Venting attachment to abuser

[GLORY]

for a very long time, i've been trying to sort out my feelings toward my abuser.
i'm not sure if anyone else can relate, but whenever i think of them there's nothing but conflicting thoughts in my mind.
i hate them; or at least, i'd like to think that. however, sometimes i find myself making excuses for their abuse.

to this day i still wonder why they're dear to me. did i make all up? were their actions justified? what if my mind tricked me into believing i'm a victim when in reality i'm not?
i wish i could stop these thoughts, but they've been haunting me for too long and i don't know how much more i can keep this up.

i feel dirty and faulty. everyone is on their side. my corpse is rotten and will never be fixed.

 

[todienomore]

watch sam vaknin videos on narc abuse

 

[Walilamdzii]

Trauma bonding