Venting attempting via overdose

[LaMortEstProche]

honestly, i don't have much to live for. im 18 and my future is already ruined. ive attempted so many strangulation/patrial suspension methods but i just cant seem to get it right. i have bupropion prescribed to me, bupropion xl 150 mg each and im considering taking all of it (16 pills) with some wine to relax. i already have complications from previous overdoses, but i have a feeling this might work. i'll be in for a long night of suffering if i do go do it, but at least i'll be out with a bang yeah?

my girlfriend of nearly 4 years ghosted before breaking up with me and claimed i harassed her (i never did and have proof) and now i feel sick knowing she potentionally has another partner. her last message she'd ever sent to me was 'i love you' and it just breaks my heart more and more. we had a future planned togehter, and now i have no future because its all broken. nothing feels *real* without her (i think i suffer with osdd-1b but im not diagnosed, just going through the process of getting it diagnosed rn), and its only worsening and worsening.

although i lvoe life, i honestly truly do, i just cant envision a future without her by my side. i know i sound cringy, obsessive, or a loser, but i put all my heart and soul into her. i want to go out listening to my favorite rock band, drinking wine, and drawing. i want to go out doing and listening to the things i love. i feel embarassed though, for these intense feelings towardws her, but honestly i don't care anymore what people think. i just want to be out and everytime that i pray (im not even religious), it just gets worse. i cant eat, i cant sleep, im in a constant state of torture. its hell.

i just wish to forget her, maybe if i forgot she ever existed i could live life happily? that would be nice. to forget her. i wish to go back in time to have never met her. i wish i never contacted her. i wish i was never able to hold her hand in person and listen to her telling me how beautiful i am.

i hope to be gone tonight, but i dont know if this meds will do anything. im AFAB, about 97 lbs and havent eaten much today and i havent drank water a tall.

 

[Weltall]

honestly, i don't have much to live for. im 18 and my future is already ruined. ive attempted so many strangulation/patrial suspension methods but i just cant seem to get it right. i have bupropion prescribed to me, bupropion xl 150 mg each and im considering taking all of it (16 pills) with some wine to relax. i already have complications from previous overdoses, but i have a feeling this might work. i'll be in for a long night of suffering if i do go do it, but at least i'll be out with a bang yeah?

my girlfriend of nearly 4 years ghosted before breaking up with me and claimed i harassed her (i never did and have proof) and now i feel sick knowing she potentionally has another partner. her last message she'd ever sent to me was 'i love you' and it just breaks my heart more and more. we had a future planned togehter, and now i have no future because its all broken. nothing feels *real* without her (i think i suffer with osdd-1b but im not diagnosed, just going through the process of getting it diagnosed rn), and its only worsening and worsening.

although i lvoe life, i honestly truly do, i just cant envision a future without her by my side. i know i sound cringy, obsessive, or a loser, but i put all my heart and soul into her. i want to go out listening to my favorite rock band, drinking wine, and drawing. i want to go out doing and listening to the things i love. i feel embarassed though, for these intense feelings towardws her, but honestly i don't care anymore what people think. i just want to be out and everytime that i pray (im not even religious), it just gets worse. i cant eat, i cant sleep, im in a constant state of torture. its hell.

i just wish to forget her, maybe if i forgot she ever existed i could live life happily? that would be nice. to forget her. i wish to go back in time to have never met her. i wish i never contacted her. i wish i was never able to hold her hand in person and listen to her telling me how beautiful i am.

i hope to be gone tonight, but i dont know if this meds will do anything. im AFAB, about 97 lbs and havent eaten much today and i havent drank water a tall.

18 is very young, and there are still many opportunities for you if you open your mind to it.
It sounds like you made her your identity and reason for living.
Maybe it's time for you to love yourself, and find reasons to live for you.

Your feelings and emotions are true and real. And while they feel heavy and immovable right now, they truly aren't.
Try to rationalize the best you, and consider all the options in front of you.
I wish you luck on your journey friend.

 

[Raindancer]

I know you are in a lot of pain now, but maybe give it a bit of time before doing anything. You say you love life so I think it is worth some time. I dated a guy my whole senior year. We broke up when I went to college(he was a year behind me) and then when he got to college(we went to the same one) we got back together for 3 years. I thought I was going to marry him. He broke up with me my last year of college and I went one year without dating and then got hospitalized for mental health issues. I spent the next 6 months focusing on getting better and then met the love of my life. All to say it feels awful right now, but there is so much to look forward to. Maybe take some time and do self care. Find things you love to do and focus on you, being healthy and doing something you've always wanted to do. If nothing works there is always time to CTB. In addition, your ,ethos may just make you seriously ill. I am not familiar with that medication but most meds have a very low success rate nd I would hate to see you do something that only adds more suffering. I wish you comfort and peace!

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey friend, sorry you're going through that. Love is so fucking painful.

Are you sure you want to do this? You said that you love life, and your emotions are probably strong right now which impairs your decision making.

Wellbutrin OD is gonna be long and I imagine SI is likely gonna kick in because of how painful it is.

 

[LaMortEstProche]

Hey friend, sorry you're going through that. Love is so fucking painful.

Are you sure you want to do this? You said that you love life, and your emotions are probably strong right now which impairs your decision making.

Wellbutrin OD is gonna cause serotonin syndrome and I imagine SI is likely gonna kick in because of how painful it is.

serotonin syndrome,, ive experienced it when i was 13. i ended up in the er getting benadryl pumped in me and i wouldve died a few minutes after if not for my mom.
it was awful, a lot of muscle spasms and not coherent but it made me numb and escaped the real world, thats why i love taking pills, just helps get my mind off things and forget even if temporary

I know you are in a lot of pain now, but maybe give it a bit of time before doing anything. You say you love life so I think it is worth some time. I dated a guy my whole senior year. We broke up when I went to college(he was a year behind me) and then when he got to college(we went to the same one) we got back together for 3 years. I thought I was going to marry him. He broke up with me my last year of college and I went one year without dating and then got hospitalized for mental health issues. I spent the next 6 months focusing on getting better and then met the love of my life. All to say it feels awful right now, but there is so much to look forward to. Maybe take some time and do self care. Find things you love to do and focus on you, being healthy and doing something you've always wanted to do. If nothing works there is always time to CTB. In addition, your ,ethos may just make you seriously ill. I am not familiar with that medication but most meds have a very low success rate nd I would hate to see you do something that only adds more suffering. I wish you comfort and peace!

thank you for your view, i appreciate it and im glad you were able to find someone. love is very rough, and my emotions are so intense. i'll try to work through it, i was doing so well befor ei found out she moved on

18 is very young, and there are still many opportunities for you if you open your mind to it.
It sounds like you made her your identity and reason for living.
Maybe it's time for you to love yourself, and find reasons to live for you.

Your feelings and emotions are true and real. And while they feel heavy and immovable right now, they truly aren't.
Try to rationalize the best you, and consider all the options in front of you.
I wish you luck on your journey friend.

thank you for your words, i truly appreciate them. she really was my reason for living, she was my everything. my world, my heaven. i would do anything to just be platonic with her if i cant be romantic. thank you though, i'll try and find ways to heal.

 

[Raindancer]

thank you for your view, i appreciate it and im glad you were able to find someone. love is very rough, and my emotions are so intense. i'll try to work through it, i was doing so well befor ei found out she moved on

Yes, having them move on is a serious gut punch. Mine started an affair with his best friends wife, so we are no longer together either.

 

[Some place nice]

Have a peaceful end.

 

[piddincir]

honestly, i don't have much to live for. im 18 and my future is already ruined. ive attempted so many strangulation/patrial suspension methods but i just cant seem to get it right. i have bupropion prescribed to me, bupropion xl 150 mg each and im considering taking all of it (16 pills) with some wine to relax. i already have complications from previous overdoses, but i have a feeling this might work. i'll be in for a long night of suffering if i do go do it, but at least i'll be out with a bang yeah?

my girlfriend of nearly 4 years ghosted before breaking up with me and claimed i harassed her (i never did and have proof) and now i feel sick knowing she potentionally has another partner. her last message she'd ever sent to me was 'i love you' and it just breaks my heart more and more. we had a future planned togehter, and now i have no future because its all broken. nothing feels *real* without her (i think i suffer with osdd-1b but im not diagnosed, just going through the process of getting it diagnosed rn), and its only worsening and worsening.

although i lvoe life, i honestly truly do, i just cant envision a future without her by my side. i know i sound cringy, obsessive, or a loser, but i put all my heart and soul into her. i want to go out listening to my favorite rock band, drinking wine, and drawing. i want to go out doing and listening to the things i love. i feel embarassed though, for these intense feelings towardws her, but honestly i don't care anymore what people think. i just want to be out and everytime that i pray (im not even religious), it just gets worse. i cant eat, i cant sleep, im in a constant state of torture. its hell.

i just wish to forget her, maybe if i forgot she ever existed i could live life happily? that would be nice. to forget her. i wish to go back in time to have never met her. i wish i never contacted her. i wish i was never able to hold her hand in person and listen to her telling me how beautiful i am.

i hope to be gone tonight, but i dont know if this meds will do anything. im AFAB, about 97 lbs and havent eaten much today and i havent drank water a tall.

I hear you 1000% mate, I know that feeling, I came home 5 weeks ago and found my wife dead on our bedroom floor and had taken her whole life, she was my world and I was hers for 10 years, we did everything together. I hear the pain in your words and I know the feelings you're going through of not seeing a life without someone you've built your future around.

I am not telling you what to do but I thought I was in love when I was 18, and I was. My wife thought she was in love when she was 17 and again at 20 and she was. But it wasn't until we met when we were 26 that we realised what true love really was. I am not saying that this wasn't true love man, I am saying first loves (assuming this was yours) and true love are different - they can be the same of course but first love is always intense and new and exciting. We both loved each other more than any of our previous loves combined and it was like being in love again for the first time just waaaaaay better in every fucking way. I miss her so much it's like half of me is missing.

if you choose life, you'll love again, it'll be different but you've got youth on your side man. From life experience you change so much for you teen years to your early 20s to your mid/late 20s, it's why so few relationships from youth rarely work out, I know a few who are still together from that age and they're together now out of convenience and habit - that intense love they felt in the teens changed as they changed and grew apart. You said you love life, live it and love again. It's too late for me but it might not be for you.