Attempting today.

[DoneFighting]

I know I have said this while blackout drunk so many times. I'm somewhat sober right now. I was able to secure the rope the best I could to the rafter using my barstool since I no longer have a ladder (ex husband took it). I'm using boating rope it has a loop at the end for easy securement. Made a simple noose. Going to use a scarf as well. Boyfriend contacted my parents yesterday and everyone's concern was just too much. He also dumped me in front of my dad that was painful. My mom texted my best friend and ripped her for selling me Xanax. I have a prescription but took 50mg at one time and ran out. BTW Xanax and a bottle of vodka won't kill you so don't try. Went on tinder to make him jealous. It worked. Don't feel like talking to those people though. They are only after my looks. I always thought I would look pretty when i did it but I'm in my PJs and my boyfriends hoodie no makeup. Going to make sure I poop beforehand bc I don't want to look any worse than I do now. Lol read all your muscles relax and you can shit yourself after. It's beenamazing talking with all of you and it's comforting knowing people are out there with the same pain and don't judge mine. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it anymore bc he's getting people involved and I don't want to be saved .Seeing the concern on my dad's face yesterday crushed me. I'm sure people will be able to survive my absence because I can't survive my sadness And self hatred. My boyfriend randomly called well I guess ex and begged me to get help and that he would support me. I feel like shit. I need an out. He knows I'm about to attempt again even though I didn't tell him. Luckily everyone is at work so I have time . When I dont show up to my best friends house tonight people will come looking i have 12 hours to get this done. Any words of advice about full suspension hanging will be helpful.

 

[DownInaHole]

If I were going to do that I'd make sure I tied the correct knot - slipknot I believe.

 

[DoneFighting]

If I were going to do that I'd make sure I tied the correct knot - slipknot I believe.

I have read about both knots .Why slip knot over simple noose? Lostallhope reccomends simple noose

 

[felix]

I have read about both knots .Why slip knot over simple noose? Lostallhope reccomends simple noose

Lostallhope is stupid. He says hangman's knot is not suitable then says a simple noose will do. They're the same thing. Use a slipknot with padding or a yoga belt with d rings. Slipknot tightens easier cuz less surface area contact within the knot. Takes only a fingers worth of force to tighten.

 

[DoneFighting]

Took your advice. My life depends on it

 

[DownInaHole]

I have read about both knots .Why slip knot over simple noose? Lostallhope reccomends simple noose

When I researched that method I came to the conclusion that a slipknot was best. It's just my view

Took your advice. My life depends on it

Would you rather be dead or be happy in this life?

 

[Sickman75]

When I researched that method I came to the conclusion that a slipknot was best. It's just my view


Would you rather be dead or happy in this life?

I repeat this. "
I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste...see my heart now decorate it like a grave". That's a great answer to your question.
I love that band. If I truly had a choice and everything was on the table. I'd pick being happy.
I know what the opposite feels like every single day. No pills, no shrinks, no counseling, nothing. Just being happy like I was at one point in my life.
When everything was so fresh and clean, new. Crumpling of leaves, walking in snow, hearing music for the first time. Just being me without a care in the world. No thoughts to develop or to manage, no restrictions of any kind, innocence, living freshly awake. The sun dancing on your arms and face, people smiling and waving, saying thank you. Opening up baseball cards and finally getting Mark Mcgwire in a pack. Smoking your first cigarette, the smell and the taste of it. Hiding so you won't get caught. When everything was fresh and clean. If it could go back to that era, I wouldn't hesitate in a split second to saying yes I'll be happy. I don't know what happened to the old me. That kid. That young kid who didn't think about shit or correlate inputting information together. that what falls let that be.
Sorry that i had to write that out here.

 

[Fgogrl]

time and ran out. BTW Xanax and a jealous. It worked. Don't feel like talking to those people though. They are only after my looks. I always thought I would look pretty when i did it but I'm in my PJs and my boyfriends hoodie no makeup. Going to make sure I poop beforehand bc I don't want to look any worse than I do now. Lol read all your muscles relax and you can shit yourself after. It's beenamazing talking with all of you and it's comforting knowing people are out there with the same pain and don't judge mine. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it anymore bc he's getting people involved and I don't want to be saved .Seeing the concern on my dad's face yesterday crushed me. I'm sure people will be able to survive my absence because I can't survive my sadness And self hatred. My boyfriend randomly called well I guess ex and begged me to get help and that he would support me. I feel like shit. I need an out. He knows I'm about to attempt again even though I didn't tell him. Luckily everyone is at work so I have time . When I dont show up to my best friends house tonight people will come looking i have 12 hours to get this done. Any words of advice about full suspension hanging will be helpful.[/QUOTE]

I know I have said this while blackout drunk so many times. I'm somewhat sober right now. I was able to secure the rope the best I could to the rafter using my barstool since I no longer have a ladder (ex husband took it). I'm using boating rope it has a loop at the end for easy securement. Made a simple noose. Going to use a scarf as well. Boyfriend contacted my parents yesterday and everyone's concern was just too much. He also dumped me in front of my dad that was painful. My mom texted my best friend and ripped her for selling me Xanax. I have a prescription but took 50mg at one time and ran out. BTW Xanax and a bottle of vodka won't kill you so don't try. Went on tinder to make him jealous. It worked. Don't feel like talking to those people though. They are only after my looks. I always thought I would look pretty when i did it but I'm in my PJs and my boyfriends hoodie no makeup. Going to make sure I poop beforehand bc I don't want to look any worse than I do now. Lol read all your muscles relax and you can shit yourself after. It's beenamazing talking with all of you and it's comforting knowing people are out there with the same pain and don't judge mine. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it anymore bc he's getting people involved and I don't want to be saved .Seeing the concern on my dad's face yesterday crushed me. I'm sure people will be able to survive my absence because I can't survive my sadness And self hatred. My boyfriend randomly called well I guess ex and begged me to get help and that he would support me. I feel like shit. I need an out. He knows I'm about to attempt again even though I didn't tell him. Luckily everyone is at work so I have time . When I dont show up to my best friends house tonight people will come looking i have 12 hours to get this done. Any words of advice about full suspension hanging will be helpful.

thats nice your bf cares. Mine told me to just do it. Nice thanks.

 

[TheCrow]

I repeat this. "
I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste...see my heart now decorate it like a grave". That's a great answer to your question.
I love that band. If I truly had a choice and everything was on the table. I'd pick being happy.
I know what the opposite feels like every single day. No pills, no shrinks, no counseling, nothing. Just being happy like I was at one point in my life.
When everything was so fresh and clean, new. Crumpling of leaves, walking in snow, hearing music for the first time. Just being me without a care in the world. No thoughts to develop or to manage, no restrictions of any kind, innocence, living freshly awake. The sun dancing on your arms and face, people smiling and waving, saying thank you. Opening up baseball cards and finally getting Mark Mcgwire in a pack. Smoking your first cigarette, the smell and the taste of it. Hiding so you won't get caught. When everything was fresh and clean. If it could go back to that era, I wouldn't hesitate in a split second to saying yes I'll be happy. I don't know what happened to the old me. That kid. That young kid who didn't think about shit or correlate inputting information together. that what falls let that be.
Sorry that i had to write that out here.

{Tears}

 

[21Neberg]

thats nice your bf cares. Mine told me to just do it. Nice thanks.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you... remember nobody wants you to die. We're all supportive of you here.

 

[Puddings]

I repeat this. "
I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste...see my heart now decorate it like a grave". That's a great answer to your question.
I love that band. If I truly had a choice and everything was on the table. I'd pick being happy.
I know what the opposite feels like every single day. No pills, no shrinks, no counseling, nothing. Just being happy like I was at one point in my life.
When everything was so fresh and clean, new. Crumpling of leaves, walking in snow, hearing music for the first time. Just being me without a care in the world. No thoughts to develop or to manage, no restrictions of any kind, innocence, living freshly awake. The sun dancing on your arms and face, people smiling and waving, saying thank you. Opening up baseball cards and finally getting Mark Mcgwire in a pack. Smoking your first cigarette, the smell and the taste of it. Hiding so you won't get caught. When everything was fresh and clean. If it could go back to that era, I wouldn't hesitate in a split second to saying yes I'll be happy. I don't know what happened to the old me. That kid. That young kid who didn't think about shit or correlate inputting information together. that what falls let that be.
Sorry that i had to write that out here.

Maybe a childhood trauma or stresser? Sounds like you use to be at peace and valued the small things to make you happy Something must have disillusioned or hurt you. My husband uses shrooms to connect to that lost childhood, pre teen happiness.

I hope you find your peace.

 

[DoneFighting]

He showed up during his lunch break and took my rope. Everyone is involved now. It's been made clear that if I mention it again I will be Baker acted which will ruin my career. Now I can't even mention it . I woke up the other morning with pounding on my door because I put the extra security lock and my ex was going to break down the door . I need to CTB but I have no means without the risk .My current plan is faking happiness and not drinking hard liquor to trick everyone and doing it when no one expects it . thoughts?

 

[DoneFighting]

time and ran out. BTW Xanax and a jealous. It worked. Don't feel like talking to those people though. They are only after my looks. I always thought I would look pretty when i did it but I'm in my PJs and my boyfriends hoodie no makeup. Going to make sure I poop beforehand bc I don't want to look any worse than I do now. Lol read all your muscles relax and you can shit yourself after. It's beenamazing talking with all of you and it's comforting knowing people are out there with the same pain and don't judge mine. I can't talk to my boyfriend about it anymore bc he's getting people involved and I don't want to be saved .Seeing the concern on my dad's face yesterday crushed me. I'm sure people will be able to survive my absence because I can't survive my sadness And self hatred. My boyfriend randomly called well I guess ex and begged me to get help and that he would support me. I feel like shit. I need an out. He knows I'm about to attempt again even though I didn't tell him. Luckily everyone is at work so I have time . When I dont show up to my best friends house tonight people will come looking i have 12 hours to get this done. Any words of advice about full suspension hanging will be helpful.

thats nice your bf cares. Mine told me to just do it. Nice thanks.[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel selfish for having people that care. PM me