Venting At the end of our leash.

[_Broken_alice]

We are about to have to move, probably back to one of the worst parts of Alabama as a trans-woman. Really hoping we can find a remote job we can actually do (not collections or sales) in time before running out of money. Everything we can find wants experience we simply don't have, or certifications we don't have that will certainly take longer than we have to acquire. At the moment, we have just enough to last 3 months and no driver's license. We don't even have the option to move in with family, and don't really have anyone that can help us financially if we can't find something in time. We are trying so hard to get better mentally after all we've been through, but we are at the end of our leash. If we can't find work we can do to get back on our feet in such a short time frame, we will have no choice but to hurt everyone we care about by ending our life on our terms. We.. really don't want that. We want to get better. We want to have stability again but can't find it. For the first time in our life, we want to live. We found someone we can love as she is, and we think can love us in return even and we really don't want to hurt her as she has been hurt so much already. This is so frustrating. Life as a broken autistic trans-girl is so impossible.

 

[uzuf86]

I'm sorry to hear but I wish all the success you deserve to live a happy life again

 

[LittleCupcake]

I feel the pain, finding a job is hard. Hope you can figure something out

 

[Ash]

Really hope you get the break you deserve x

 

[Goku Black]

I really hope things begin to come together for you @_Broken_alice. You mean a lot to this place and those who you care about.

 

[_Broken_alice]

Looking into college on student loans at this point. Would mean staying in this state for in state tuition and still having to find housing, but not in this town. Would much rather be in an accepting area in Atlanta, but it just isn't feasible and would mean having to take loans on the even more insanely inflated out of state rates because residency requirements. And we don't really have a clue what we want to do or even if we can manage it with our problems. Programming was of interest, but we have failed the few times we've tried and the market for programmers is outright awful.. Even one of our prior partners can't get a job doing it and she is self taught with 2-3 years of experience at this point and fluent in at least half a dozen programming languages.
Perhaps spin off from programming with data analytics.
We don't know if actually having a degree although less practical experience would help enough with that and ADHD would absolutely have to be managed unlike now.
Mechanical engineering has always been of interest, but that field is seemingly not so great for trans-women, or those that can't drive.
Quite unfortunate, because with the way our brain has always worked, it has always fascinated us. Last we looked at that market though, it is very flooded with people with years of practical experience still unable to find work.

Everything is just so damn difficult already. Autism + ADHD + trans + physically not of sound body turn that difficulty up to the max. Being so broken really compounds everything so much.
It feels like being told the game is an approachable but somewhat difficult one, just to find out it is really Elden Ring on the hardest difficulty on NG+ with no armor and no explanation of the rules while blindfolded with only one attempt and scrambled controls while competing with people that do have the rules, and do have armor, controls they know and understand, and extra tries to be able to fail a few times.

We hope we can figure something out. We do very much want to live for once. For the first time, we are starting to really feel like ourselves in spite of being trans. And we are getting to know a wonderful woman that we like very much.
We also finally have found a wonderful doctor that doesn't just outright dismiss us and actually wants to help within her limits, and are finally on meds that help with a lot of, but still not quite enough of the pain as long as we are careful not to aggravate it more by doing pretty much anything...