nixxeekes
Member
- Jul 3, 2022
- 17
i havent been here in a while. holy fucking shit it has been like six months since i last logged in.
i was doing fine. this year was going so well but it all went to shit when i started dating someone. she was the first person i dated after a few years of not getting romantically close to anyone bc i was in a really bad place mentally. she was your typical "live, love, laugh" person. she used to say she loved me, that she was never gonna leave me, she insisted on being a couple so in order to make her happy, i asked her to be my gf (even tho i always refused bc we were going too fast and she barely knew a thing or two about me, at one point i found out she didnt even knew my full name). i was never truly comfortable with her since we're very different but i thought it was only in my head, you know? that i was being superficial and stuff. i took care of her, i was the only one who would stay up all night comforting her when someone failed her, i bought her so much stupid shit she liked, i helped her move out etc etc. we used to hang out almost every day and I would take her to the movies, to restaurants, any place she wanted to go. she didn't have many friends since she recently moved, so i made her meet my friends and my family so she didn't feel alone. then one day she told me she was too depressed to go out, cancelled our plans bc she 'needed' to rest. we didnt see each other for a whole week, then out of fucking nowhere she told me she was going on vacation with people she always said she doesn't like (inside that group there was a dude who supposedly sexually harrassed her), and we were still not seeing each other and she wasnt making any effort in seeing me or even talking to me, even though i was supposed to be her partner. she went on vacation, hid her fucking ig stories from me, and started posting shit with a friend she met a month ago though she never posted anything with me. you were so fucking tired you didn't want to see your partner, but you wanted to go on vacation!!!!with people you dont like!!!? it doesn't make sense.
when she came back from the trip, she didnt even tell me. i found out by someone else. all of this fucked me up so bad i was spiralling out of control. i havent had one of those episodes in almost a year i think? i felt insane bc this doesnt make sense. why the fuck would you do this? why the fuck would you insist so much on being someone's gf just to end up fucking them over like this? i mean she used to tell me that she wasnt going to leave me, that she was afraid of ME leaving HER. when we started dating she used to complain about me not being too open about my life and stuff, she said i wasn't as ''emotionally responsible'' as her. what the actual fuck? like i seriously dont understand what the fuck happened. im so disgusted at everything ive done with her.
ive never loved her to be quite honest, i honestly got with her bc i needed it. and that's obviously my fault. i shouldn't have asked her to be my gf but in that moment i was sure i had feelings for her, and she ''loved'' me back so i wanted to make her happy. and she fucked me over for no fucking reason. she didn't even gave me an explanation bc she's a fucking pussy. DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE. she deleted my phone number while i was trying to contact her to get my shit back. i did had some of my stuff back but haven't heard from her since then. when she gave me my stuff, she acted like everything was normal. i tried to ask her about wtf happened but she walked away fast and told me we would talk about it later. FUCKING WHEN. liar piece of shit. we were a fucking COUPLE bc she BEGGED ME TO BE ONE and then she just discarded me as if im nothing? as if i didnt have any feelings? i still cant help but feel like im about to explode every time i think how she walked away from this relationship with everything and i was left with literally nothing. you did all of this for what? why would you be this false, hypocrite and pathetic excuse of a human being?
it fucked me up so bad i cant stop thinking about it. day and night.. at work.. while im on class. and shes posting stupid fucking selfies like nothing has ever happened. she's not depressed, she's living life normally while my head is eating me alive. im not even sad im just seriously fucking angry bc i didn't take care of myself and let this happen to me. i need an explanation. i need closure but she will never give it to me. my friends told me i should never speak to her again, just let it go- but i don't think it's fair. i don't think it's fair to just mess with someone and then go away without any consequences. im thinking of doing something to fuck with her because i dont want her to get away with this so easily but i don't really have any ideas besides idk, signing her email somewhere so she receives a lot of spam. it's pathetic but yeah idk.
tldr; ''gf'' left me without explanation. i just dont get what's the point in trying to live life when i have to deal with people and situations like this. wasting time and energy trying to find someone decent enough is not worth it. i don't see the point. it may be a cliché but everybody literally just fucking sucks and there's no point in trying to fit in or socialize.
sorry for such a long vent post. sorry if there are any grammar mistakes + i was pissed when i wrote this :\
i was doing fine. this year was going so well but it all went to shit when i started dating someone. she was the first person i dated after a few years of not getting romantically close to anyone bc i was in a really bad place mentally. she was your typical "live, love, laugh" person. she used to say she loved me, that she was never gonna leave me, she insisted on being a couple so in order to make her happy, i asked her to be my gf (even tho i always refused bc we were going too fast and she barely knew a thing or two about me, at one point i found out she didnt even knew my full name). i was never truly comfortable with her since we're very different but i thought it was only in my head, you know? that i was being superficial and stuff. i took care of her, i was the only one who would stay up all night comforting her when someone failed her, i bought her so much stupid shit she liked, i helped her move out etc etc. we used to hang out almost every day and I would take her to the movies, to restaurants, any place she wanted to go. she didn't have many friends since she recently moved, so i made her meet my friends and my family so she didn't feel alone. then one day she told me she was too depressed to go out, cancelled our plans bc she 'needed' to rest. we didnt see each other for a whole week, then out of fucking nowhere she told me she was going on vacation with people she always said she doesn't like (inside that group there was a dude who supposedly sexually harrassed her), and we were still not seeing each other and she wasnt making any effort in seeing me or even talking to me, even though i was supposed to be her partner. she went on vacation, hid her fucking ig stories from me, and started posting shit with a friend she met a month ago though she never posted anything with me. you were so fucking tired you didn't want to see your partner, but you wanted to go on vacation!!!!with people you dont like!!!? it doesn't make sense.
when she came back from the trip, she didnt even tell me. i found out by someone else. all of this fucked me up so bad i was spiralling out of control. i havent had one of those episodes in almost a year i think? i felt insane bc this doesnt make sense. why the fuck would you do this? why the fuck would you insist so much on being someone's gf just to end up fucking them over like this? i mean she used to tell me that she wasnt going to leave me, that she was afraid of ME leaving HER. when we started dating she used to complain about me not being too open about my life and stuff, she said i wasn't as ''emotionally responsible'' as her. what the actual fuck? like i seriously dont understand what the fuck happened. im so disgusted at everything ive done with her.
ive never loved her to be quite honest, i honestly got with her bc i needed it. and that's obviously my fault. i shouldn't have asked her to be my gf but in that moment i was sure i had feelings for her, and she ''loved'' me back so i wanted to make her happy. and she fucked me over for no fucking reason. she didn't even gave me an explanation bc she's a fucking pussy. DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE. she deleted my phone number while i was trying to contact her to get my shit back. i did had some of my stuff back but haven't heard from her since then. when she gave me my stuff, she acted like everything was normal. i tried to ask her about wtf happened but she walked away fast and told me we would talk about it later. FUCKING WHEN. liar piece of shit. we were a fucking COUPLE bc she BEGGED ME TO BE ONE and then she just discarded me as if im nothing? as if i didnt have any feelings? i still cant help but feel like im about to explode every time i think how she walked away from this relationship with everything and i was left with literally nothing. you did all of this for what? why would you be this false, hypocrite and pathetic excuse of a human being?
it fucked me up so bad i cant stop thinking about it. day and night.. at work.. while im on class. and shes posting stupid fucking selfies like nothing has ever happened. she's not depressed, she's living life normally while my head is eating me alive. im not even sad im just seriously fucking angry bc i didn't take care of myself and let this happen to me. i need an explanation. i need closure but she will never give it to me. my friends told me i should never speak to her again, just let it go- but i don't think it's fair. i don't think it's fair to just mess with someone and then go away without any consequences. im thinking of doing something to fuck with her because i dont want her to get away with this so easily but i don't really have any ideas besides idk, signing her email somewhere so she receives a lot of spam. it's pathetic but yeah idk.
tldr; ''gf'' left me without explanation. i just dont get what's the point in trying to live life when i have to deal with people and situations like this. wasting time and energy trying to find someone decent enough is not worth it. i don't see the point. it may be a cliché but everybody literally just fucking sucks and there's no point in trying to fit in or socialize.
sorry for such a long vent post. sorry if there are any grammar mistakes + i was pissed when i wrote this :\
