Venting Back 2 Uni!! (My 3AM Incoherent Vent)

[sadghost]

So all my classes are online but they're starting again today.. I should be asleep but I'm just filled with dread. Pretty much every Uni kid wants to die at some point I'm sure because of the nature of higher education and tbh I'm already at rock bottom so I know I'm going to get pushed over the edge. To top it all off, I don't have my ADD/ADHD meds right now ahhh I just wanna die so bad Wow !! fuck life. I hate the fact that I have to even spend my time on this BS. Like how many essays and tests do I have to write to prove that I'm deserving of basic human needs? I don't even want this degree/career path anymore. ahhhh !!!!!!! this is so painful but I'm so numb at the same time !! I want to die !!! I absolutely need to get out of this place !! It is Hell !!

 

[almost_dead]

can relate , I am in Uni too

 

[sadghost]

can relate , I am in Uni too

Are your classss online as well? How are you feeling about school starting?

 

[Squiddy]

I'm so glad I got my associate's degree. It was hell though. Landed me in the psych ward plenty of times. Thinking about going back for my bachelor's if I don't ctb first.

 

[almost_dead]

Are your classss online as well? How are you feeling about school starting?

Yeah all of them .
Idk , i dont care too much about anything in general , so classes resuming dont bother me .

I hate the fact that I have to even spend my time on this BS. Like how many essays and tests do I have to write to prove that I'm deserving of basic human needs?

I agree with you .

 

[sadghost]

I'm so glad I got my associate's degree. It was hell though. Landed me in the psych ward plenty of times. Thinking about going back for my bachelor's if I don't ctb first.

Congrats on the degree! I'm sorry to hear about the hellishness though.. I thought I would finish my degree but it looks like it's going to finish me instead.

 

[Squiddy]

Congrats on the degree! I'm sorry to hear about the hellishness though.. I thought I would finish my degree but it looks like it's going to finish me instead.

Thanks. Yeah it almost finished me many times

 

[sadghost]

Thanks. Yeah it almost finished me many times

Did you find that school made your desire to CTB stronger?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

After three years of working towards a particular degree, I switched majors to something that fulfilled me. Years later I ended up getting a doctorate in that degree, so it was a good switch. The moral of the story is that it's never too late to switch paths at university/college. Don't spent time pursuing something that doesn't interest you. Find your passion.

 

[Squiddy]

Did you find that school made your desire to CTB stronger?

Yup. A lot, but since being out, it's went down a little, but is still there

 

[shy]

Changed my major to a totally different field this year, just started, been there two times in person now. I hate the introductions and socializing, somewhat happy that corona is putting a damper on it.
I don't know if changing majors is the right call, it feels kind of empowering though. I signed myself up for my personal vision of hell, however taking things into your own hands is a nice feeling. Still cried like a bitch today, won't be able to sleep tonight, replaying todays events in my head and cringing at myself all night.
If there is something else you'd like to do, go for it imo.

 

[death137]

I understand Uni is hell for some. I've tried 5 times since 2016 but quite all in the first semester. In 2 occasions I quit on the first day. Social anxiety is the main reason for this mess.

 

[madbananas]

So all my classes are online but they're starting again today.. I should be asleep but I'm just filled with dread. Pretty much every Uni kid wants to die at some point I'm sure because of the nature of higher education and tbh I'm already at rock bottom so I know I'm going to get pushed over the edge. To top it all off, I don't have my ADD/ADHD meds right now ahhh I just wanna die so bad Wow !! fuck life. I hate the fact that I have to even spend my time on this BS. Like how many essays and tests do I have to write to prove that I'm deserving of basic human needs? I don't even want this degree/career path anymore. ahhhh !!!!!!! this is so painful but I'm so numb at the same time !! I want to die !!! I absolutely need to get out of this place !! It is Hell !!

I can absolutely relate. Uni has also retraumatised me in a huge way. But thankfully my grades have still been awesome. I really hope it's went better than you though

 

[shy]

I understand Uni is hell for some. I've tried 5 times since 2016 but quite all in the first semester. In 2 occasions I quit on the first day. Social anxiety is the main reason for this mess.

I feel really sorry for you, I quit after 2 months the first time I went to uni. Couldn't handle it, social anxiety is the worst, tried to play it cool, ended up just failing even harder…

Spent the last two years at uni, rather small course, still felt really bad anxiety all the time. Had shaking hands every time I had to do anything, really embarrassing. It was a language degree, so I would have to write things on the black board at times. Everyone was nice to ignore it most of the time, but I was asked about it a couple of times. I wrote worse than any grade-schooler just learning the alphabet .

I'd love to say that it has gotten better, but it hasn't. Still went through with everything though, wish I knew how to overcome anxiety. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, my body doesn't listen to reason, which in turn lights my mind on fire.

You tried 5 times, even though you're anxious, that's a major win.