Discussion Backing yourself into a corner?

[zengiraffe]

My life is so-so at the moment. I don't have anything that is strongly pushing me to CTB right now. However, I know that if I wait long enough that thing will inevitably come, and I dread it coming. I don't like unpleasant surprises. I would like to have more control over my end. I often think about quitting my job, and then donating 90% of my savings to charity, so that I only have enough money to live for a few months, and then I would have to CTB or face homelessness. I'm certain if it came down to that I would CTB.

Anyone else ever thought of doing that? Or is currently in the process of doing it? How's it going for you? Regret your decision at all?

 

[Nikitatos]

Your lucky to have money to be able to donate to charity. The deep state took all my money and crushed my ability to make more.

 

[tsykoais]

like self sabotage? if so sometimes i think fuck it i should just spend all my money right now on stuff i want because i won't be here longer. i also think about cutting everyone in my life off but i have absolutely no friends and i'm usually ignored by the people i know and people in general so it doesn't make a difference at all.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Nah man you won't be better off by having a worse life and it may well do nothing to curb your survival instincts. In fact, the more of your life is consumed by basic survival the less time you will have to make a decent CTB plan and see it through. People talk about becoming homeless intentionally to push them over the last step...but now your CTB options are dog shit, you can't get a hotel, you won't be able to get a good night's sleep etc. There's no point on intentionally having a shittier life than the one that already makes you want to die.

 

[zengiraffe]

@dolemitedrums Yeah, I hear ya. In my case I have already secured my method. I can CTB any time, and my method has a 99% success rate. I could've CTB'd any day during the past 1.5 years. I just haven't been able to find the courage and willpower to overcome my SI yet.