Backed out

[NotOkay_]

Hey, I’m still here because my anxiety bulit up so much I’ve been procrastinating. But it’s still no longer a choice (CTB). My symptoms are still getting worse. I can’t deal with anything I’m in so much pain, at this point I’m going to CTB out of desperation because ALL OF THIS is tooo much. Can’t talk to my loved ones, I’m stuck. I fucking hate this, i hate everything. :( I just wanna be GONE.

 

[Nimbus]

No shame in backing out. I'm sorry you're in so much pain and your anxiety is so high. Maybe procrastination is a good thing if it's given you more time to think through your decision? Don't be hasty. The last thing you want to do is hurt yourself even more and end up with less control than you have now. I empathize with you re: wanting to just be gone. Hope the pain and anxiety ease up soon. Hugs.

 

[NotOkay_]

No shame in backing out. I'm sorry you're in so much pain and your anxiety is so high. Maybe procrastination is a good thing if it's given you more time to think through your decision? Don't be hasty. The last thing you want to do is hurt yourself even more and end up with less control than you have now. I empathize with you re: wanting to just be gone. Hope the pain and anxiety ease up soon. Hugs.

Thank you. The pain is unrelenting and the longer i wait the worse it becomes this is my dilemma. I feel like I’m running out of time.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Hey, I’m still here because my anxiety bulit up so much I’ve been procrastinating. But it’s still no longer a choice (CTB). My symptoms are still getting worse. I can’t deal with anything I’m in so much pain, at this point I’m going to CTB out of desperation because ALL OF THIS is tooo much. Can’t talk to my loved ones, I’m stuck. I fucking hate this, i hate everything. :( I just wanna be GONE.

I've missed a few things.

but have you been able to talk to your loved ones about what's going on?
and are you in physical pain or was there something that cause you emotional suffering?

 

[I screwed up]

@Golden_xx feel for u dear. I m in the similar state .. Anxiety and strong SI is holding me back.. Also a small matter that I live with parents and don't gave opportunity to ctb. What's your method ... Mine is SN

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. There's no shame in backing out. When/if your time comes, you'll know. And, if it never does come, that's perfectly fine, too. I hope you're able to find a way to get some relief from your symptoms soon I know how debilitating and exhausting anxiety can be

 

[Ae54rge]

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to give up hope that one day the pain will stop. Better you slip and fall 100 times and fail then slip and fall once and succeed. At least when the pain is eventually too much, you know you tried your hardest to fight it. Then there's no shame to be had in giving in to an endless fight you were always in alone.

 

[NotOkay_]

I've missed a few things.

but have you been able to talk to your loved ones about what's going on?
and are you in physical pain or was there something that cause you emotional suffering?

Oh sorry thought it was clear x I’m in physical pain and I have dpdr + anxiety which is hell. I can’t tell my loved ones how severely it’s affecting me they’ll freak out

 

[Ae54rge]

Oh sorry thought it was clear x I’m in physical pain and I have dpdr + anxiety which is hell. I can’t tell my loved ones how severely it’s affecting me they’ll freak out

Are there no over or under the counter meds that can help you at all ?

I have had to tell loved ones a few things recently I would have rather not in my life. I can assure you, as much as I can clearly see it affects them, especially when I snap, the fact I'm there saying it is better then the alternative.

Recently they have had to come to terms with there being an alternative however.

I recently moved back home, I had to tell my parents it was that or wasn't sure how much longer I would last alone. I then had to explain I would be out Christmas day as it isn't a good day for me to cope with so I would go home alone to mine, It wasn't easy for my mother to hear. however knowing I would be coming back after I could see helped her.

Hope this helps OP

 

[issyishere]

We support any decision you make (: hoping you try to treat yourself at least though. Relax today if your pain can allow you to, kick your feet up, watch tv or use your phone. You’ve gone through something recently most people can’t even comprehend. We’re here for you OP.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Oh sorry thought it was clear x I’m in physical pain and I have dpdr + anxiety which is hell. I can’t tell my loved ones how severely it’s affecting me they’ll freak out

Need painkiller, and more importantly to see a doctor to treat/ease physical pain, especially if it’s something serious

bpdr sounds hard on you too, are you able to access mental health services for some help?

 

[Ghost2211]

There’s no shame in backing out. Both life and death are difficult processes, and it’s ok to take it at your own pace.

 

[NotOkay_]

@Golden_xx feel for u dear. I m in the similar state .. Anxiety and strong SI is holding me back.. Also a small matter that I live with parents and don't gave opportunity to ctb. What's your method ... Mine is SN

Need painkiller, and more importantly to see a doctor to treat/ease physical pain, especially if it’s something serious

bpdr sounds hard on you too, are you able to access mental health services for some help?

Lol I’ve tried EVERYTHING. This wasn’t exactly my first choice. Healthcare is BS