Venting "Babycut-Syndrome"

[Sanguinius]

Trigger warning: Selfharm
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I selfharm since 1,5 year and the cuts have been deeper and deeper. I always wanted to cut deep, deeper, the deepest and long, longer, the longest - just as bad as I could. So, after a half year I had to get stitches and stuff. Every wound gets extremer. Soon I needed to get subcutaneous stitches, large wounds and big burnings.
I needed to go to the hospital alot.
I've got luck, I've not destroyed anything important so far. Just many, many scars all over my arms, torso and legs.

Soo, yesterday I've burned myself. I held the flame ~1,5 min on my arm, but there were just some small blisters.
Today I felt like shit because of that. Today I cutted myself to proove it to myself that I am not shit, that I can cut "good". But... it wasn't "good" enough. And now... and now I feel like an absolute failure. Like really shitty shit. And I hate myself for it, and I hate myself for hating myself for it.
And I hate myself for thinking that way. I know, SH is nothing to be proud of. Even tough... I am.

Does anyone know these feelings?

 

[21Neberg]

I 100% know these feelings. Cutting deeper to feel real, it's a never ending cycle friend. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow, maybe thats something you could look into as well? Mind you, if you're older than 16 you can keep the conversations with your therapist private.

 

[Kim]

*hugs you warmly* because I know this feelings too.
You aren't shit. I think you are a wonderful person!

Take care of you!!

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Hey, you aren't shit. I top know those feeling and its an endless cycle of doing it then feeling bad then doing it again even though its something you're proud of.
Hugs