Venting Back to vent

[FailureToAll]

I don't even have much to say but I have no where else to say it. For a short while I had some hope of a future but I've fucked up and I'm too much of a failure to create a future worth living. My hope is gone and I'm back to being as suicidal as before. Not that the thoughts ever really left they were just more passive. Now I know I need to die and I never should of had any hope in the first place. I'm an awful person, I am vile. I don't even deserve death, I deserve to suffer. I don't have the energy to try and ctb either. Everytime I try I end up backing out in fear. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, I want to escape everything.