Asking for forgiveness

[Jengator]

Hi. Is there anyone else out there Catholic or a Christian? I am suffering so much physically from an incurable illness. It's so painful and getting more and more unbearable. I keep asking God to forgive me for wanting the suffering to stop. I say it that way because I don't want to die, I just want the physically suffering to end, which is more and more feeling like in order to do so I have to end my life. Just wondering if there are people here and how you are talking to God about this. I can't ask anyone else because they just say pray for healing and go about their day. And I'd get sent to a psych hospital if I mention suicide. Thank you.

 

[daikon]

I am not really a Christian, but as I've become more and more serious about suicide I've started thinking about God and Hell more seriously too. Religious authorities often say that suicide is a sin because you are taking your life before God thought it proper, but there are examples of suicide in the New and Old Testaments that seem to be totally absent of moral judgment. Here is an article with examples: https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/what-does-the-bible-say-about-suicide.html

It seems to depend on the sect of Christianity, but I've heard that since Jesus died for our sins, we are all already saved by his love. But you could also speak with God and ask him for the strength not to kill yourself, or a sign that you shouldn't. You could maybe also confess your thoughts to a priest. You won't get immediately sent to a psychiatric hospital if you mention having suicidal thoughts, particularly if you say you don't have a date or a plan. Many people are more understanding of suicidal thoughts when they come from people with serious illnesses, so it might freak them out less than if it was coming from someone with a history of depression.

I can't speak much to your journey with chronic pain, but I have heard about chronic pain, and it sounds truly brutal. I hope your pain ends, and I sincerely hope you don't have to resort to suicide if you don't want to die.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I know that you are asking how people talk to god, and I'm sorry I cannot answer that. God and I split up about ten years ago. However, I will share one theory that I used to find comforting and that is about accountability. My understanding was that you had to be mentally fit to be held accountable for your actions and since clearly CTB shows that not to be true, it will not impact eternity.

 

[Helix]

I just pray over and over for His forgiveness. I dont know what else I can do. I called a clergy peraon and talked with them about suicide. I used the suicide of a parent as the cause for my call. Having questions about their fate. They were not Catholic, but they told me their belief as a Methodist was that suicide doesnt mean you just go to Hell. Myself, I hope this to be true. He knows your suffering. If anyone can forgive you, its Him.

 

[LonelyLight]

Hi @Jengator I am a catholic. If you'd like to chat in PM, please message me,

 

[trynacbt]

I was raised Catholic but haven't prayed to God in a while. Still, I believe He exists, and I feel a lot of guilt for planning my ctb. However, I believe in a compassionate God, and I don't think that He would send any of his children to a place like Hell.

 

[Stan]

I was raised Catholic but haven't prayed to God in a while. Still, I believe He exists, and I feel a lot of guilt for planning my ctb. However, I believe in a compassionate God, and I don't think that He would send any of his children to a place like Hell.

Exactly the same for me. Lapsed and the Catholic Church does have this thing that suffering is good. If you actually look at the text in the Gospels, Jesus suffered so we don't have to.

 

[LonelyLight]

If anyone would like me to send them a picture of prayers for pretty much any cause, just PM me, I have a little book I read now and then and it sometimes helps me, sometimes I find it helps having a prayer to relate too, and no I'm not a bible basher lol, just like some simple prayers

 

[Jengator]

I am not really a Christian, but as I've become more and more serious about suicide I've started thinking about God and Hell more seriously too. Religious authorities often say that suicide is a sin because you are taking your life before God thought it proper, but there are examples of suicide in the New and Old Testaments that seem to be totally absent of moral judgment. Here is an article with examples: https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/what-does-the-bible-say-about-suicide.html

It seems to depend on the sect of Christianity, but I've heard that since Jesus died for our sins, we are all already saved by his love. But you could also speak with God and ask him for the strength not to kill yourself, or a sign that you shouldn't. You could maybe also confess your thoughts to a priest. You won't get immediately sent to a psychiatric hospital if you mention having suicidal thoughts, particularly if you say you don't have a date or a plan. Many people are more understanding of suicidal thoughts when they come from people with serious illnesses, so it might freak them out less than if it was coming from someone with a history of depression.

I can't speak much to your journey with chronic pain, but I have heard about chronic pain, and it sounds truly brutal. I hope your pain ends, and I sincerely hope you don't have to resort to suicide if you don't want to die.

Thank you for this.

I know that you are asking how people talk to god, and I'm sorry I cannot answer that. God and I split up about ten years ago. However, I will share one theory that I used to find comforting and that is about accountability. My understanding was that you had to be mentally fit to be held accountable for your actions and since clearly CTB shows that not to be true, it will not impact eternity.

I have seen literature that not being mentally fit or being in extreme distress can be an exception. Thank you.

I just pray over and over for His forgiveness. I dont know what else I can do. I called a clergy peraon and talked with them about suicide. I used the suicide of a parent as the cause for my call. Having questions about their fate. They were not Catholic, but they told me their belief as a Methodist was that suicide doesnt mean you just go to Hell. Myself, I hope this to be true. He knows your suffering. If anyone can forgive you, its Him.

Thank you. I also hope I'm forgiven for having my doubts about His existence. I want to believe but I see it as a probability. I would say I'm 51% sure He exists and if I had to bet on it I'd bet yes. But I have doubts and it scares me since I'm so sick and closer to death than i was a year ago.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I have prayed to the Lord to end my life. The first time was about a year ago. That prayer made me happy, the happiest I had been for a while. I was on cloud 9 for a month. Every now and then I do pray for death. It makes me happy. And, it makes me sad. It makes me human. It quiets my mind and the voices in my head, the internal conversation lashing out at the world. I know that whatever happens, the Lord has given me the option to CtB.

His two greatest gifts are (1) forgiveness and the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again and (2) death so that our mortal toil may come to an end.

I know I'll be going to Hell when I die with the amount of misery I've caused. I, in no way, deserve even the minutest blessing from Heaven or even to glance upon it. My faith is that He will make the choice and it is my eternity to bear. It is only by His grace that I have a chance and that chance is infinitesimally smaller than a lightning bolt hitting a meteorite to produce the day's winning lottery ticket.

Take whatever I've said with absolute skepticism. I am the worst Christian and I am, in all probablity, absolutely and irrevocably wrong.

That is my faith.

 

[LonelyLight]

I have prayed to the Lord to end my life. The first time was about a year ago. That prayer made me happy, the happiest I had been for a while. I was on cloud 9 for a month. Every now and then I do pray for death. It makes me happy. And, it makes me sad. It makes me human. It quiets my mind and the voices in my head, the internal conversation lashing out at the world. I know that whatever happens, the Lord has given me the option to CtB.

His two greatest gifts are (1) forgiveness and the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again and (2) death so that our mortal toil may come to an end.

I know I'll be going to Hell when I die with the amount of misery I've caused. I, in no way, deserve even the minutest blessing from Heaven or even to glance upon it. My faith is that He will make the choice and it is my eternity to bear. It is only by His grace that I have a chance and that chance is infinitesimally smaller than a lightning bolt hitting a meteorite to produce the day's winning lottery ticket.

Take whatever I've said with absolute skepticism. I am the worst Christian and I am, in all probablity, absolutely and irrevocably wrong.

That is my faith.

I don't know what you've done but God, I believe is forgiving and compassionate, and if you feel genuine remorse and guilt for anything wrong you've done in this life, I do think god will forgive you, once its genuine.
Please don't be hard on yourself. All of us have made mistakes and continue to do so

 

[Jengator]

I have prayed to the Lord to end my life. The first time was about a year ago. That prayer made me happy, the happiest I had been for a while. I was on cloud 9 for a month. Every now and then I do pray for death. It makes me happy. And, it makes me sad. It makes me human. It quiets my mind and the voices in my head, the internal conversation lashing out at the world. I know that whatever happens, the Lord has given me the option to CtB.

His two greatest gifts are (1) forgiveness and the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again and (2) death so that our mortal toil may come to an end.

I know I'll be going to Hell when I die with the amount of misery I've caused. I, in no way, deserve even the minutest blessing from Heaven or even to glance upon it. My faith is that He will make the choice and it is my eternity to bear. It is only by His grace that I have a chance and that chance is infinitesimally smaller than a lightning bolt hitting a meteorite to produce the day's winning lottery ticket.

Take whatever I've said with absolute skepticism. I am the worst Christian and I am, in all probablity, absolutely and irrevocably wrong.

That is my faith.

If we have the God that the Bible says we do, then your genuine remorse mean you are forgiven. I have asked for forgiveness so much. Every day. I am so sorry for the hurt I've caused anyone.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

I think Jesus died for our sins, no matter the sin. I believe all sin to be the same in His eyes. All He wants from us is to accept Him into our hearts and proclaim that He is the son of God that died for our sins. Suicide in itself is a sin just like lying to a friend, It all hurts Him the same. But because Jesus sacrificed Himself we no longer are destined to hell. On our judgment day Jesus stands with us and all of our sin is wiped away. It's a heart matter. He knows exactly how you feel and where your intentions are. He is a loving God. Of course He doesn't want us to ctb. But He has forgiveness nonetheless. And for this I am forever grateful. He has never ending grace and love for each of us as His sons and daughters.

 

[Jengator]

I wasn't perfect when I got sick and I sinned for sure. I want to recover. I want to be the best dad I could be to my kids the way I was before I got sick. I want to be a good person and citizen. That's what's in my heart. I regret the things I did that may have contributed to my illness and took all those opportunities away from me and my kids.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

I wasn't perfect when I got sick and I sinned for sure. I want to recover. I want to be the best dad I could be to my kids the way I was before I got sick. I want to be a good person and citizen. That's what's in my heart. I regret the things I did that may have contributed to my illness and took all those opportunities away from me and my kids.

You have no worries my friend. The Lord loves you in spite of your sins. If your heart is in the right place and you love the Lord that is all that matters. That's why Jesus had to sacrifice Himself for us. We would never measure up to His perfection and be able to be with God. We've been sinners since the very beginning in the garden.

 

[Jengator]

You have no worries my friend. The Lord loves you in spite of your sins. If your heart is in the right place and you love the Lord that is all that matters. That's why Jesus had to sacrifice Himself for us. We would never measure up to His perfection and be able to be with God. We've been sinners since the very beginning in the garden.

Thank you. That's comforting.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I'm also a Christian. I didn't imagine there would be many people here that also were ...

All the messages here, really made me feel less guilty about ctb. Thanks everyone

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

I used to be Catholic. I suffer from several incurable illnesses and I'm in severe pain with no quality of life. I'd like to think that if there is a god, you would be forgiven and definitely not punished for choosing to end your suffering when it becomes unbearable.

 

[Sweet emotion]

God, if there is one, really has it out for me so he can kiss my ass.

 

[Kowahi2310]

If anything, I believe God has forsaken me, so to hell with him. If Satan were to appear in front of me, I would gladly give my soul to him.

 

[Jengator]

I used to be Catholic. I suffer from several incurable illnesses and I'm in severe pain with no quality of life. I'd like to think that if there is a god, you would be forgiven and definitely not punished for choosing to end your suffering when it becomes unbearable.

I am sorry you are suffering. I've been bedridden for over a year and lost custody of my boys because of my illness which ripped my heart out.