Venting Aversion to positivity

[toseeyousmile]

I'm not sure where to put this but I think off topic should be appropriate. To give some context, I am a 21 y/o guy and recently from some youtuber discord while I was chatting in general and we hit it off and got in a call. He was a 17 y/o kid and was super passionate about everything, I was amazed at just him in general, it's like he's the very essence of what it means to be youthful. While I didn't open up too much about myself it's hard to avoid seeming uhh troubled when you're me so naturally he tried to pick me up, help me, give me advice and motivation for life in general. I truly do from the bottom of my heart respect him and am grateful to him but at the same time, his shining uhh positivity I guess, is kinda intimidating to me.

I've talked about this before in a different thread but similar to how I feel like shit when I see a cute girl I think I'd like since I feel as though I'm just too fucked of a person for anybody, the same applies to friends. In this instance, I feel a different sort of guilt, like damn we vibe but like sorry it had to be me, I'm not that good of a person. This aversion to positivity I would say is a big part of what drives me into self-destructive behaviour and stuff like constantly having to cope with things that'll give me a lot of dopamine instantly. As if running away from something, I can't quite tell what. It could be I'm protecting my ego/pride or whatever is left of it by running away from being exposed my true nature, or perhaps facing my weakness or simply having to try in life and abandon coping from my troubles... Maybe even all of the above. Anyways thx for reading.

 

[whywere]

Hi!! You ARE going to be great! Now please let me give my thoughts why:

1st) You are only 21 and just starting off in life, by comparison I am 65, 66 next month, and a human male's brain is not full developed till id to late 20's. When I was 21 in 1977, I had thoughts about like you are, am I a positive person am I? (whatever)? It took me time to put it together. In fact, it was not till I was 28 and had just graduated from college that I had some idea(s) of what I wanted and who I was in this world.

2nd) You WILL do GREAT. Reading you post, and I read it multiple times, it is very clear that you are very intelligent, kind, good hearted, perceive the best in people and want to make yourself and the world around you a much better place for all.

As time moves on and you get more life experience, you WILL be a wonderful soul and people around you will be so fortunate to have you as a friend, or partner.

Ther in again, reading your post brought back so many memories to/for me and I was like WOW! been there, done that and I had a very good feeling about what happened to me back then and I wanted to not only share with you BUT give you a huge pat on the back and some wind in your sails.

Always my best to you my great friend!

Walter

 

[Pluto]

I feel that the aversion to positivity is a self-protection mechanism. We avoid boarding the airplane of optimism so that we don't have to experience crashing to the ground again. The problem becomes one of discarding the baby with the bathwater, leading to an inevitable emotional downward spiral.

If your goal is recovery, the situation can be workable if you are open to repeatedly challenging and questioning your ideas about yourself. None of these ideas were present in early childhood, so they've been picked up and internalised from some external source in the subsequent decades.

 

[summers]

I'm not that good of a person.

You don't have to be a good person to be a good friend or boyfriend - you just have to be good to them.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I've talked about this before in a different thread but similar to how I feel like shit when I see a cute girl I think I'd like since I feel as though I'm just too fucked of a person for anybody, the same applies to friends. In this instance, I feel a different sort of guilt, like damn we vibe but like sorry it had to be me, I'm not that good of a person. This aversion to positivity I would say is a big part of what drives me into self-destructive behaviour and stuff like constantly having to cope with things that'll give me a lot of dopamine instantly. As if running away from something, I can't quite tell what. It could be I'm protecting my ego/pride or whatever is left of it by running away from being exposed my true nature, or perhaps facing my weakness or simply having to try in life and abandon coping from my troubles... Maybe even all of the above. Anyways thx for reading.

Relatable feelings.

 

[Sherri]

Been called negative person all my life, I like to call myself realistic. :)

 

[porhtna]

Can relate. While I do appreciate those who emit positivity, I feel a sense of guilt and dread around them, like I have to "keep up with" their positivity...
Your introspection makes a lot of sense to me! Seligman's theory of "learned helplessness" & "learned optimism" might give you more insight into the behavior/coping mechanism/pattern of thinking you described if you're interested? I know "positive psychology" sounds kinda gross but it's nice to learn how minds work.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I've talked about this before in a different thread but similar to how I feel like shit when I see a cute girl I think I'd like since I feel as though I'm just too fucked of a person for anybody, the same applies to friends. In this instance, I feel a different sort of guilt, like damn we vibe but like sorry it had to be me, I'm not that good of a person. This aversion to positivity I would say is a big part of what drives me into self-destructive behaviour and stuff like constantly having to cope with things that'll give me a lot of dopamine instantly. As if running away from something, I can't quite tell what. It could be I'm protecting my ego/pride or whatever is left of it by running away from being exposed my true nature, or perhaps facing my weakness or simply having to try in life and abandon coping from my troubles... Maybe even all of the above. Anyways thx for reading.

Omg this especially the bold highlighted part. I don't try anymore. I tried with therapy to push through and challenge these beliefs, but it always comes back to remind me and if not by me, by them, that I am not good enough because I am as they put it "mentally ill."