Asking for help with CTB

[anastenka]

I have been debating doing this for a few days now but I'm not sure if this will put me into a deeper pit than the one I'm already in. Last time I attempted, my overdose, my mama sat on my bed as I convulsed, stroking my hair and soothing me. She told me if I wanted to die that I can and I should try and sleep, that she would be there. This is all I have ever wanted for myself, to not be alone when I die. I would never ask her to murder me but helping me get medication or being by my side if I decide to CBT by VSED would mean everything to me. She could even leave the house for hours whilst I go by CO.

Then again I'm not sure she could live with the guilt, and if anyone finds out she could be in deep shit. I just feel so hopeless and out of options