Mr. Incapable
Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
- Jun 21, 2022
- 175
I've had the last 7 days off work, not for any particular reason, just because I had holiday days to use up. I'm glad I had it off because my anxiety and stress significantly increased right before so at least it gave me a break from real life for a bit. I spent the entire time thinking about suicide though, and I was looking at SS several times throughout the day, everyday. I don't want to go back to work, I don't feel ready but I have no choice. I don't think my colleagues like me very much because I'm the youngest in the office and I'm the only guy. My manager has told me before that she enjoys winding me up - I hate that because I don't want to be a toy for someone's amusement when they're bored. Especially when I just want to get in, keep my head down, do my work and leave as quick as possible. My manager talks to me different than the others as well. I do my job well but the disrespectful tone in her voice which I know she would never use to the others in the office bothers me. As I said, because I'm the youngest and the only guy I think she feels she can get away with it or it's ok to be that way towards me. I started looking at other jobs recently but one, I hate going through interviews due to my anxiety and two, I feel like it's a waste of time and emotions if I end up ctb soon.. I wish I was rich or came from a rich family, not because I think money would make me want to live but because it would just buy time. As much time as I needed until I was truly ready to ctb and I wouldn't have to deal with seeing people if I didn't want to. Sorry, just venting guys. I have to get my shoes on to leave now.
