So my attempt to ctb came rather earlier than thought and Tuesday last week I took an overdose of my mental health meds. Unfortunately or fortunately, whatever way you want to look at it my sister in law came to visit and saw my empty pill packets and immediately called an ambulance. They arrived, asked me to walk into the ambulance and my journey started from there.
I got to hospital and was booked in and the clerk told the paramedics to 'park' me in waiting room 15. Now you'd think this would be a bay/bed. But no, it was literally a waiting room. After the clerk shared a couple of whispers with a nurse, hearing my name mentioned I sat for at least four hours on what I can only describe as a bus stop set of benches. My body had started to shake and my speech had started to slurr. After a couple of hours I asked when would I be seen or at least let go and was told 'it'll be another couple of hours at least'. Ok I thought, I'll take it, it's self inflicted etc etc. By hour four I had only had my blood pressure taken, still in the waiting area. I asked again as by this time my speech was nearly non existent, I couldn't string a sentence together. My arms had gone ridged, my leg muscles had gone, I couldn't walk unaided, I was sweating buckets and had started to see what I can only describe as 'clouds' in my vision coming towards me, basically hallucinating. One nurse noticed after another patient pointed me out. She sat with me and told me 'I have told numerous doctors and if I'm honest I don't know why they aren't seeing you, I'm not moving until someone see's you'. After another blood pressure check she disappeared after ten minutes. My breathing started to deteriorate about 30 minutes later and another nurse noted this and asked, 'what were the results of your blood tests'. I hadn't had any!! She went away and suddenly there was a gathering of health staff in a room and around 30 minutes later I was finally taken into a room. It took around 30 minutes to cannulate and take bloods as my veins were non existent as I was shutting down and very dehydrated. I got wheeled into another area in what I can only describe as a waiting room but on beds. No cubicles, just beds lined up four deep, five wide. It was humiliating. I was put on a couple of drips, one to counteract the meds. After around four hours laying there and only a chat from a doctor twice, I was told 'you're being discharged but must see a mental health nurse first'. I could barely walk, talk etc and soon as I got off the bed it was taken away and there was no chance of me getting that bed back. Had a chat to the mental health nurse and then I was left to leave. I struggled to walk out of a and e. It was midnight, no one to take me home which was 25 miles away.
I struggled to work my phone. Public transport stops around 9pm around my area so I was stuck. Luckily I got in contact with my ex and he kindly picked me up. I blacked out on the way home and vomited numerous times. I was told to make an urgent appointment with my gp for the next day. This was nine days ago and I still haven't managed to get an appointment. I've asked about starting the med again/when etc. Still no answer. It caused serotonin Syndrome so the mental health nurse told me to stop it but didn't know how long for. I'm now withdrawing from my med as know one is getting back to me. And to top it off, even though I went in with an overdose I was questioned about past scars. 'What have you done today' me 'overdosed' them 'but what about the cuts on your thigh' me 'they are over three years old' them 'your arm?' Again, they are old scars. Constant questions about previous injuries was humiliating.
I'm really sorry for this long ass post but the humiliation I received was horrible. Not being responded to by my gp or crisis team after is horrible and this I knew to expect from members of my family but it still upsets, my brothers haven't even contacted me but know it happened. Yes, I'm aware most people think it's a selfish act but a 'I'm really pissed, but hope you're ok?' Would have been great. It just makes me realise even more that I have no place in this world, no purpose, no meaning and the stigma attached to mental health still exists within the UK nhs. Don't get me wrong, it's pushed to the brink of collapse at the moment (today 25 ambulances queued around the car park waiting to book patients in all day). One a and e has been closed for some stupid government savings even though it served well over 200,000 patients. And my county is left with two a and e departments pushed over the limit. But the stigma experienced was horrible and humiliating. And still something I'm coming to terms with and haven't been able to explain everything that happened as I'm still working it out and in shock of what happened. I just wish I was never found. I've experienced stigma and humiliation before but this was on another level x
Again, sorry for the long post but I haven't had an out let to vent to and it's getting me down again x If you have read to the end, I thank you so much xx
I got to hospital and was booked in and the clerk told the paramedics to 'park' me in waiting room 15. Now you'd think this would be a bay/bed. But no, it was literally a waiting room. After the clerk shared a couple of whispers with a nurse, hearing my name mentioned I sat for at least four hours on what I can only describe as a bus stop set of benches. My body had started to shake and my speech had started to slurr. After a couple of hours I asked when would I be seen or at least let go and was told 'it'll be another couple of hours at least'. Ok I thought, I'll take it, it's self inflicted etc etc. By hour four I had only had my blood pressure taken, still in the waiting area. I asked again as by this time my speech was nearly non existent, I couldn't string a sentence together. My arms had gone ridged, my leg muscles had gone, I couldn't walk unaided, I was sweating buckets and had started to see what I can only describe as 'clouds' in my vision coming towards me, basically hallucinating. One nurse noticed after another patient pointed me out. She sat with me and told me 'I have told numerous doctors and if I'm honest I don't know why they aren't seeing you, I'm not moving until someone see's you'. After another blood pressure check she disappeared after ten minutes. My breathing started to deteriorate about 30 minutes later and another nurse noted this and asked, 'what were the results of your blood tests'. I hadn't had any!! She went away and suddenly there was a gathering of health staff in a room and around 30 minutes later I was finally taken into a room. It took around 30 minutes to cannulate and take bloods as my veins were non existent as I was shutting down and very dehydrated. I got wheeled into another area in what I can only describe as a waiting room but on beds. No cubicles, just beds lined up four deep, five wide. It was humiliating. I was put on a couple of drips, one to counteract the meds. After around four hours laying there and only a chat from a doctor twice, I was told 'you're being discharged but must see a mental health nurse first'. I could barely walk, talk etc and soon as I got off the bed it was taken away and there was no chance of me getting that bed back. Had a chat to the mental health nurse and then I was left to leave. I struggled to walk out of a and e. It was midnight, no one to take me home which was 25 miles away.
I struggled to work my phone. Public transport stops around 9pm around my area so I was stuck. Luckily I got in contact with my ex and he kindly picked me up. I blacked out on the way home and vomited numerous times. I was told to make an urgent appointment with my gp for the next day. This was nine days ago and I still haven't managed to get an appointment. I've asked about starting the med again/when etc. Still no answer. It caused serotonin Syndrome so the mental health nurse told me to stop it but didn't know how long for. I'm now withdrawing from my med as know one is getting back to me. And to top it off, even though I went in with an overdose I was questioned about past scars. 'What have you done today' me 'overdosed' them 'but what about the cuts on your thigh' me 'they are over three years old' them 'your arm?' Again, they are old scars. Constant questions about previous injuries was humiliating.
I'm really sorry for this long ass post but the humiliation I received was horrible. Not being responded to by my gp or crisis team after is horrible and this I knew to expect from members of my family but it still upsets, my brothers haven't even contacted me but know it happened. Yes, I'm aware most people think it's a selfish act but a 'I'm really pissed, but hope you're ok?' Would have been great. It just makes me realise even more that I have no place in this world, no purpose, no meaning and the stigma attached to mental health still exists within the UK nhs. Don't get me wrong, it's pushed to the brink of collapse at the moment (today 25 ambulances queued around the car park waiting to book patients in all day). One a and e has been closed for some stupid government savings even though it served well over 200,000 patients. And my county is left with two a and e departments pushed over the limit. But the stigma experienced was horrible and humiliating. And still something I'm coming to terms with and haven't been able to explain everything that happened as I'm still working it out and in shock of what happened. I just wish I was never found. I've experienced stigma and humiliation before but this was on another level x
Again, sorry for the long post but I haven't had an out let to vent to and it's getting me down again x If you have read to the end, I thank you so much xx
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