in hostels/shelters throughout London. I remember having to take ice cold baths because they didn't have any hot water. Later on my parents reconciled and my dad stopped drinking, but I was always scared at the time.

 

[Final Escape]

This is horrible, Final. You aren't a whore.

You don't owe your Mother anything if she is still alive and breathing—be assured of that.

Actually I did end up becoming a whore because of the sexual abuse by this guy who my mom was with for a like a year and a half. Around the age this happened is when she also called me a whore. It's like I ended up what she called me. I started becoming promiscuous starting by age 16. It's just so crazy how the effects of what happens to u can really alter who u might otherwise become. I was extremely confused in my youth and I sure didn't find the help from a mental health provider lol! I had to learn a lot from YouTube :) about what went so wrong for me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Also, my aunt was murdered when I was 3 years old. I was too young to know what was up, but I remember my mother bawling her eyes out night after night. I was always told she had died in a car crash, but I later learned she was a sex worker and had died in the most awful way imaginable as the victim of an unsolved murder. Her parents (my grandparents) were such snobbish, stingy pieces of shit that they didn't even bother to maintain her grave, citing some nonsense like "it was her own doing and why should we waste our money" etc. I got a tattoo some years ago, to commemorate her. To this day I feel sorry for (and protective of) sex workers.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Also, my aunt was murdered when I was 3 years old. I was too young to know what was up, but I remember my mother bawling her eyes out night after night. I was always told she had died in a car crash, but I later learned she was a sex worker and had died in the most awful way imaginable as the victim of an unsolved murder. Her parents (my grandparents) were such snobbish, stingy pieces of shit that they didn't even bother to maintain her grave, citing some nonsense like "it was her own doing and why should we waste our money" etc. I got a tattoo some years ago, to commemorate her. To this day I feel sorry for (and protective of) sex workers.

I'm so sorry, CB, that's heartbreaking. Snobbery is a very unattractive thing. Your aunt was worth far more than she was given. X

 

[Final Escape]

Also, my aunt was murdered when I was 3 years old. I was too young to know what was up, but I remember my mother bawling her eyes out night after night. I was always told she had died in a car crash, but I later learned she was a sex worker and had died in the most awful way imaginable as the victim of an unsolved murder. Her parents (my grandparents) were such snobbish, stingy pieces of shit that they didn't even bother to maintain her grave, citing some nonsense like "it was her own doing and why should we waste our money" etc. I got a tattoo some years ago, to commemorate her. To this day I feel sorry for (and protective of) sex workers.

That's terrible, that they punished her so badly. Most if not all women who become sex workers were molested or raped as children. Makes u wonder what happened with her while she was young. Did the father, someone in family, or family friend abuse her? Incest is more rare than an unrelated person. Some people don't remember the abuse because u were too young, but the body remembers. Your implicit memory does remember even if u have no recall of the actual event.

 

[SLN1096]

Seeing my parents fighting. Seeing my mom have breakdowns when my dad left. I've blocked a lot out

 

[JustAboutDone]

I don't know how to click "like" on this post...wish there was an "empathize" button instead. I am so sorry you had to suffer that. Jesus.

Thank you, that was a kind thing to say x

 

[Smilla]

On Boxing Day when I was 3 my dad got in a mood about something, hit my mum, punched a hole through the kitchen door and stormed out. I remember sitting on the stairs with my arm around her trying to tell her it was okay when we waited for the police to come, just for them to give my dad a warning that if he did it again in the next seven years they'd arrest him, so surprise surprise he waited seven years till he hit her again.

More recently I've had a lot of interrogations about my mental state -most of the time in this accusatory tone like I've done something wrong or like there's a right or wrong answer and they'll be mad if I say something wrong. Because I'm trying to buy my own phone contract both my parents are telling me I'll lose my job soon and won't be able to afford it -no doubt so I'll carry on being dependent on them. I know they're just trying to scare me out of it but it hurts anyway.

Actually I did end up becoming a whore because of the sexual abuse by this guy who my mom was with for a like a year and a half. Around the age this happened is when she also called me a whore. It's like I ended up what she called me. I started becoming promiscuous starting by age 16. It's just so crazy how the effects of what happens to u can really alter who u might otherwise become. I was extremely confused in my youth and I sure didn't find the help from a mental health provider lol! I had to learn a lot from YouTube :) about what went so wrong for me.

I became a whore too. But we should do away with that term.

 

[Final Escape]

I don't know how to click "like" on these posts...wish there was an empathize/support/acknowledge button instead. I am so sorry you had to suffer that. Jesus.

Right, we don't like it. It's more like I acknowledge your ordeal and how terrible it was.

 

[Final Escape]

I became a whore too. But we should do away with that term.

Right it's a very brutal term. Like who came up with that lol! Jeez!

 

[Johnnythefox]

I've had many a doing from the father, when I was maybe ten he pulled my pants down, put me over his knee and beat me with a leather strap about four inches wide. I had been caught stealing sweets from a shop.
Many a time he would bang our heads together, give us back handed slaps on the face etc.
When the fucker died I pissed all over his hat a few times, no one knew except one of my brothers. It was on top of his coffin when they wheeled it into the crematorium, me and my brother laughed, the funeral service was quite funny as my oldest brother did the speech. His finishing words were "to quote that great Hollywood icon, Buzz Light Year, to infinity and beyond"

I wish I had a copy of that speech as it's comedy gold.